Send Help Lol

since both these shows came out about hockey within the past 6 months and have been facing a lot of comparisons, i wanted to do an analysis of the amount of smut and hockey content in each show. as someone who watched both shows and loves hockey, i found it interesting the way each show approached the sport differently. i've also seen fans of heated rivalry claiming that off campus had the same amount of smut, if not more, which just did not ring true to what i watched and made me curious about the exact amounts. this is not meant to criticize either show, i do not think that that having more/less smut automatically means a show is worse/better. i am just presenting a screentime breakdown!

disclaimers:

i divided hockey scenes into two categories: on-ice time where characters are practicing/playing, and scenes that feel like hockey, but don't involve actual skating. examples of "feels like hockey" scenes: interviews about hockey, shane and ilya winning the cup, kip watching scott's games, locker room motivational pep talks

if there was not a scene cut, i counted the beginning of the smut scene as when the scene started to feel charged. for example, when ilya starts jerking off in the shower or when hannah and garrett's dancing turns sensual instead of just silly

i stopped counting post-coital scenes as smut when characters began putting clothes back on, because frequently characters will linger in bed partially clothed and have conversations and this did not feel like smut to me, unless they were still talking about sex

i only counted kissing scenes if those scenes lead into actual sex scenes, if characters just kissed briefly i didn't count it

i also broke the smut down by couple, just for fun. 'other' means scenes of the main characters with people that aren't their romantic lead, like hannah's daydreams about justin or shane sleeping with rose

results:

1. Do not do age verification.

Oh no I dropped my link, what a horrible thing! Sure hope this doesn't get reblogged until it reaches users from the UK and Brazil!

If you go without it you feel unwell in a way that you never usually feel unwell. Sweating, tired, sleepy, headaches, irritable, depressed, etc. For example when I was in opium withdrawal I got incredibly depressed in a way that I’ve never been before or since. When you quit caffeine you might get super bad headaches even if you never usually get any headaches.

Thoughts of it regularly bother you and the thoughts go away once you’ve taken it but only temporarily. Unlike with a food craving which usually stays away once you’ve satisfied it or distracted yourself from it.

You find yourself rationalizing with yourself why you should break your own rules about how much you can take and how often. For example you might only let yourself drink alcohol every four days but start thinking that three days is actually close enough to four days, right? Especially if this happens regularly.

You’re using it so often that you feel the need to lie about how much you use because other people might think it’s concerning

If the substance or activity is nearby it’s genuinely difficult to not consume it or participate in it in a way that’s really frustrating.

You feel bad when you’re not on it and your brain tells you “if you just take the thing you wouldn’t feel this way”

You can only feel “whole” or “normal” when you’re on a substance even though it’s a recreational drug

if you see any of the signs listed above, you are likely still in the window of "i should reign this in", and it is very likely that if you decide to do so in this moment, you will succeed.

most people in active addiction don't figure it out until they are deep enough into it that the psychological aspect becomes too powerful, especially because they don't know how to recognize these signs. if education were more well-rounded, a lot less people would end up stuck in addiction because you genuinely can take control if you realize you've gone too far early enough.

my basic tenet is, if i start showing signs of addiction, i quit for six months. no matter what it is. six months is enough time to get through the detox, it's enough time to start putting my head into the right space and look at the situation less objectively, and it's enough time to build a new ruleset if i decide to go back to using. this has worked for me multiple times, with several different substances.

however, if you find yourself in a cycle of doing this regularly, you're likely past the point of being able to regain control. nicotine has its grip in me because i let myself slip and stopped stopping when i saw it get unhealthy.

My family has an annual tradition of telling the story in a creative way so here it is, told through memes:

The story is told primarily through the liner notes that come with the CDs of each act, and we’ve been waiting for Act III for literally over sixteen years, since 2009. They released each song digitally on Bandcamp every week for a few months during the last quarter of 2025, and we hadn’t gotten any of the liner notes until MAGfest, where they were selling the CD physically with the libretto.

I won’t get into the actual ending details because there’s still a bit of an embargo, but some people thought it was really abrupt and sudden. It was abrupt. It was fucking scary! You should listen to the whole album on Bandcamp! I kind of loved it, but there were some plot threads that went unresolved. On top of that, years ago, there was a song called The Fight (which is a much more uplifting song than the ending we got) that they outright said was part of Act III— but it never showed up on the album. They said during a Twitch stream a few weeks ago that there was almost nothing left on the cutting room floor, so why was The Fight excluded?

So people started to do the classic thing that usually never ever works— theorize that there was another secret part they weren’t showing us.

Then, MAGfest people were buying the MAGfest Power magazine (which is a really cool magazine about all the stuff to see at the con) and noticed in an interview with Panther and Commander that they were dropping literal actual ARG hints. Along with that, they were selling bracelets with a cipher on them. Most of being in the Protomen Discord during MAGfest was watching people run around the Gaylord hotel trying to figure out what the fuck was going on before the Act III performance— there was a scavenger hunt that ended with one guy finding a jar of Ovaltine?— and you can read the whole thing about the ARG here. Spoilers for the libretto part of the ARG. It’s so fucked up.

I literally met the band at the meet & greet with my friend Veg, we asked Reanimator, “hey, what’s going on with Act III? Is that it?”

He tells us to “look at the disc”. Veg pulls it out, looks at the back without the design. Reanimator goes “no, no, the other side”.

Yeah alright man. Just cut off half of your logo like it’s only part one of two. Just cut your logo in half for your “final” album. Sure

I’ve found my favourite money cat.

it's subtitled "A Glimpse Into Extreme Birdwatching," an inaccurately voyeuristic title, because the glimpse is at Themselves.

two unemployed brothers (one an unemployed videographer, one nonspecifically unemployed who has a ferocious new interest in birds) decide: firstly, they are now birders. secondly, to start their birding adventure in a maximalist way by doing A For-Real Big Year.

what's a Big Year? they don't know, they just heard of it now. oh, what's that? they're going and seeing the greatest number of birds from Jan 1 to Dec 31 in the lower 48 by way of their shitass van. they also have about my own exact knowledge of birds, which is: there are bald eagles, great blue herons, crows, and a lot of small brown birds which are all called "sparrows."

a youtube comment correctly remarks that it's like watching oldschool skating videos, where you got maybe 480p of the finally-stomped kickflip down the stairwell, but the joy isn't in that, it's of the camera following the guy as he jumps into the bushes with three cheering friends. they are uniquely new to birding AND uniquely good at cinematography.

the documentary works because These Guys Love Birds. they love birds so much. they are signing up to rare-bird-sighting email lists. they are taking hour-long detours to find a kind of grackle that they later learn lives in every single gas station dumpster they've passed. they're interviewing just about everyone they come across, from award-winning birders to a guy walking down a freeway. they have an instinct for jon bois style stupid-but-emotional bits—they are calling every defunct bird hotline in old birding guides to see if any of them can give them a tip about a local bird; or to see if any of them are still connected at all. they are making fun of quails.

this all works WELL. it is beautiful wildlife cinematography cut with handheld camcorder-quality ski bum video. it is what documentary is for.

"Absolutely no one comes to save us but us."