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i think at a certain point shane would start getting seriously annoyed at the seemingly widespread idea that he's somehow supposed to be "controlling" ilya. maybe it starts off as a lighthearted joke with the way some of their friends will glance at him in anticipation when ilya says something particularly asshole-y like they expect him to tell ilya off. and at the beginning maybe shane somewhat gets it (but really though, he doesn't) because yeah it's his reputation in the league and maybe the rivalry plays a part in it too, especially for people who've never gotten to know him, but eventually, it just starts pissing him off
they're at the kingfisher after a game in new york and scott and some of the other admirals are there along with a majority of the cens and they're all having a good time. ilya and some random admirals player are chirping each other and ilya says something a little mean in the asshole way he does with a small tilt of his lips. and shane can suddenly feel eyes on him from scott and carter and troy and various other players, and for a second he doesn't get it. he doesn't get it, until all he does is snort in response, because well, it was true and also pretty funny and ilya really is the funniest person he knows, okay, and ilya nudges him with a small smile when he hears it, but then the stares slowly morph into something like confused gapes, and all of a sudden, he gets it. it's not the first time it happens and it definitely won't be the last, but shane starts noticing it a lot more and it continues to piss. him. the. fuck. off.
hayden giving him an expectant glance when ilya is half-yelling and groaning with a few cens in the bar at the soccer game on tv, like shane is for some reason gonna tell him to quiet down. scott giving him a quick side-eye when ilya chirps about his age on the ice, like shane is gonna tell him to stop; like he doesn't find the multiple layers to ilya's chirps to scott genuinely impressive, like he doesn't find it amusing. evan, though to his credit he was mostly joking, making a sly comment about shane needing to hold ilya back from fighting during a game, like shane would do that when ilya is well-fucking-aware of when to pick fights and when not to because he is the second-best hockey player in the league; like shane doesn't also find it unbearably hot when ilya has a little blood on his knuckles and dripping down the corner of his lips as he calls out mean little quips at the other team with a smirk on his face
because the thing about their relationship is that shane is undeniably attracted to ilya being an asshole. he thinks it's funny. it almost definitely also turns him on. and he likes when ilya is mean and smug and rowdy and a little shit. he likes when ilya is an asshole to him because that's their banter and their foreplay. he likes when ilya is an asshole to other people because he pretty much always thinks what ilya says is hilarious. (plus it's the fact that shane is also an asshole; it's just that ilya says it out loud more often than he does)
and so the thing about their relationship that, for some fucking reason, other people don't get is that shane, from the very beginning, has always and will continue to like when ilya is an asshole. and yes, they're married (shane also thinks some people seem to forget this, because why would shane marry ilya if he truly doesn't like ilya's personality. he thinks other people are a little stupid sometimes.) but they're also best friends and bond over being the best at what they do and how competitive they are and that they're both a little bitchy at times
long story short, i think that at some point during the first season of them playing together, all of the cens (and various other friends/players) eventually learn, as shane continues to not react the way they expect him to, that shane is THE biggest ilya enabler. he won't tell ilya off or nag him, but is actually probably standing a little off to the side with a tiny little smirk on his lips and hearts (and a little heat) in his eyes as he watches his husband
Ilya’s been at the cottage for about a week. Soaking up as much time with Shane as they can possibly fit into a two week period.
It’s only when he gets into the shower that he realizes they didn’t fuck yesterday. He takes a beat, really thinks it over that can’t be right, but no, it is. 24 hours in close proximity without sex. He feels oddly respectable like they could really be a responsible, boring, average couple, the kind that doesn’t have to hide and goes to events together and doesn’t jeopardize their careers by coming out. He bets this is how Scott Hunter feels with his barista boyfriend.
That lasts right up until Shane walks into the shower with him, fresh off his morning run and drops to his knees.
“Shane, fuck.”
Shane noses at Ilya’s quickly hardening dick
watches the way it thickens, blood making it swell to hardness.
Ilya threads his fingers through Shane’s hair, it’s longer now, a nice length for grabbing. Pulls his face away from his cock.
“Боже мой, you needed it that badly huh?
A whole day without and now you’re gagging for it,” he looks down at Shane’s face, his big pleading eyes and releases his grip, “we’ll go on then, take it.”
Shane shoves his face back where it was, continues licking and sucking at any skin he can reach. All the while chanting a litany of “Thank you, thank you thank y-“ as he kisses over Ilya’s dick.
He’s got one hand cupping the back of Shane’s head the other propped against the shower wall, desperately trying to stay upright while Shane mauls him.
Shane places one final kiss and kitten lick at the head of Ilya’s dick before he sucks him down in one fell swoop all the way to the base, nose touching Ilya’s pubes as he settles, finally content with Ilya’s cock shoved down his throat.
The image alone is almost enough to make him blow his load.
Shane isn’t even moving, seemingly perfectly happy to just hold his cock in his throat now that it’s there.
“Sweetheart, please move.”
He can feel Shane’s throat working his cock even without moving his head. Sees the deep flush trailing down his neck, his muscles are nicely defined from his run. Fuck his Shane is so pretty on his knees for Ilya, face red and tears in his eyes, and it’s too early for self-restraint.
