They finish the project in relative silence. It goes a lot faster now that they aren't talking. Outside of the occasional grunt of confirmation, or turning of their laptops to show each other something, they don't really interact. Shane keeps stealing glances at Ilya. If Ilya notices, he doesn't show it. When they finally finish and turn everything in, Ilya just packs up and leaves. He's not like....completely avoiding Shane. He didn't avoiding eye contact with him or anything. But he's not really present in the room anymore. Before they'd gotten started he'd been talking about going to the 24hour cafe on campus when they were done. Shane had gotten the sense that he was going to get dragged along. Instead, Ilya just walks out without saying anything about it.
Shane stepped into Chemistry the next morning on edge. He always sat in the same spot. Second row from the front, 3 chairs from the far left edge. It was the best angle on the projector, and it was close enough that he could easily ask questions without feeling like he was in the teacher's lap. Before, Ilya had been sitting in the far back. Different chair every time, but always the last row. Since they started the project though he'd been sitting with Shane.
Shane fiddled with his pens. Trying to come up with what to say to Ilya when he sat down.
He twisted in his seat, scanning the room.
"Ok class, let's get started, today we're talking about covalent bonds"
What? Where is Ilya? Did he skip class?
All his stuff was already laid out too. So it wasn't just because he was late.
Practice that afternoon is the same. He's not fully avoiding Shane. He's just not treating him like he's special, which.....was apparently something he had been doing. Now Shane was just like any other guy on the bench. Ilya was interacting with Hayden more than Shane. All chirping of course, but still. He didn't get mad....until Ilya picked someone else when the coach told them to pair up. Hayden is delighted to be Shane's pair, of course. But a week ago Ilya would have skated over and snatched him away despite Hayden's protests. Now he just grabs some random kid off the bench. The guy isn't even good. Shane only bothered to memorize the stats of the starters, so he can't even remember the kids last name until he turns around. What the fuck.
Turns out that whenever Shane gets really fucking overwhelmed with emotion, usually anger that he doesn't have any where else to put, other people can tell. Fucking great. There was one picture in particular. Him on the ice during a game where the ref had made three terrible calls in a row, all in the other team's favor. Shane had been livid. But his mom's voice is always in his head, and Shane Hollander doesn't fight with refs. When Hayden had shown him the picture it took him a second to recognize himself. It looks like he's looking directly at the camera, but there's nothing behind his eyes.
Hayden notices that Shane is off for the rest of practice. Not that his performance on the ice suffers or anything. If Shane played like shit every time he was upset he wouldn't have made it this far. But he goes into what Hayden calls "Shark Eye Mode".
When he had first told him about it, Shane hadn't believed him. He told Hayden that he was probably exaggerating. He could just tell because they were such good buddies. He maintained that, until Hayden showed him pictures.
Yeah Hayd, like a shark. It upset him. He tried to talk to his mom about it, but when he showed her the picture she'd just said he looked "very intense" and asked if she could put it on the Instagram she manages for him. Apparently part of her motivation was that some racist asshole podcaster had been saying shit about Shane being "too soft". He agreed that the photo would definitely put that conversation to bed, but he still said no. He didn't like it. He didn't like how looking at it made him feel. Usually she would have pushed on something like that. But apparently he was so fucking easy to read she could tell she wasn't going to get anywhere with this one.
Hayden came up behind him, humming the theme song from Jaws. Sometimes it worked and he Shane would laugh. Aw yeah hayd, you're right buddy, I've gone shark mode, thanks for looking out, haha. They'd bump helmets, and it would be over.
This is not one of those times.
Shane stays stiff. He turns his head towards his friend just a fraction of an inch,
His voice was low and warning,
Hayden put his hands up and skated away backwards. Away from the shark.
When practice is finally over Shane is first off the ice, first in the showers, and first out of the locker room. Like always. He'd given up trying to catch Ilya's eye. It pissed him off, but he could swear that as soon as he stopped, Ilya started stealing glances at him. The fucker. He packed up his shit and went back to his dorm, pissed. He took the long way. He really needed to decompress on the way back. There was chem homework that needed doing, and he would need to focus if he wanted to get through it. But it wasn't fucking happening. He got home in a fog, so distracted that it felt like the walk over took no time at all. Instead of sitting at his desk and getting started like he should have, he ended up sitting on his bed. Staring into the middle distance for about 20 minutes, until he finally gave up.
He blew out of his dorm and stalked upstairs. 1221. He knocked on Ilya's door. Slightly harder than necessary. Ilya called out,
Shane didn't answer. When Ilya finally opened it, he pushed inside without waiting for an invitation. Ilya stumbled a bit in his haste to move out of the way,
"What the fuck Hollander?"
Shane walked to the middle of his room, spun around, opened his mouth.... and realized he had nothing to say. Ilya locked the door behind him, eyeing Hollander. Shane had been so worked up that he'd marched up here without thinking about it. He just knew he wanted to talk to Ilya. He honestly wanted to yell. But yell what exactly? You didn't pick me at practice today? That would sound insane......he'd been quiet for too long. Ilya raised his eyebrows at him. Fuck he was giving a lot away. He crossed his arms,
It was the best he could come up with.
Ilya crossed his arms back,
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Fuck you. Yes you do. Ever since you told me we didn't fuck you've been different. You talked about going the cafe after we finished the project and then we didn't. You went back to your old seat in class. You picked fucking Tremblay over me. You-"
"You are jealous Hollander?"
"Shut the fuck up no. I just......I don't know. I thought....I thought we were friends."
He sounded, and felt, pathetic. Ugh. This was not how he wanted this to go. The room was silent for a few seconds. Ilya nodded slowly, as if he'd said something that actually made any fucking sense.
Ilya went to his bed and sat down, kicking off his shoes,
Shane's mind blue screened but he felt himself take a step forward. The motion brought him back online and he hesitated. Ilya caught it. He looked at him, apprasing, and repeated himself,
Softer this time, he patted the bed. Shane took off his shoes and slowly came forward. Like a cat being coaxed out from under a car. He could feel his heart in his chest. When he got close enough Ilya reached out and took his wrists in his hands. Oh my god. He gently pulled Shane to the bed, maneuvering him as he laid down, so that his back was pressed to Ilya's chest. The way they'd woken up two months ago. Ilya slung an arm over his stomach and spoke softly in his ear,
"We stayed up late for project, had bullshit popquiz, and long as fuck practice. I am tired. We talk when we wake up, ok?"
Shane swallowed and nodded,
His voice sounded soft. Ilya huffed out a breath on the back of his neck and goosebumps went down his spine. You cannot get a boner right now oh my God. His heart was still pounding in his chest, which Ilya seemed to notice. He slowly brought his hand up and rubbed Shane's chest, pressing. Pressing them closer together. Distantly he wondered if he should still be freaking out about this, but it was actually pretty comforting. He could feel himself settle,
"Go to sleep Hollander. You are tired too"
Shane couldn't deny it. He let out a heavy sigh. Ilya was right. He'd been so keyed up when he walked in here. But now he was horizontal, freshly showered, and had a big warm man pressed against his back.
"Yes then we talk. Sleep"
