i’m going to be really honest with you guys i think the tendency to read the absolute worst possible intentions into every action you don’t agree with is getting too automatic and it’s eating you from the inside out

When u hear your friend john talking shit about someone but you’re in church so you tell him to tone it down:

"I'm still kicking" is such a funny way to say "I'm still alive". Like lol. I'm still thrashing. Flailing. Writhing even. The violence remains.

The most beautiful phrase in the whole entire world. Is. What are they gonna do. Fire me?

as a scientific researcher i love the phrase “fuck around and find out.” like that’s all i do all day

The apple they fed to snow white wasnt poision at all it was just a red delicious

This what I mean when I say science writing is terrible and you need to actually go back to the academic publications themselves to get what’s going on

The entire point of, OK, my phone really wants to call it Anastasia so I guess we’re doing that? The entire point of Anastasia (as administered by a board-certified Anastasiologist) during sugary. Sugary? Haven’t I suffered enough? The entire point of Anastasia during augury. Jesus Christ. Hold up. You know what, augury is preferable to sugary. Augury is obviously performed by an auger (makes sense if you give it a think) whereas sugary is performed by…? A sugardaddy? NO THANK YOU. Anyway. The entire point of Anastasia is so that you don’t know what music your sturgeon. Fuck right off. Was playing. While you were under. You’re not supposed to wake up from Anastasia and immediately realize you managed to get earwormed by Motörhead’s “Ace of Spades” during your sugary.

we need a lying on the ground dead emoji now more than ever

this might be kind of a reach but is there a way for printers to connect to devices so that documents can be printed from them