AITA for realizing that my best friend is actually a ghost and not telling him because i'm worried that if he realizes he's dead he'll finally be able to accept it and fully pass on and i won't be able to hang out with him anymore?

AITA if i've been dead for a while but haven't told my best friend yet because he doesn't seem to have realized i'm a ghost and if he does i'm worried that he'll finally be able to accept it and let me go and i can't bear the thought of losing him?

AITA for killing that guy

the word “sabotage” is p much short for “fucking shit up with a wooden shoe”

what

oh my god

well wooden shoe look at that

I’M FUCKING CRYING AT THAT PUN BE MY FRIEND PLEASE 

There is no greater bond on this earth than when you all despise and carry untold righteous anger about one person and then when you’re all together someone is like “so about that dead horse” and everyone starts sounding like Michael Jackson with the way they’re chanting beat it

First humans ever to leave the solar system suddenly drop out of communications and the ship can't be found with any equipment. After one month of no contact their home countries start reluctantly holding funerals for the space heroes only for them all to turn up, healthy, well fed and extremely disoriented, in the middle of Tokyo, talking about alien abduction. Turns out that aliens found the poor humans straying out of their solar system, presumably lost, and took them to Alien Wildlife Rehabilitation before dumping them back in the middle of their native habitat.

I’ll bet they have cool new tattoos that turn out to be tracking devices too. Just in case these spirited individuals try to make another break for it.

... do the tats make them stupid popular, like that time scientists gave birds tracker anklets and it accidentally made them ultra fuckable

Let’s say yes. Those alien scientists are learning so much, and none of it is accurate.

I was told that I’d get used to not having a headphone jack. I still want a fucking headphone jack. I hate that phones don’t have them. It’s stupid and awful and I hate it

“if you love this character then you must make him happy in your fics, right?” wrong. the horror. suffering. internal hemorrhage. hospital. immediately