Spuffy

Buffy woke to the sound of a phone ringing. She looked at the clock and tried to make out the blurry numbers as her eyes refused to adjust in the dark. She grabbed it and pulled it close to confirm. 3 am.  Whatever this was it better be important.

She fumbled around for the receiver, pulling it close to her ear and burrowing back under the blankets.

“Mmmphhhh,” she mumbled.

“I’d expect our fearless leader to be a little more intimidating than that,” came the voice on the other end.

Buffy shot up, suddenly alert.

“Kennedy.”

“You said to call as soon as I had word, so I’m calling Boss.” This last part said with a heavy dose of irony. Buffy rolled her eyes. She could care less about Kennedy’s ego problems.

Buffy rolled out of bed, careful the keep the phone pressed between her shoulder and ear while she switched on the lights and grabbed a robe. This called for coffee, regardless of the hour.

“You said something about word and the having of it?” Buffy prompted, trying not to get irritated that Kennedy was drawing this out.

“Are you sitting down? Because I gotta say…this is gonna get weird.”

At that Buffy sat down, thoughts of coffee far behind her. She pulled her robe around her tight, bracing herself for the worst. Maybe Spike wasn’t alive after all. Maybe it had been some kind of sick joke. Or maybe The First was back somehow and taunting her. Ok wait, that was crazy. How would The First even pick up a phone to call her? And honestly if The First was capable of that wouldn’t last year have been a whole lot harder?

“Ahem, Buff? Are you there? Please tell me you didn’t fall back to sleep…”

Kennedy’s voice snapped her out of her anxiety spiral. She needed to chill. Maybe coffee was a bad idea after all.

“Sorry, just…it’s a lot…” she trailed off lamely.

“Hmm.”

Buffy could hear Kennedy rolling her eyes. She counted to ten in her head, willing herself to remain calm. As much as she and Kennedy were incapable of agreeing on just about anything, the other Slayer was smart, resourceful, and relentless. Even if she’d wanted to, she’d be unable to find a better candidate for this particular job.

“Well, you said you had news?”

“Yea…like I said, I hope you’re sitting down. Have you ever heard of a place called Wolfram and Hart?”

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Buffy turned the shower temperature up as high as it would go. Stepping into the steaming mist she leaned her head back, the water pulsing into her face, easing some of the tension in her jaw and neck. Say what you will about The Watcher’s Council, but they didn’t skimp on luxuries. She supposed when you had generational wealth dating back centuries it wasn’t hard to do. Too bad they never felt compelled to share any of that luxury with their Slayers. Whatever. It didn’t matter anymore. That was then and this was now, and in the now she held the purse strings. Or at least Giles did. And he wasn’t letting her down in that department. No called Slayer was left to fend for themselves. If nothing else, that would be her legacy.

She reached for the body wash and a washcloth and began scrubbing. Her skin turning red beneath her hands. She’d tried to go back to sleep after Kennedy called but it’d been impossible. She’d gone down to the training room instead, running laps around the track and hitting things, hoping she could make some sense out of the girl’s story. She’d worked up a sweat but hadn’t managed to work out any of her thoughts or feelings.

Nothing she’d said made sense, Angel was running an evil law firm? And Spike was helping? She needed more info. There had to be a reasonable explanation. Angel was a lot of things, but stupid wasn’t one of them. She hoped. He could be really stubborn, especially when he thinks he’s right. She just prayed this wasn’t one of those times.

Buffy stepped out of the shower and into a fluffy pink robe. She put on some slippers and made her way down the hall to Willow’s room. It was time to check in with the troops.

She knocked on the door gently, feeling slightly guilty for waking the witch. It was still barely light out, but Buffy was feeling restless, and she knew it wouldn’t subside until she had some answers.

Willow opened the door a crack and despite the early hour, smiled ear to ear when she saw Buffy standing there, dripping water onto the hallway floors from her still wet hair.

“Buff! Come in, come in,” she ushered her into the room, crawling back into bed and patting a spot on the mattress for Buffy to sit down.

“I’m assuming this is about Spike. Did Kennedy call? I sent her the location of the payphone he called from. I knew she’d be able to track him down from there. She’s kind of amazing at that sort of stuff. Maybe she should go work for Angel what with the whole P.I thing he’s got going on over there…” Willow trailed off when she saw the troubled look on Buffy’s face.

