they're executing the count from sesame street for violating the masquerade

Being an Eridian scientist has to be so funny. You train your entire life as a biologist, becoming specialized in your field, probably giving lectures or educational speeches to other Eridians, and then the star savior Rocky comes home with his weird pet dog. Your job is now to cultivate food so the weird dog who is the age of average baby doesn’t die. The dog also saved the stars. Your job is making dog food out of the dog. You also learn that you and the dog have the same job. You are the happiest scientist on Erid.

the scariest flag you can see in england is the english flag, because it means the owners are either racist or - worse - football fans

I fell a little bit asleep and dreamt that I could hear my cat's thoughts. I heard him just think, "I'm a pretty little man" and then start kneading my ribs, and I laughed so hard I woke up to him on my ribs

Is there anything he haven't wear yet

a condom

BREAKING: Increased "Pjackk" sightings across Tumblr are being reported as many users claim to have seen a "disgusting metal object" interact with posts as recently as three hours ago, yet witnesses report that the blog in question remains inactive. Are these real sightings of the famed "Prototype Jack," or is this just an elaborate Tumblr hoax? We will report as more information becomes available.