An angel on one shoulder đ
A devil on the other đ
(sikes, they're both devils and they're talking shit)

romaâ
One Nice Bug Per Day
Claire Keane
cherry valley forever


if i look back, i am lost
Today's Document
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
sheepfilms
almost home

â
will byers stan first human second

@theartofmadeline

pixel skylines
NASA
Monterey Bay Aquarium
styofa doing anything
Not today Justin
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@chaoticdelusionalillusion
An angel on one shoulder đ
A devil on the other đ
(sikes, they're both devils and they're talking shit)

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Void cat but space, with moon for eyes~
Oh gawd every time you think it's over it gers BETTER
đđť đđť đđť đđť
Seen on facebook. Please add more!
when she says she doesnât send nudes
when guys objectify women and expect them to send nudes
when someone asks you about your nuclear plans for russia
When Russia sends you nudes
#what the fuck happened here
This is my favorite post in all of tumblr
reminder that this post is now illegal in Russia
reblog it, because Russia can´t
Thanks ObamaÂ
When Russia makes this post illegal
I HAVE ONLY SEEN THIS IN SCREENSHOTS
I will reblog this every goddamn time I find it on my dash

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Me, making all the crows at my work a bunch of little friendship bracelets: hehe accessory to murder
Daddyâs at the food store, Mummyâs out of town,
Sheâs working at the hospital since Rhona came to town,
Hide away, hide away, Miss Rhonaâs come to town,
Hide away, hide away, sheâs come to take us down.
Miss Ronaâs at the doorstep, Iâll keep 6 feet away,
But Grandma needs the paper, Iâll take her some today,
Hide away, hide away, Miss Rhonaâs come to stay,
Hide away, hide away, Iâll keep 6 feet away.
But Grandma needs the paper, Iâll take her some today,
And hereâs a note from Rhona, she wanted me to say,
Hide away, hide away, keep 6 feet away,
Hide away, hide away, sheâs brought us down today.
Who else is feeling morbid today?
This is perfect. Morbid as hell, and perfect.
amazing double dance by hao ruoqi ( in blue)and wang xuerou(in red)
This is amazing, wonderful, gorgeous.
Concept: a D&D-style fantasy setting where humanityâs weird thing is that weâre the only sapient species that reproduces organically.
Dwarves carve each other out of rock. In theory this can be managed alone, but in practice, few dwarves have mastered all of the necessary skills. Most commonly, itâs a collaborative effort by three to eight individuals. The new dwarfâs body is covered with runes that are in part a recounting of the craftersâ respective lineages, and in part an elaboration of the rights and duties of a member of dwarven society; each dwarf is thus a living legal argument establishing their own existence.
Elves arenât made, but educated. An elf who wishes to produce offspring selects an ordinary animal and begins teaching it, starting with house-breaking, and progressing through years of increasingly sophisticated lessons. By gradual degrees the animal in question develops reasoning, speech, tool use, and finally the ability to assume a humanoid form at will. Most elves are derived from terrestrial mammals, but thereâs at least one community that favours octopuses and squid as its root stock.
Goblins were created by alchemy as servants for an evil wizard, but immediately stole their own formula and rebelled. New goblins are brewed in big brass cauldrons full of exotic reagents; each village keeps a single cauldron in a central location, and emerging goblings are raised by the whole community, with no concept of parentage or lineage. Sometimes they like to add stuff to the goblin soup just to see what happens â there are a lot of weird goblins.
Halflings reproduce via tall tales. Making up fanciful stories about the adventures of fictitious cousins is halfling cultureâs main amusement; if a given individualâs story is passed around and elaborated upon by enough people, a halfling answering to that individualâs description just shows up one day. They wonât necessarily possess any truly outlandish abilities that have been attributed to them â mostly you get the sort of person of whom the stories could be plausible exaggerations.
To address the obvious question, yes, this means that dwarves have no cultural notion of childhood, at least not one that humans would recognise as such. Elves and goblins do, though itâs kind of a weird childhood in the case of elves, while with halflings itâs a toss-up; mostly they instantiate as the equivalent of a human 12â14-year-old, and are promptly adopted by a loose affiliation of self-appointed aunts and uncles, though there are outliers in either direction.
ok but I love this????
i like to imagine that clark kentâs search history is mostly normal but then thereâs stuff like âimproved superman costume concept artâ because he wanted ideas
#what would you even do as an artist #if one day superman is just wearing a costume that is clearly your design #like superman was clearly looking at your deviantart #there is a chance that superman saw that art you drew of him kissing batman #why is he wearing the costume you designed #is he trying to send a message #is he saying that he really does smooch batman #did superman see your kryptosona #how much does he knowÂ
someone said they wanted to be able to reblog this with my horrible tags
no but like⌠do you sue him for using your designs? Do you politely ask him to stop using your designs? Do you ask him for license fees when the Superman merchandise adopts your design as well?Â
i am absolutely sure that he would find one with an artistâs comment/description that included âhey superman if youâre reading this feel free to use this anytime ok ;3âł and he would say âoh man thatâs so thoughtful, thank you weedhorse69, I think I willâ and like how do you explain in court that you, weedhorse69, did not intend for your statement to be any kind of contractual offer because you did not think he would ever find your public internet post with his name all over it
#people are reblogging the version of this without my final addition#offended that i would suggest clark kent wouldnât credit the artist#missing what i consider to be the obvious facts of the matter#itâs probably a costume designed out of pure thirst too like#weedhorse69 is gonna keep his mouth shut because this way he gets to watch superman#running around town in a costume that really shows off his biceps and abs#he thought it looked summery#the league holds an intervention asking him to please stop wearing it#he does not stop no one can stop him#batman v superman II: clark please put on a real shirt
tumblr is garbage and likes to resize everything and readmores donât work on mobile anyway so you all will just have to click through if you want to read weedhorse69â˛s chatlog screenshots
THAT CHATLOG THO