“How’s your hacking skills these days Will?”

Willow’s face was thoughtful as she considered Buffy’s question.

“To be honest, a little rusty, but if you tell me what you need, I can take it to the coven and with our powers combined I’m sure we can crack it!”

Buffy looked relieved.

“Good. Because something weird is going on at Angel Investigations and I want all the information I can get before we make our move.”

“Move? There’s moves?” Willow asked, before adding gently, “are you sure you wanna go poking around in Angel’s backyard? I know you’re not on the bestest of terms these days but…couldn’t you just call him and ask? Or…we could call Cordelia?”

Buffy sighed. On some level she agreed with Willow. She should give her ex a little credit, one soulless escapade aside, he’d never betrayed her trust when it came to the fight against evil. It was the one thing she’d always known and respected about him, he was on the side of the good. But something Kennedy said was sticking in the back of her mind and making her cautious. She just couldn’t shake the feeling that something was really wrong here.

“Cordelia isn’t working for him anymore.”

Willow’s eyes widened at that.

Cordelia had been with Angel since the very beginning and she was fiercely loyal to him. Hell, Angel was loyal to her too. She’d made the mistake of insulting Cordy in front of Angel once and he’d gone completely apocalyptic. She didn’t get it, but for whatever reason, Angel and Cordy were a team. If they’d split up that meant something really bad had to have happened.

“I can rationalize everything else Kennedy told me but if Cordy isn’t on board? Something isn’t right.”

Willow nodded. “Ok, I’ll do what I can Buff, promise.” Buffy reached out to squeeze Willow’s hand. “I know you will.” She got up to leave but Willow stopped her. “How’re you doing? Really? I mean…I know dead vampire boyfriends coming back from the big unknown isn’t exactly uncharted territory here but…Buffy…are you ok?”

For the first time since Kennedy woke her, Buffy felt tired. The nervous energy that had been fueling her evaporated and she crumpled down onto Willow’s bed. The witch pulled her close and stroked her hair. “Hey, hey, it’s gonna be ok! We’re gonna figure this out. I pinky promise.” Buffy chuckled at that, rolling onto her back to stare at the ceiling. “Ugh. I know. It’s just…as soon as I think my life is settling down, things have to go all Avril on me and get complicated. I’m just tired.” Willow made a small sound in the back of her throat causing Buffy to jump up. “What is with the judgy noises?” Willow laughed at that. “No offense, but you haven’t exactly been making nice with the whole sit back and relax and smell the roses thing.” Buffy rolled her eyes, “yea ok point to you.” She smiled, this was nice. If Xander was here it would feel like old times again. “Alright,” Buffy said, extracting herself from Willow’s excessively comfy bed. “I’ve been up since Kennedy called, I either need to embrace the pain and inject java juice straight into my veins or take a nap.” Willow nodded and pulled her laptop out from underneath her nightstand. “I’ll get to research, it’s what we do best!”

  —————————————————————

Back in her own room Buffy’s body felt tired but her mind still raced. She burrowed deep down under the covers, willing her mind to slow. Slow it would not. Frustrated, she slammed her head into her pillow, trying in vain to find a comfortable position. As she lay there, trying to relax, she found herself remembering another night, in another lifetime when she’d been faced with a similar dilemma. The basement at 1630 Revello Drive, May 2003, the night before the biggest battle with the biggest bad. Buffy laughed as the tension she’d been holding left her body. “Oh, thank god.” Spike smiled, relief evident on his face, “I don’t know what I would have done if you’d gone up those stairs.” Buffy looked him in the eyes and knew he was serious, knew he wanted her there. Whatever connection she’d seen him have with Faith, they were beyond that. Besides, she’d had her own moment with Angel earlier. The world was about to end, again. It seemed silly to care about what might have been when she had this, him, standing here in front of her now. “You gonna spend all night gawking at me Slayer or do you want to try and get some kip?” Buffy started, and realized that yea, she had totally just been gazing dreamily into his eyes for who knows how long. Spike chuckled at her embarrassment and took her hand, pulling her gently to the cot he had pushed up against the basement wall. It was wild to think this basement had once been her biggest nightmare. Full copper re-pipe. Guess what Buffy from the past? It gets worse. She laid down on the cot gingerly, her body all too aware of Spike’s. She could feel him trying to keep his distance, a challenging feat given the size of the cot. She tried to slow her breathing, fully aware his keen vampire senses were picking up every rapid breath, every fast heartbeat.

