Imagine Being Normal

Multiple men in other departments have asked if I'm a new bartender or HR hire. Followed by them looking incredibly embarrassed when I say I'm in IT.

Multiple women in other departments treat me like I'm the single coolest person on the planet simply for existing . Several already request me specifically for help despite not even being here for a month yet. I'm a hit with the ladies.

Had a very anxious caller say "Thanks, bro. Ma'am. I MEAN THANK YOU MA'AM" as we ended our convo.

Older employees especially love me. Even if they're usually "difficult" with my (very sweet) coworkers.

Maintenance guy was about to make a poop joke to one of my coworkers and stopped himself. "I can't say that nasty shit, dude...there's a lady in here"!

Boss was discussing setting up a very heavy (100-ish lbs) piece of equipment with me. My lead interrupted him to point out that I can't physically lift that. Boss was visibly confused for a solid 10 seconds before going "...Oh!" (All of my male colleagues, including him, are built like brick shithouses)

We fist bump around here. Was helped to my feet after servicing a machine with a facilities worker. And then he proceeded to give me the gentlest butterfly-kiss of a fist bump I've ever received in my life.

Colleauge meanwhile gave me such a mighty fist bump it physically pushed me back in my chair and then looked like he was going to die of shame immediately after (didnt even hurt lol)

In general, the blue collar workers treat me like a princess made of glass. This includes the single butch lesbian on premises that is even shorter and smaller built than I am.

I started using heart emojis in our teams chat and now all of the IT guys are doing it too.

Security guard clocked me as a lesbian based on my corporate goth vibe alone.

A separate maintenance worker has decided to hang around me like a standoffish cat. Sings Mr.Brightside while fixing a cable in our server room. Tonight I found out he has BIG opinions on false nails and what the ideal styles are. I let him pick out my next set and a set for my spouse (he has great taste)

19 year old server told a guest "shes SO cool" as I was fixing a register (wah)

Bartender (also 19-21 ish) twirled her hair and said "is she here to check our systems" when i was doing a department run (HELLO?)

Was helping a woman in another department and she commented that there's not a ton of girls in IT (true) then read me for filth by following it up with "but you all look like that"

Set up a printer for HR and you'd think I'm literally Jesus with how they lauded me

Oh no

Of course it is.

BECAUSE THIS SHIT IS NOT CAROL OF THE BELLS

IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE/SARAJEVO 12/24 AND IT IS SO MUCH FUCKING MORE THAN CAROL OF THE BELLS.

so during the bosnian war (which was this nasty-ass conflict in bosnia and herzgovina) there was this badass cello-playing motherfucker named vedran smailovic. He was from Sarajevo, was upset about all the shit and nastiness that came about through this war (this was full-on brother-killing-brother shit!) that he went around to bombed-out, blown up buildings and funderals––where he was at risk of FUCKING SNIPER FIRE––and playing the cello. This guy was so set on providing one tiny spot of beauty in a seriously nasty war he was risking being fucking SHOT OR BLOWN UP.

AND THIS IS THE GUY WHO INSPIRED THIS SONG.

He’s why there’s the calm cello part at the beginning before everything gets all violent-sounding. It’s THEMATIC.