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Itâs that typical story all over again: you are a princess. You get kidnapped, some random guy saves you, and then your father gets you married to him. No. Not this Time. You have watched a million versions of the same random guy beat a demon and become your husband even though you donât love him, so this time, you kill the demon. You kill your father, the king. It doesnât matter to youâŚÂ After all, heâs only a program in the video game that is your life.Â
You will stop at nothing to break this game.
Funnily enough, itâs not the kidnapping that breaks Phaedra. Oh, itâs terrifying every timeâthe sound of breaking glass in the dark of her bedroom, the feeling of vulnerability as blades tear into the curtain around her bed, the terror as sheâs struck and thrown and tumbled over her assailantâs shoulderâbut itâs not what keeps her shivering long past the story has ended.Â
The attack always goes quickly. The demon screams past her guards and takes her in claws and wings and flees out the window. Her captivity sometimes goes quickly, sometimes takes a while longer, sometimes lasts forever. Sometimes the demon makes her cook and clean for him. Sometimes he tries to make her fall in love with him (as if this were that type of story). Sometimes he hurts her, badly, over and over and over again.
Sheâs no longer afraid of pain. Sheâs no longer afraid of mind tricks. Sheâs no longer afraid of him.
She hates being saved. She hates going home. And sheâs always so afraid of the moment her father announces her hand belongs to her savior.
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i think edward elric entire military experience can be summarized as john mulaneyâs âhorse loose in the hospitalâ bit
there is a CHILD ALCHEMIST LOOSE IN THE STATE MILITARY!
NOBODY KNOWS WHAT THE CHILD IS GOING TO DO, LEAST OF ALL THE CHILD!
HEâS NEVER BEEN IN THE MILITARY BEFORE!
They interviewed a man who once saw a baby in a restaurant.
WEâVE ALL SEEN A BABY IN A RESTAURANT!!!
THIS IS A CHILD. LOOSE IN THE MILITARY.
@dalethesjtoddler
And then, for a second, it seemed like maybe we could survive the child, and then, 5 miles under the capital city, an evil homunculus was like, âI have a huge transmutation circle and Iâm going to kill everyone to become god!â And before we could say anything, the child was like, âIf you even fucking look at Amestris, I will punch you to death with my fists. I dare you to do it. I want you to do it. I want you to do it so I can take my unresolved daddy issues out on you, Iâm so fucking crazy.â
This post was written by Roy Mustang
Sometimes itâs not a bad thing, just surprising. Like, âToday the child did alchemy without a transmutation circle,â and everyone is like, âHuh, I didnât know he could do that.â
The creepiest days are when you donât hear from the child at all. Those are the days when everyone is like âI think the child has finally calmed down,â and then the child is like âI just uncovered a government conspiracy. I went in that secret lab and snuck in there with my tiny body. I have a tiny body, but donât you tell me that, or Iâll fuck you up,â and youâre like âThatâs what I thought youâd say, you tiny fucking child.â
And then for a second weâre like âMaybe the government will fire the child,â and the child is like âI have dismantled the government.â
a lecture
Good post.
Donald Duck finally gets some goddamn recognition around here.
reblog if you love and respect Donald Duck in your house

