Girl Uncle

so ummm welcome to my jar:) lemme show you around! theres some holes poked in the top so i can breathe, theres some leaves to munch on, and ive even got a twig! #mytwig

sorry man im new to fleeting moments of clarity

not a caller not a texter but a secret third thing

don’t contact me. ever

one time I told my therapist "I tend to have issues with people who think of themselves as authority figures" and she burst out laughing and then said "I think we need to pause and reflect on how you phrased that"

I mean, what, was I supposed to refer to them as if they actually are authority figures? those don't exist

they're saying that Thursday will be falling on a Thursday this week. the rare double Thursday phenomenon

i'm so tired of social media users saying "successful people are abusing stimulants". unsuccessful people are too. #WEMATTER

*stopping random people at the mall* look out, ok, because today was a friday thursday

We have so little time

let's waste as much of it as we can while we still can

nothing bad is ever going to happen to me ever because I am not real

it honestly feels good as hell to take medicine

they say you can't pour from an empty cup but i've been doing it my whole life and aside from all of these mysterious ailments it's working out great for me

Why is pet play always dogs anyway

Youre a dirty little goldfish arent you. daddys gonna clean your tank out so good so you have to wait in the sink until im done.

i say yay outloud too like this isn't just my internet persona this is real me

if you're having trouble sleeping the best you can do is put a bright object close to your face and look at it for at least 30 minutes. if that doesn't work you can close your eyes but make sure to think really hard about a bunch of bullshit