“Keep looking at me like that sweetheart, I’m going to come.”
Shane keeps his eyes on Ilya, blinks slowly at him, mouth stretched wide around Ilya’s cock. He kneads his hands into the globes of Ilya’s ass using the leverage he has there to somehow press his face further into Ilya’s crotch, makes a sound Ilya assumes is meant to be a moan but can’t escape with the obstruction.
Ilya thrusts forward against Shane’s face, pulling him with him as he grinds his dick down an extra few centimetres in a poor imitation of the thrust he usually likes, it doesn’t matter, he’s so pent up at this point, he keeps Shane flush to his dick and comes down his throat, moaning.
“Shane what the fuck.” He’s panting hard as he slowly pulls out of Shane’s mouth.
Shane smiles at him, falls back on his hands a little as he looks up at Ilya.
“Good morning, I missed you.” His voice is wrecked.
“I’m not sure it was me you missed malysh” he says laughing, “did you want to get up now?”
Shane shakes his head, “no, not yet, I like it here.”
Fucking hell.
Ilya nods ignoring the way his dick twitches, “Ok, ok.” he pauses, thinking. “Do you want to stay there while I wash your hair?”
ppl are so annoying “you can’t paint ur bedroom pink you’re an adult” i did not spend my entire life waiting to grow up and control my life to paint my bedroom beige
when I first bought my house, I announced my decision to paint my bedroom purple. I had wanted a purple bedroom for thirty damn years, you fucking bet I was gonna have one now. My friends decided, for some reason, that I meant what one of them referred to as “14 year old girl purple” (through what’s wrong with the colors a 14 year old girl chooses, I don’t know, even if they’re not what I want as an adult). They didn’t believe me until they saw the color on the actual wall, even thought they helped me pick out paints. My mother, meanwhile, decided to get worried that if I painted my bedroom a “dark purple”, it would be “depressing”. As if, with an entire house to live in, I would spend all my time in the bedroom, which I wanted to be dark because I would be sleeping in there. In the damn dark.
I had like one, maybe two friends who were all like FUCK YEAH YOU PAINT IT WHATEVER COLOR YOU WANT, PURPLE BEDROOMS ARE AWESOME.
But when they actualy saw the finished bedroom, every single one of them was like, “Oh yeah, that’s really pretty.” (Well, the ones who supported me from the beginning were more like WOOHOO.)
And the moral of the story is: Fuck ‘em, please yourself. Either they’ll come around, or you can safely ignore every question of taste they opine about for the rest of time.
This applies to other adulting activities, too. When I was a kid, I decided that I wanted to have a wedding cake made of doughnuts. When I got older, I figured that I would be “mature” about it and get a traditional cake, which the older adults approved of. Now that I’m 25 and facing the possibility of actual marriage in the near future, I’m just like “marriage is a social construct but it comes with tax & insurance benefits, so just give me that goddamn doughnut cake.” If they don’t like it then they don’t have to come to my wedding.
I’m thirty and my first big furniture purchase was a custom coffin shaped coffee table that opens up and is lined with purple crushed velvet. I would have loved it at 13 and I love it now. Growing up doesn’t mean you have to abandon what makes you happy.
I have told this story before, and I will tell it again, because I am An Old now and repeating stories forever is our prerogative:
When I bought my house, the kitchen was multiple shades of dingy white. It was dismal, but it was now mine! So went to the hardware store for paint (well, several trips, painted swatches on panel, etc — I’m very picky. But this was the final, ‘real’ trip). It was a busy day in the paint section. There were at least five people behind me in line.
Now, remember, latex paint is slightly lighter and brighter when wet than it is when dry. And I’d decided to paint my kitchen candy-apple red. The hardware store employee took my gallon off the Paint Jiggler and cracked it open to put a dab on the top, revealing the most incredibly deep pink, and behind me I hear the entire line of people say,
“Oh my god.”
…in perfect chorus.
I did not realize up until that moment that shocking a crowd of strangers with my paint color choices was a life goal, but at that moment I felt an absolutely overwhelming sense of achievement.
When I first moved into my place, I painted the spare room, that eventually became my office, lime green, the kind of lime green that glows down the corridor when I open the door - The colour was only available as an “accent colour” in the section of paints intended for children’s playrooms, and in the shop I got a lot of “Oh your son will love this!” And from people I knew I got a lot of “Oh well, you’re 21 now, you’re basically a teenager, this is a terrible idea, you’ll hate it and need to pull out all the furniture to repaint it.” And I have to report that I am now in my forties and my office still looks like this, and it makes me smile every time I see it.
not decorating trends; those have always existed. but the idea that color and decoration is inherently childish
this is the dining room at the Eustis Estate in Milton, Massachusetts, from 1878 (where I used to work, briefly). the walls are TEXTURED MICA SHIMMER on a green background. Adult Space For Adults!
