the train was much emptier than it usually was when I rode it-- not that I was exactly surprised, as at the moment it was almost the middle of the day. the morning rush had come and gone and lunchtime would not be for another hour and a half, giving me a pleasant window of silence as I stood, staring out the window at the dark tunnel wall rushing by. I'd been standing far too long-- my joints were starting to ache and my circulation had never been great. still, sitting down had proved a bit uncomfortable with my tail tucked into the back of my jacket.
despite the fact that the season was by no means warm, it was still far too hot for the outfit I'd for some reason chosen to wear. the thick wool hat folded my ears down uncomfortably and it appeared that wearing a heavy jacket when you already have a fur coat is not the best idea, especially when inside. I chuckled slightly, then coughed in slight hope that that wasn't actually what my voice sounded like. no such luck. I'd called in sick without providing explanation, and it would be just the perfect bit of poetic irony if my unusual activities that day had resulted in me falling unconscious with heatstroke. I sighed. as far as sounds I could make go, that was the one that I felt the least disgust when I made.
there were, by my research, six different Walgreens that the bystander who had received the wizard's card yesterday could have been going to. I'd been to two. two trips, and it was already starting to wear on me. my legs hurt, my fur was soaked with sweat once more, and talking to two stores worth of employees had been much higher than my usual daily limit for interaction. still, I went on-- and I was reminded why I had to every time I saw my reflection in the window and had to do my best to to break down sobbing on the train. it felt wrong-- wrong in a way that would almost be better if I couldn't comprehend it but unfortunately, I could. I could see every part of me that I hated, and I knew I couldn't go back home until I could find the person who would do something about it. I tried to focus instead on how uncomfortably hot everything was.
I had stared at every piece of clothing I owned for almost five minutes that morning. my whole wardrobe, spread out across the floor and stacked neatly on my desk and bed for me to see with my new eyes and it disgusted me. it's hard to describe the pure contempt I felt as I looked even at the shirt I had worn the previous day. they didn't fit me anymore-- well, they did, but not in any way that mattered. everything was either too baggy or too tight, each shirt telling me that there was nothing for it to hide in its own unique and tortuous way. as such, I'd opted for the heaviest clothes I could find-- if they covered up even what parts I liked, then so be it. had that been a mistake? maybe. I'd never dealt with a curse before.
I lurched forward as the train screeched to a halt, its doors sliding open and depositing me onto a near-empty platform. I exited hastily and pulled my jacket tighter around me as I walked, trying not to make eye contact with what few commuters occupied the area. my eyes lingered momentarily on a rat, scampering across the cold concrete of the floor with a piece of who knows what its its mouth-- a second or so later, I continued up the stairs somewhat embarrassed at just how difficult it had been to tear my gaze from it.
"yeah, man, I got no clue what your talking about." the employee said. I recoiled slightly, then replied softly.
"I said, does anyone here--"
"dude, speak up." I sighed, then responded at full volume feeling each word claw its way out of my throat like something slimy and many-legged.
"Does anyone here know anything about it? a card? from a wizard on the subway? was the person that got it someone that works here?"
the employee thought for a moment, then replied. "I could ask around. back in a second!" he said with a grin, then disappeared into some back room or another. I stumbled around a bit before finding a chair to collapse into.
I leaned back and stared at the ceiling for a moment, sliding an earbud back into my ear for whatever hint of momentary distraction I could get and hitting shuffle on the first playlist I saw.
now that I know what I'm without
breath into me and make me real
"FUCK!" I shouted, tearing the earbud out and tossing it aside, only realizing my mistake once it had rolled completely out of sight. gripping my face with my hands I willed myself not to start crying again. not here. not in the middle of this damn Walgreens. keep moving. keep moving forward. breathe because the alternative doesn't offer any chance for improvement. look ahead. move forward. don't wait. no more waiting anymore. good.
that seemed to work. it always did. always something I could fall back on. the only thing I knew was true. the only fucking axiom this curse had to it. I repeated it to myself again and again until both parts of it stopped sounding like words, then a little bit more until finally, I heard a voice from in front of where I sat staring at the floor.
"Daryl said you were looking for this?" she was clearly an employee as well, but somehow, despite the obvious uniform, that was the second thing I noticed. it was her hair, I think-- that was what I saw first. it had a greenish tint to it much too faint but uniform to be any sort of dye but for some reason plenty noticeable. A dark purple card with gold lettering was held between two fingers of her outstretched hand, the words on it shimmering faintly in what little rays of light made it to where I sat from the distant windows. I glanced up at it for a moment, then my hand shot forward and snatched it with a speed that I hadn't thought myself capable of before. "..oh. I guess so. Its yours, then." she said, smiling slightly in a way that didn't feel condescending. "I've got no need for it, and I'm pretty sure that girl with the robes gave it to me by mistake. I'm glad you were able to find it." I scanned its contents fast enough that I had to read it a second time.