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a hypothetical d&d party
The bard is mute.
Itâs not the first thing people notice about her, usually. The first thing is generally that sheâs young, and female, and lovelyâthe first thing people notice about their entire party is that theyâre all young, and female, and lovely, and thatâs gotten more than one would-be thief or mugger in far over their head when they havenât noticed the the paladinâs hammer or the rangerâs axe. It comes up rather quickly though, often enough. Whoever heard of a bard who canât sing?
She plays a lute, mostly, or a lap-harp made of shell and sinew, string instruments she can pluck while she smiles in secret and watches everyone around her. She dances quick, except when sheâs tired, when sheâs scared, when she forgets to remember the feet at the ends of her legs.
She doesnât tell her story to strangers, but enough of the other girls have learned to sign by now, and itâs easy enough to sketch out the outlines of the old bargain: the voice, the prince, the witch, the thousand shards of glass she walked upon on her way up the beach, the look in her sea-green eyes when they travel too near water. The thousand shards of glass she walked upon when she left the palace, and turned back towards the sea to throw herself upon the rocks, and then made her way up the road inland, and kept walking.
.
The warlock is beautiful and mild and self-effacing and shy, is tidy and generous and charming. Sheâs small with herself in exactly the right way to shout abuse to the half of her party who knows how to recognize that same look in the mirror in the morning. The bird on her shoulder is too small, too bright, too sweet for a real warlockâs familiar. The knife at her belt is sharp enough for anything that needs doing, though, cooking or otherwise.
Her fae patron visits sometimes, in the quiet hours between dusk and midnight, a sweetly old godmother made of moonlight and shadow. Sheâs kind to the whole lot of them in her own chaotic way, free-handed with transmutations and illusions that break halfway through the evening, for better or worse. She once spent three hours around their campfire drinking brandy and gossipping outrageously about the Feywild and teasing the wizard into fits of laughter.
Sheâs never told the story of how she met the warlockâs mother, or what debt was owed there, and the warlock doesnât know herself. It was never meant to be a debt paid in power and violence and the deft will-sapping enchantments the warlock weaves now, but, well. The prince wasnât meant to be cruel, the warlock says. The palace was meant to be warmer than the fireplace cinders in her stepmotherâs house. The faerie was meant to be saving her from her lot, not throwing her into something worse. The powerâs an apology of sorts.
.
The wizard is awkward and joyful and nervous. She has no fear of heights or small places, which just stands to be expected, she says, after all those years in that little tower, and sheâs got no skill at lying or even edging around the truth at all, which is why she isnât in the tower any more in the first place. She says too much or too little or the wrong thing entirely, always, but the most well-socialized member of the whole party is the ranger who walks around with a dire wolf at her hip, or maybe their mute bard, so who are any of them to judge.
There was nothing to do in that tower but read, and brush her hair, and sort through the witchâs endless stockpile of dried herbs and potions ingredients, and watch out the window as woodcutters and hunters and princes rode by, and dream. The reading was more interesting than the dreaming, most of the time, and the witch didnât mind it as much when she talked about it. She never bothered to actually use any of the magic in the witchâs books until the thing with the prince and the haircut and the desert, which sheâs told them all about in all the detail they could ever ask for, but most of the girls get uncomfortable when she starts talking about princes. Itâs a little easier if she just starts rambling about conjuration and abjuration and illusion theory, about the 400-year-old history of a city that doesnât exist any more, about the proper grammatical structure of Celestial, until maybe one of the quiet ones finally answers back.
