mentioned taking a break from therapy to my husband and he just sighed heavily and changed the subject. (tbf, my timing wasn't great, he was on the way out the door)
I'm just fucking tired of thinking about myself and talking about myself. EMDR is useful but it's also kind of re-traumatizing on some level and I just. don't. want. to fucking do that today.
and I want to be able to make my own decision about it without everyone assuming I'm backsliding or giving up.
that's part of why I want to just take a break - kind of determine where I'm at without therapy, and I can maybe go back if I need to. I'm usually doing pretty good during the summer months.
but is that like the whole leaky roof thing? - you don't fix the roof when it's sunny out because it isn't leaking, and you can't fix it when it's leaking because it's raining.
the fact that I'm dealing with a lot less suicidal ideation and stuff makes me feel like I've made a lot of progress. I'm doing better. I know the fact that I want to "flake" on therapy seems to contradict that. but I honestly don't want to start my day with it today.
I just wanna chill. :( work has been a lot. but on the bright side, the 40 hour work week is not currently making me wanna kms. it's just making me not want to do anything else, lmao. I know I'm preaching to the choir with that one.
I asked to reschedule to tomorrow or Sunday, made up some shit about my mom needing me. and I think maybe I'll plan on talking to my therapist about either reducing the amount that I'm seeing her or taking like a month off to reassess.
but I'm going back to bed for now.
(did y'all miss my tumblr ranting? I missed doing it lmao.)