Official wizard of the area from Cedar St to Lucien Allen Park
302 Haberdasher St, apartment #105
I leapt from my chair, stumbling slightly and scrambling to find sufficient purchase on the smooth tiles to sprint to the door. before I could, though, I heard her speak again.
"wait!" she shouted. as I turned, I saw her hand slightly reaching out as if contemplating whether to stop me or not. her hair caught the light in a way that made its slight hue more noticeable, as well as the way that it matched her eyes. "you... I mean, I can..." I stopped and turned fully, half-leaning against a shelf until her words stopped fumbling. "you've been enchanted, haven't you?" I flinched, staring down at myself as I asked if it was really that obvious.
"No! not at all-- that's not... she inhaled sharply, shaking her head from side to side for a moment before gesturing to her hair. "my nan was Soraline the Lime-- small-town enchantress from a while back, you wouldn't've heard of her. anyway, she had the third sight, and I got a bit of it. anyway, I-- I wanted to make sure you knew that the hard part's over." I looked at her sideways, feeling my ears twitch beneath my hat.
"you can see the cage and you have the key-- that's the hard part. all you need to do now is move forward. good luck--" she was silent for a moment. "sorry, didn't catch your name. what is it?" I flinched as its syllables crawled into my consciousness. they felt sharp in my throat-- sharp and bitter in a way that overwhelmed my with a sudden fear at the idea that they would ever reach my lips. I froze-- staring blankly for a moment as I gripped the name that I hated and forced it back down. I could feel it, sitting in my throat. it tasted like a lie that I'd forced everyone to tell me without knowing it. I didn't want to do that to someone else-- to make them try to care about someone that never existed.
"I don't know." I coughed.
"then I hope you find one on your way there. Good luck, miss."
that last word sunk in like sunlight on my skin. for just a moment, I could feel my eyes light up like they had the night before-- before I'd gone to look in the mirror. one moment, and that was enough for what determination I had to ignite.
I ran to the door, squinting in the midday sun as I fumbled around in my many pockets for my phone and punched in the address. a two-hour walk from where I was--
If I was willing to follow the route.
cursing, I tore off my jacket and began to sprint, letting the wind in my face serve as a sufficient distraction for me to not think about looking down. no more waiting. I had somewhere to go now. I had a way forward. a way out of this cage. a way It could finally stop hurting and I could for once be alive. ahead, an enormous garage loomed between me and my shortcut. I didn't turn.
it was chilly inside-- the concrete soaking up what little bits of warmth found their way into the shade of the colossal structure. my fur kept me plenty warm as I dashed upward past the rows of parked cars, climbing higher and higher towards the light above. my legs were screaming at me to stop. to rest. to slow down at the very least-- but if my body was one that would betray me so agonizingly as to be one that was not my own, I felt disinclined to obey it. almost there. almost there. it hurt-- fuck, it hurt. my lungs felt like they were on fire as I ascended through who knows how many layers of that garage and I could feel myself continuing to overheat until I was on the verge of passing out. still, I kept moving forward because where the fuck else would I go? home? I had no home. no name. no self. if I couldn't find the person who could save me from that curse, what was even the point? as such, I kept climbing until finally after what could have been thirty seconds and could have been an hour, I could feel the open air against my face.
collapsing against the wall on the edge of the roof, I glanced at my phone again then out over the city. my destination was within view, but hours away in a city designed for cars instead of people. instead, I'd opted to do this. was it a stupid idea? yes. would it kill me? probably. would it be a risk worth taking? hell yes. trying my best to catch my breath, I pulled myself to my feet and let my eyes drift between each nearby building. too tall, too far down, too far away... perfect. on the other side of a five-foot alley, an office building sat just ten feet or so shorter than the garage I stood on. not far from that, another building seemed similarly ideal. I made my way over to the edge closest to it and stared down at the alley eight stories below me. landing on my feet wouldn't do me much good there, I thought to myself. if I failed, death was certain. if I succeeded, it would only be ten or so minutes to the place where I would finally become able to live.
with one final stretch I took a deep breath-- then a running start, and a leap of faith.
I landed softly enough that I almost didn't feel the impact, rolling slightly on the roof of the other building and springing to my feet just before realizing exactly how stupid what I had just done had been. oh well. nowhere to go but forward. that wasn't necessarily true. I could have gone down. it's just that I'd rather have taken the fastest route there than have given up now. with another sprint and a well-placed leap that I definitely would not have been capable of the day before, I continued to make my way across the skyline, feeling the wind in my hair with each jump as I flew from roof to roof. after just a few minutes, I returned once more to the ground floor right across the street from 302 Haberdasher exhausted but filled with more adrenaline than I'd ever been before. it was a small building as far as apartments in this part of the city went, only four or so floors. compared to the ten or more of every other building around it. it was nice, in a way-- pleasantly out of the way of the noise of the city despite its position so close to the center of it. I stared up at it momentarily as I crossed, then took a slow breath before stepping through the door.
titsay
2087
turnnoffyourmind
theartofmadeline