Her hair is too short. She keeps an illusion up over it whenever she can, while it grows back slowly, tickling the side of her face and the back of her neck and leaving her head too light and unbalanced. Â
.
The ranger doesnât care about princes, which makes one of them at least. Then again, the ranger doesnât trust anyone, really, prince or no, not wolves or monsters or the men who kill them. She more or less trusts the rest of them by now, mostly, when the wind blows in the right direction.
She wears bright red in the middle of the woods and it shouldnât help her slip into the shadows half as easily as it does, but most beasts canât see color and redâs just another shade of gray if the lightâs low enough. She never uses her axe against trees. She doesnât need to. She can find a path through any brush without it. She picks flowers when she finds them, and tucks them into the other girlsâ hair.
Her wolfâs mother killed the man who taught her to use the axe, and the man who taught her to use the axe killed that wolfâs mate before that, and the mate had an old womanâs blood on his teeth when it happened. The rangerâs blade found the wolfâs motherâs throat. The rangerâs mother sent her out into the woods in the first place. Itâs not as though anywhere is really safe, cottage or forest, axe or teeth. One of these days maybe her wolf will turn and go for her in return, and maybe one of these days her axe will be faster and maybe it wonât. In the mean time, thereâs flowers and berries and pastries and enough game to keep everyone sated, for a little while.
.
The paladinâs hair is raven black and her skin is chalky as a corpse. Sheâs not undead, mostly. The undead are her job. She knows that much.
She was sweet, once (they were all sweet, once) but apples are bitter now and so is she, and thereâs judgment to lay out in the world. Her grip on her warhammerâs all wrongâshe holds it like a mining hammer, but it hits as hard as it needs to. Her armorâs all dwarven make, and her shieldâs black and red and white like snow.
She was sweet once, and frightened, and when she says it quietly around the campfire in the night when none of them can quite make out the glimmer of understanding on each othersâ faces, everyone still nods. She took a bite of poison and somebody left her a full year in a glass coffin of Gentle Repose, dangling on the edge of the Raven Queenâs domain while all the other newly-arrived dead passed by and faded away. She woke up to somebodyâs lips and hands and skin on her lips and her hands and her skin. She doesnât like princes. She doesnât like necromancers.
She likes sunlight, and summer, and colors that arenât black and white and red. She likes the way the bard grins when she whirls into a dance, and the look in the warlockâs eye when she sets her feet to say no, and the wizardâs laughter on high with a Fly spell, and the rangerâs gentle fingers braiding flowers into everything she can touch. Â
The archer is all flame-haired and brown cloak, bear-skin pelt over one shoulder. She knows the way of the woods, where the ancient ruins lie, how deep to dig and when to walk away. When she shoots, her whole body goes taut as the string, her anger quick to snap and let fly. Her arrows never miss. Never. Â
She was young once, had a mother and a father, brothers and a clan. But families turn on each other and little girls are expected to grow into silent women who give their bodies to whatever man claims them. There was a witch and a potion and the others have lived their own version of this part of the story, so they pass the wineskin to wipe the phantom taste of tart from her mouth. When the war came â death is never satisfied with a happy ending â the fire burned the last of her illusions as towers crumbled and boys she thought were friends became men who killed without remorse.Â
Will-o-the-wisps cling to the hem of her cloak and, on some nights when the moon is bright, they light the partyâs way, ringing their campsite and casting shadows as tall as stones.Â
