Utter Nonsense Into The Night

whoever wrote this paper has the funniest phrasing possible

happy turtle bit off a cop’s toe in the hudson river day for those who celebrate

Happy centennial to the turtle who bit off a cop’s toe in the hudson river

99% of queer discourse stops right before they define the true difference between bisexual and pansexual!

unmute

You only need to know one thing: meow.

@aimmyarrowshigh @copperbadge @hellenhighwater

GASP, a sneasuring tape.

faeries are not real but i wish thwy were so i could spray one with raid

harry houdini to his wife after a long exhausting dinner with arthur conan doyle

Who wants to see my cat totally brave and not at all scared at the vet

REGRET TO INFORM YOU YOUR SON HAS DIED FROM TRENCH FOOT LOL HE SERVED WITH COURAGE AND HONOR LOL PLEASE ACCEPT OUR DEEPEST CONDOLENCES LOL

the other day a friend of a friend referred to "busting out of your abdomen like the alien from the Predator films" and I was completely caught off guard. like I guess that's - that's not wrong. the alien was. okay she was in the Predator films. well some of them. but like. she had her own. she's the alien from the Alien films. like. they have her name on them. he's not "King Kong from the Godzilla films"

there's also a reason it's not called an "abdomenburster" but one issue at a time

it's like when headlines refer to a famous woman via her husband. that's not "Predator's wife" she's got her own franchise!!

"gamified Catholic prayer app" sounds like a shitpost but it's real & it's banned in Europe for being a data privacy nightmare

shamebats what are on about

Honestly to me the Gwen Stefani part is the thing that makes it sound the most like a shit post. And yet

Once you've heard Gwen Stefani read a good night Bible story, you've truly heard it all