Her ponytail was digging into the base of her skull but she couldn’t bring herself to pull out her hair tie. Instead, she tried shifting around, her leg rubbing up against Spike’s as she tried in vain to dislodge the knot of her hair from the base of her skull. Spike grunted beside her and wedged himself further against the wall. She laughed, this was ridiculous. What were they doing? Hadn’t she just been snoozing away in his arms after he confessed his undying love for her? Why did things have to be so complicated. They could be so close one moment and so far away the next. “Something amusing pet?” Buffy sat up and pulled her hair down. Spike’s fingers were suddenly there, massaging her skull and brushing her hair down her back. She sighed. “When did we get so skittish with each other?” “Did you just say skittish?” She gave him a little shove. “Hey! What’s wrong with skittish? I’ve heard you use that word like 5,000 bajillion times,” she looked down at him to find him gazing at her with a soft, distant look on his face.

“Yea, you have.”

Suddenly, she realized where his head was at. Likely thinking of all the times she had been skittish, running away from him, from his intensity, from their connection. She sighed and laid back down, hesitating for a moment before grabbing his hand and pulling it up to rest with hers on her chest.

She studied his hand for a moment, the long, unblemished lines of his pale fingers and wondered, not for the first time, if vampires could get calluses. She bet if they could Spike would soak and buff them away.

“You know, I kinda miss the black nailpolish.”

Spike chuckled, “yea? Tell you what, we survive this thing I’ll paint the lof of em, just for you.”

She squeezed his hand hard, the reality of what they faced in a few short hours settling deep in her gut.

She hated this. Hated the uncertainty and the insecurity. Why was the thought of facing down an army less daunting than a few hours alone with Spike? He used to be the easiest person in her life to be around. The one person she could count on to give her what she needed and accept how little she could give in return. Deep down she knew that wasn’t fair, but what part of her life had ever been fair? Every day she gave and gave and gave, was it so bad that she relished the moments when Spike refused to take? Sure, she knew he wanted her to love him, but it didn’t change how he felt when she couldn’t. He didn’t run away because she couldn’t be exactly what he needed. He understood how little of herself she had to give at times. He understood and he never left…at least, that was, until he did.

She looked up at him, his blue eyes as clear as ever. He untangled their fingers and brushed her bangs away from her face. The tenderness made her heart ache. It also made her want to run.

She’d let her guard down once before, accepted him as one of the team. No, more than that. She’d trusted him with her family, with her life. And he’d hurt her and then he’d left. Just like her dad, just like Angel, just like Riley. She knew it wasn’t the same, knew it was so much more complicated than that, but a part of her didn’t care. It felt like a betrayal and it stung. And then, just when she’d started the get used to the idea of him not being there, to get used to the idea of doing this whole thing on her own, he shows up. And she can’t even be mad at him because he needs her. In a way Spike had never needed her. It made her resentful. So, she kept him at a distance, just like she did with everyone else. And then of course he went and stood by her when no one else would, because no matter how horrible she is, he’s Spike. He’s still the guy who’s gonna stand by her side while the world burns down.

She rolls her body closer to his, breathing in the cigarette and grave dirt smell of him. That smell used to fill her with guilt but now it makes her feel warm, and safe. She wants to badly to lean into that safety. To let him shoulder the weight of her heart. She’s just not ready.

“You still with me Slayer?” Spike searched her face, concern etched between his brows.

She looked up at him and realized time would have to wait. Dawn was coming and with it, an army of berserker undead creepazoids. Maybe one day she could sort out whether there was enough of her left to love Spike, but for now, this would have to be enough.

“Will you kiss me?” her voice came out smaller than she anticipated and for a moment, she feared he’d shake his head, and tell her it was a bad idea. Her body tensed on the cot in anticipation.

But he looked at her, his face serious, and said “always.”

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