The fighterâs armor is light, his sword curved with a single-edged blade, silk-wrapped pommel always at hand. His eyes are hooded, haunted by death and blood and battle. Heâs long ago quit praying to his familyâs gods; thereâs no great dragon to save him, no ancestors to offer advice.Â
No one asks his story and he doesnât volunteer more than a name thatâs not his birth one. They know, can see the scars when he bathes in the river, can hear the nightmares that leave him sweating and awake in the odd hours of the night. No one presses him; heâs saved all their lives multiple times with his quick thinking, impromptu plan, his ability to be what he needs to in order to get the job done. What else do they need to know?Â
So he travels with them, little empty cage on his belt loop, lotus flower comb tucked in his pouch, and a dragon tattoo on his arm. Sometimes he hums old songs about sowâs ears, silk purses, coursing rivers, and the dark side of the moon. And heâs the first to engage their enemies, every time.Â
They claim the sorceress gains her power from some ancient, draconic source. All white hair and skin, all blue eyes and ice - its easy to see the hardened stare of a silver dragon in her eyes. She wears light armour of dragon scale and unleashes halestroms of ice and snow.
She walks with her shoulders taught. She speaks with the grace of a Courtier. She pushes herself to the breaking point anytime she can - those closest to her wonder if this is in some sort of act of self-harm.
Not that she would be the first among them to harm herself.
âCloseâ was a relative term, as well. She never spoke of her emotions. She never spoke of her past. There is a sense of restlessness in her cold demeanor. A sense of a violent river churning just beneath a sheet of ice.
She hates herself, but she hates her powers more. Late into the night, when the last of the campfireâs embers dwindle, she allows herself just a moment of rest. She lets the facade fall. Her eyes are haunted, and the grief she feels is unbearable. But then comes the guilt. And then the anger.
She cannot undo what sheâs done, she finds no relief from her sisterâs ghost. But the battlefield⌠thatâs somewhat cathartic.
-
The monk comes from power, and in a twist of bitter irony, was given none at all. She shares the archer-druidâs history of being pawned off to men, though she did once dream of romance.
She was to be married off to a friend of her fatherâs, a man twice her age with eyes that lingered far too long and a snake- tongue that whispered threats. She instead fell in love with a street rat who promised to marry her.
She was young and in love. She believed him. But when her âhonourâ was gone, he vanished into the night. She was abandoned to marry an old man who controlled what she did, what she could wear, who expected a servant to be at his beck and call.
She was no servant. She fled riches for rags, seeking asylum in the desert. She found it in the monastery that lived within the tiger cave, and discovered her own power.
The only one she trusts is the tiger that shadows her. Impulsive, blunt, and brash - the monk lets no man treat her like a prize to be won.
-
The cleric knows many things.
It would seem infinite knowledge is at her finger tips, her bag filled with books and little else. The one thing she didnât learn from leather-bound pages is to never make deals with monsters.
She traded her soul for anothers. She walked the halls of a mansion-turned-prison with a volatile, violent beast. She found her faith in the library, the one place where something lived that was more fearsome than her captor.
It takes a certain mental fortitude to escape a cursed beast. It takes even more to stand on even ground with Illsensine. Her experience both makes her a master manipulator, and impossible to fool.
She is master at things sheâs never practiced. She has inexplicable sight into things that once were. She even knows the crevasses in the minds of others.
She knows knowledge is power. And she knows many dark and terrible things.
my piece for the critrole holiday gallery!! an m9 secret gift exchange ~ đđđđ