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Mike Driver
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
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ojovivo
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@jimmysownworld
Do people care about intro posts? idk
hello i’m jimmy, i use he/him mostly but i dont really gaf. i play minecraft with my friends as their local jester and currently am normal about heated rivalry🙂
PROUD MEMBER OF CLIFF NATION🗣️🗣️
my ao3 😛
mdni, i am 20 i have no interest in interacting with you and i block to my hearts content💪
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i wish we were able to talk about women's rights without someone mentioning how much they do or don't want to have sex with them. i don't care if you're a lesbian Stop finding worth in women purely from their perceived attractiveness
"I think women should not be expected to shave for societal respect / to avoid discrimination" "yeah🤤 i love bush" ok well that's not what we're talking about is it.
i hate how many posts about trans women deserving respect always devolve into "I love girldick" or "trans rights but I don't want to date a trans person" because that's entirely unrelated to the topic at hand. you should not respond to feminism with "YESSS I loveeee you because I see you as nothing but a sex object" you people sound like other men I get stuck talking with that end up saying "free the nipple so I can see boobies in public" and thinking they're feminists. why can't we just respect women regardless of your attraction to them or not. why does it need to be brought up in every conversation regarding their rights
As someone who already gets excluded all the time, allergies are only going to make things harder for Shane. It's a convenient excuse not to invite him to things, of course, but imagine one of his teammates at juniors has worked out that if he just happens to slip with the ketchup bottle, he gets to steal Shane's post match chips – it might not even be malicious! – or Shane running the gauntlet of explaining to the other kids that yes, this food will make him really ill, in a way that they take seriously but not so seriously they want to test it out and see what happens. He doesn't try hard enough and no one cares about cross contamination; he makes it sound too dramatic and someone sneaks a piece of tomato into his sandwich "just to see whether he was faking it".
I can see him moving to Montreal and deciding to keep his allergies under his hat to avoid it being tied into the usual hazing. Might mean he comes off as a bit antisocial, never turning up to team meals unless he's personally vetted the resturaunt and he NEVER has a cheat day for his fancy diet... but he also doesn't have to constantly play keep away with his drinks.
a severe thunderstorm warning that doesnt follow through is worse than orgasm denial
When did your English get so good? Why wasn’t I around to see it? Why did you stop answering? Who was teaching you? Is there somebody out there teaching you new words & phrases that I’ll never get to say to you? What did I do wrong? Why are you being an asshole? Can you please touch me?
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Shane for sure was once gifted a shirt that said "I love my slut husband" and claimed he only wore it ironically but it was actually because it was like catnip for his slut husband to see the words "love" and "husband" on a shirt Shane was wearing.
Speaking of shallergies while I love the Shane is deathly allergic stuff I think it’d be so funny is he’s also got some moderate allergies like my parents accidentally “poisoned” my cousin’s boyfriend with a dessert with tree nuts (particularly egregious bc they also offered it to my brother who also has a tree nuts allergy my parents just forget to check) but his anaphylaxis isn’t very life-threatening so he insisted he was fine and just threw up, went home, and took a Benadryl instead of using an EpiPen.
Anyway I think it would be funny if maybe the mayo Ilya used in the tuna melt has soy or mustard or something Shane is moderately allergic to and doesn’t always track as intensely as the other stuff that Will Kill Him and actually they don’t even get to the jerking off on the couch because Shane has to go and throw up and is actively breaking out in hives and maybe his tongue is a little swollen and this is definitely anaphylaxis but it’s not that bad Ilya I swear it’s fine no I’m taking the Benadryl don’t grab my EpiPen I don’t need it do NOT call the ambulance Rozanov I know my own fucking body I’m fine I’ll uber back to the hotel—
"it's not that deep" START DIGGING!!
DIG
DIG
DIG
DIG
OOPS TOO DEEP
slurp
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Thinking about Shane getting into YouTube rabbit holes and wondering what kinds of videos he's sending Ilya.
He's got the unlikely animal friends videos and hockey videos in his watch history that's for sure.
thinking about that one tumblr post thats like "i want a romance series where the main couple is the most normal boring couple ever and then all the background characters are having soap opera level drama we never get context about". op would love mangoball
after their coming out, #myilya is living his best and simultaneously worst life. everyone is congratulating him, telling him that pulling hollander is a masterclass in finesse. everyone is a 100% understanding and standing behind him in his "decision". the progressive kind of players all say the same thing: everyone is a bit gay for hollander. or better yet: if i could, i would. hes not wrong for locking hollander down.
and ilya is first and foremost happy that everyone loves shane. and secondly, he is jelous that everyone loves shane. he wants to fight them all. he would fight god for him. apparently everyone finds his man hot. oh yay... oh nay.
it even becomes a meme! wags start it by doing a fuck marry kill thingy on tiktok or ig, and at first its the boston wags with "marry ilya 🥰, FUCK HOLLANDER (for taking him from us) 🤬, kill hunter 🥰" but then it escalates to "marry connors 😍, FUCK HOLLANDER (shouting with full chest) 🥵, kill pike 😇"
and after a bunch of wags did this, the players themselves have to do it for their teams social media team. and they are all "i guess fuck hollander... holy shit he has the goods (ass) 🥵" or "yeah, fuck hollander! its unfair that rozanov has took him off the market literally the second he hit it. 🥴 everybody wants a piece of that"
meanwhile #myshane gets messages like "HIM!?" "serously, hIMM?!" "what am i missing?" "give me a chance, i can be so much better than rozanov" "what do you see in him?"
and shane is FUMING. his baby is the most kindest, sweetest and cutest man ever, and he is always so attentive and just genuinely a good person. and ilya is fucking hot. shane has to clench his teeth so hard every times this comes up, and ilya had to confiscate shanes phone when he wanted to post "why are all these clowns messaging me, when i have my prince charming? please get help or delete my number" or some shit like that. he is seconds away from a joker type of crash out.
they need to come up with more words like necrosis and miasma and mausoleum and cadaver and morose and decrepit and stuff like that just so metal bands can expand their vocabulary
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Devotion
“fujoshis are harmful to gay men” not this gay man.
on twitter this got a bunch of responses like “wow even the evil fujoshis? the homophobic yet hypocritically fetishistic ones? what if the fujoshi is racist?” and like well no obviously not in that case.
“shoutout to everybody from new jersey!” “even the new jersey serial killers…?”