A jewelry shop in Paris c. 1901. kids can’t buy jewelry!
who can forget the classic 1950s colorful bathroom? I’m not a huge fan, but still! adult space! bright colors; decorative designs!
meanwhile “you’re immature if you like Art Nouveau” is a hot take I’ve really, seriously seen on this webbed site (only once, thank the gods). I don’t know who started this, but I’m going to kill them
I think a lot of it stems from the ubiquitous Waterhouse prints that were sold on college campuses for 20 years. like why would I get a free pass if it were Monet instead Western culture is stupid. The entire point of being an adult is breakfast for dinner and cake for breakfast and dying with the most toys.
The examples of decorated homes above are both either modern or upper class, which makes it easy to dismiss because “sure the rich people have beautiful homes” and “sure, modern middle-class people have lots of color in their homes.”
So here’s two examples of traditional Norwegian farmhouse interiors. You know. The kinds of places peasants live in.
This type of painting is called “rosemaling” and today you usually find it on, like, carved wooden bowls and such that are only used for decoration. But back two centuries ago, it was very common to find the interiors of homes covered in it, in projects that were painted little by little over the decades. Because it’s beautiful to look at, paint is the cheapest way of decorating your house, and what else are you going to do on the long winter nights when it’s too dark and cold to work outdoors?
But mostly, they did it because it made them happy, and it was beautiful.
A little over 10 years ago, through a combination of good and bad judgment, both mine and at least one bank’s, I was permitted to purchase a house. I promptly painted the dining room tangerine and peach. It looked amazing. I wanted to repaint the kitchen to match, but never got around to it.
I should pick a room in the current house to make fabulous.
sea creatures in space covers? stuffed animals in the storage loft bed? fairy lights? stuff hung on the wall? rainbow storage? i’m living the dream that the child of a beige almond mom would never allow
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I passed a flower shop next to a tattoo shop and at first I laughed because I thought it was ironic and then i freaked because IMAGINE YOUR OTP IN A FLORIST/TATTOO ARTIST AU
i really am not intending to make this blog cliffcentric i think we all have just woven such a beautiful tapestry of him that its just impossible for me to resist playing in the space
like that is just ilyas coworker. and yes thats work bestie and they get fucked up and do coke off the top of toilet paper dispensers very often, but men are famously not telling each other about their personal lives
i really like the idea after many seasons together cliff is just occasionally dropping insane lore that ilya had no idea about
like ilya comes in to practice hungover and cliff is all “haha long weekend huh roz. you lucky dog. you bastard. i wish i was you. i had to take my kid to the water park”
and ilya just stops dead in his tracks and is like what the fuck marley, you have a kid
and cliff is like “yeah man you knew that. two actually. but different moms.”
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ilya is having sex with shane in all of his sports cars to decide which one he’s gonna take with him to ottawa cus the car where shane hits his strongest orgasm will be the winner. when it finally happens, shane is totally worn out, panting hard with his head against the glove box and ilya is kissing his back while caressing his stomach and sometimes grabbing his chest and he goes “so this is the winner, yes?” and they both let out a breathless laugh and ilya pulls shane so shane’s back is against ilya’s chest and he asks “wanna go again?” and shane just shakes his head and ilya goes “no? did i wear out my baby?” and shane nods and ilya kiss behind shane’s ear and pats his head all gentle and goes “let’s go back to our house then im gonna shower you and tuck you into bed and kiss you goodnight” and shane just nods again, completely spent and ilya lifts him up just enough to finally pull out and they both groan at the sensitivity and then ilya gets out of the car and lift shane up in bridal style to carry him back inside, ready to shower him and put him to bed
i wanted to say something about cliff and ilya rating each others nudes
first of all they absolutely rate each others nudes, sometimes they send them not even with the intention to send the nudes so someone else, just for the hell of it, just to have the other saying hell yeah brother looking good, just to boost self esteem
second of all while the idea of them 10/10ing each picture is funny and appealing to me, i had a vision in which i saw the most meticulous earnest constructive criticism in order to help the other achieve absolute perfection
-(a dick pic, full light) move your hand down a bit, will make it seem bigger and maybe turn down the light a bit, give it an aura of mystery
-(navel to mid thigh, a giant hickey right where the pubes line starts) damn roz, who did this to you? (ilya says you should see the other guy. marley doesn’t catch on)
-(mirror selfie, full frontal) marley don’t you have a mirror outside of the bathroom? the toilet in the background is a bit of a buzzkill
-(hands down pants, dick fully erect) love the vibe but there is a giant hole in your boxers, maybe change those
-(bedroom vanity mirror, sweaty abs) damn roz someone in the bed with you? the lightnings dope but don’t send this to anyone with someone with an ass like that in the background
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I do think that that gif of Hudson looking confused on various Red Carpets exists in-universe and people use it in essentially the same contexts except that it is, of course, Shane Hollander looking blank at various pressers as yet another reporter asks him some insane run-on sentence of a word salad question. The most popular version of this gif, although there are many, is one into which someone edited #RBF in flashing glittery letters. And because it's broken containment from hockey fandom so thoroughly there are pockets of the world where Shane Hollander is not recognizable as the hockey player of a generation, or as a model, or even as one half of the most infamous outing scandal in sports history but just--the Resting Bitch Face gif guy.
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