Girl Uncle

so ummm welcome to my jar:) lemme show you around! theres some holes poked in the top so i can breathe, theres some leaves to munch on, and ive even got a twig! #mytwig

lets out one truly pitiful little whimper & then goes back to doing fucking whatever

we developed powerful teeth and jaws to rend the flesh of the devious sourdough loaf

btw it's so fucking stupid you can be anxious physically in your body even after you've decided mentally you don't care. I'm supposed to be in charge here

*turns my attention inwards* mmmmm. no *turns my attention back outwards* oh god

i love when dvd players hold out a little tray and you put the disc on it. it’s like you’re placing it into its little hand. hate the dvd players that make you push the disc into its mouth and then it swallows it obediently

gently placing a microSD card full of 0days on my robot girl's tongue

i feel so the curse !

monday is not real it can’t hurt you

they're trying to get me to do something called ""my job"" instead of reading about medieval english poaching laws

starts talking about my emotional state with 2 degrees of abstraction instead of 7 and the sniper across the street who i pay to keep me in line fires a warning shot thru my little hoop earring