i resonate so deeply with characters like adrian monk, data, spock, sherlock holmes, and aziraphale. data is an android who yearns to be human. he can understand the ideas behind being human, like comprehending that a human laughs when they hear something funny, but struggling to actually be funny or laugh at a joke truly himself. spock is half human and half vulcan. he has emotions but he chooses to suppress them because he wants to be accepted by his vulcan world. when he does experience emotions, he struggles to handle them and is overwhelmed by them. he struggles to be accepted by his vulcan and his human side for those reasons. i don’t know how to fit in with the people around me when i feel so different. i want to be the nerd i am, i want to be the person i am, without feeling so judged or different.
adrian monk has severe ocd and struggles to navigate social situations because of his anxiety issues, while his intrusive thoughts also distract him from the situation at hand. he has very specific rituals and routines that he has to follow. everytime i leave the house, i have to not only consider what temperature it is, but also what my anxiety level will be. my anxiety makes me sweat, and i have to dress accordingly. not only that, i can only wear certain clothes that i’m ok sweating in. while my peers around me are starting to get their own apartments and truly live independently, i still feel so reliant on my parents. i feel the need to text my mother when i want to do something, because i need the reassurance that it’s a good or bad decision, and i need to do this for the most basic things, like doing homework. when monk looks to shirona for reassurance, for decision making, for help with things like finding routines, i can’t help but see myself in him.
aziraphale has a deep passion for rare books (this could be interpreted as a special interest). he needs routine, struggles with change, is stubborn and has a strong sense of justice. like aziraphale, i have deep passions. i adore star trek and lord of the rings and comic books. whenever i mention my interests, my peers make it clear that the way i enjoy things is different from the way they do. i struggle to understand why my interests are seen as so different or so intense, when i myself do not see the difference.
i find it interesting that so many characters i relate to in this way are either lovers of sherlock holmes (data), said to be descendants of sherlock holmes (spock), or are interpretations of sherlock holmes (adrian monk). sherlock holmes is a fascinating character to me. shows like bbc sherlock interprets him as this ‘machine’ like addict, but sherlock & co (imo a much more faithful adaptation) takes his traits and makes them more explicitly neurodivergent. i do not have any diagnoses myself, but i find it interesting how i can see myself in these characters. when i am around my friends, i feel so different. when they say things or make jokes, i feel as though i get a different reaction. i don’t understand why i feel so different, but there is something incredibly comforting in seeing these characters and knowing my strange habits or rituals aren’t completely abnormal. seeing characters like data, who has geordi; holmes, who has watson; aziraphale, who has crowley, makes me hope that maybe i too one day will find someone who makes me feel normal, and who can understand my ‘strange’ or ‘eccentric’ behavior.
