Idk how to explain it but the “no I did not answer your boring text” “fine, fuck.” exchange is among their most jock4jock interactions

ilya telling shane about irina and how they were best friends and he hung out with her all the time and he was her protector and he would skip school on her bad days to brush her hair and make sure she ate something even if it was just tea and she was an angel and you know shane is calculating how best to gently bring up to his husband that that doesn’t sound like it was very fair to child ilya without ilya reacting like a wild fucking animal

ilya comes back from therapy with galina like three months after this fight (of course it was a fight) and with the same candor as ashley padilla in then mom confession sketch goes i’m only going to say this once and i’m only going to say it if after i do you promise you will not react no talking no faces no nothing and shane’s on the couch reading like uh. what’s going on? and ilya goes what i have to tell you. Is that I think I was treated unfairly. By my mom. and of course shane makes a face and ilya is reacting like a wild fucking animal

i think ilya’s identity has been repeatedly stolen (well actually he just enters his credit card onto any sketchy website) and someone is siphoning like a thousand dollars a month from him and ilya has never noticed. he is fully supporting a scammers family somewhere and he has no clue.

Okay well how about you take the photos of our moldy flooded house using your, "Amazing Digital Camera" so that the insurance company can reimburse us like I asked you to

it’s actually wild how terrified of the general public most usamericans are. like you don’t realize it if you’re someone who mostly walks and takes transit and spends a lot of time in populous public spaces but then you talk to one of the thousands of people that seemingly never set foot in any public space besides a parking garage or a starbucks and you suddenly understand why it’s so easy for fascist rhetoric about the dangerous alien to take root. this country’s median voter pretty much never interacts with strangers who aren’t their coworkers or people they met on dating apps

saw a post on instagram that was literally someone citing statistics saying public transit is one of the safest travel options out there and the comments were literally just “ummmmm op this is so ableist and misogynistic of you :) don’t you know the average public transit user is a dangerous violent criminal who wants to set you on fire :)))”

it must be so terrifying and sad to go through life convinced if you set foot outside your car in public or interact with people outside your nuclear family you’ll instantly be raped and robbed by the Evil Poors no wonder so many of these people are reactionary tar pits

complimented a womans clear raincoat this morning and she said Well i feel like a sandwich

Have we considered that Rose Landry might get off on fucking guys who are sad and uncomfortable the whole time. That she's doing it on purpose. That she can see on their faces that they know they're supposed to find her sexy and be enjoying the sex because she's perfect and they're trying good lord are they trying but they keep going soft inside her and they're panicked and devastated about it. And then she gets to comfort and reassure and be so cool and nonjudgmental about their soft dicks. And then she gets to very gently tell them they're gay, and that's part of the sex, too.

honestly shane getting a blowjob and fingers in his mouth while hayden is confiding in him about his wife's difficult delivery and how they need her brother to help while shes in recovery is one of the funniest fucking things he has ever done. hes such a jock. hes like damnnn that sucks anyway hold on [cums]

regular sized connor keeps fairy hudson in his jar of chia seeds and coconut cream

i don't think you're supposed to call gay people that