•Finnish •03 (18+) - Header from my grandma - Exclusionists, radfems, gender criticals and other transphobes DNI and explode instantly. Neopronouns and Xenogenders are cool af and valid
Some of the mental illness communities and tags on here are so fucking hostile to those they consider "doing it wrong". Jesus fuck. I don't trust you if you're this hellbent on invalidating and fakeclaiming people who are trying to understand themselves better in a really vulnerable and difficult way. Fuck off
- you are not entitled to other people's experiences and you will never have authority on knowing another person better than they know themselves.
- You will not win by clinging this hard to the psychiatric system considering how elitist, heinously ableist and eugenicist it STILL is. You will not get more mental illness liberation by dicksucking the very systems that designate you as Other and Deviant. Diagnostics are not the be all end all of mental illness and brain divergence and you policing others about it will make you side with abusers whether you want it or not. Extremely insensitive to talk like this towards other mentally ill people when folks still get their rights and autonomy stripped away if they act a little too "insane" around professionals.
- That's literally extremely rude and cruel. Like that's it. You're being very cruel towards people who have certain experiences. Your insistence on clinging to your pain and passing forward hurt is not going to save you. You are a tar pit.
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shoutout to disabled people who aren’t exactly sure what their disability is, disabled people who aren’t diagnosed yet but know something’s off, and disabled people who are struggling but can’t get any help because of a lack of diagnosis, access to resources, or anything else. shoutout to disabled people who are silently and invisibly disabled and have a hard time getting people to believe them, and who have difficulty managing their symptoms because they’re not sure what the problem is stemming from. it’s hard, but i see you, and im so glad you’re here. it’s over-said but your experience is valid. you deserve support and to be believed.
Shout out to the people who are misdiagnosed. Shout out to the people who spent years getting the wrong treatments. The people who spent so much time trying to find an accurate diagnosis with countless doctors and tests.
When reassurance becomes difficult to access, it can help to have a plan ready before you're in the middle of a spiral.
Take a few minutes to create your own reassurance plan.
You might include:
Common triggers that tend to make you doubt yourself or your relationships.
Reminders of what your brain usually says during those moments. (Examples: "They don't care about me." "I did something wrong." "They're going to leave.")
Alternative explanations you can check before assuming the worst.
Coping skills that help take the edge off the panic. (Please note that we break down some coping skills later in my book in part 3, so there are activities that you try later that might be helpful. You can leave a blank space for this one to add to as you try some.)
Reassurance that you know is meaningful to you. This could be reminders, screenshots, messages, letters, photos, or phrases that help you feel grounded.
People you can reach out to when you need support.
A few examples of how you can ask for reassurance directly and kindly.
A backup plan for times when reassurance isn't immediately available.
Your plan doesn't have to include everything on this list. Choose the parts that would be most helpful to you. The goal is simply to have something you can return to when your brain starts sounding alarm bells.
If you’d like to follow along with doing an anchor box, see my master post here.
Since this is one that is built around having read the chapter, I'm going to share my examples immediately below the read more to help!
Common Triggers
A friend taking much longer than usual to reply. Someone cancelling plans. Feeling like I'm the one always reaching out first. A change in someone's tone that I can't explain. Feeling like someone doesn't want to spend time with me. (Usually imagined, but definitely a trigger.)
What My Brain Usually Says
"They're annoyed with me." "I talked too much." "They only put up with me because they feel bad." "They're realizing I'm too much." "They're going to stop talking to me."
Alternative Explanations
They're busy or at work. They forgot to reply. They're having a difficult day themselves. One cancelled plan doesn't erase an entire friendship. If something is actually wrong, they'll probably tell me. I don't have enough evidence to assume the worst.
Coping Skills That Actually Help Me (If you haven't figured that out yet, that's okay. Maybe note some down you'd like to try.)
Read through my Evidence That I'm Wanted folder (this is a later anchor box activity). Message a different friend instead of repeatedly messaging the same person. Go for a walk with Kumi. Bake something. Play a video game until the intensity settles. Use the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding exercise.
Reassurance That is Meaningful to Me
Screenshots of kind messages. Photos with friends. My husband telling me, "We'll figure it out." Messages where someone reached out to me first. Birthday cards I've kept. Notes reminding me that feelings aren't facts.
Other People I Can Contact
My husband. My best friend. My Twin (bestie online friend)
Ways I Can Ask For Reassurance
"My brain is telling me a story right now. Could you remind me we're okay?" "I'm feeling a little insecure today. Do you have a minute to reassure me?" "I know this is my anxiety talking, but could you help me reality-check something?" "Could you tell me if we're okay? I think I'm spiralling."
My Back Up Plan
Wait before sending another message. Read through my reassurance folder. Remind myself that someone being unavailable isn't the same as someone leaving. Distract myself with an ACCEPTS skill. Set a timer for 30 minutes before checking my phone again. Journal what my brain is saying versus what I actually know.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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recently saw someone's "advice for your 30s" which included something like "never get on the floor without having an escape plan for getting back up" and um. if you are otherwise able bodied and having trouble getting up from the floor in your 30s. you are very unhealthy. yes, even, if not especially, for that age.
I'll add that if you are having trouble getting up from the floor at any age, you should definitely practice and repeat it as a form of exercise. Yes I am serious, it is one of the exercises I used to do in dance class. Those muscles are important and you definitely don't want them to go away ---- especially if you fall down!!! Most people don't realize they've lost the ability to get up from the floor until years later when they have fallen and are trying to get back up and can't. That's such a scary situation to be in. If you've been chalking up the decline of your physical form to chronic pain related to aging, stop to think about the possibility of it being your body's way of telling you that the bigger stronger muscles are constantly compensating for the smaller weakening ones. And then do something about it. Don't let yourself wither.
Date night for hattercrow! They're watching horror movies but Jon's a little disappointed Jervis isn't as scared as he thought he would be (rip his fantasies of cuddling and comforting and maybe a little studying)
I really like the idea that Jervis is actually very hard to scare. Mostly based on this really cute fic you should all read!
Also the crows are here because you can never find Jon without his crows
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Can we stop using "still lives with their parents" or "unemployed" or "doesn't have a drivers license" or "didn't graduate high school" as an insult or evidence that someone is a bad person? Struggling with independence or meeting milestones is not a moral failing.
