✨adam schürk apologist✨

Today’s gender: gay pirate🏳️‍🌈🏴‍☠️

spoiler: he actually steps foot on the sand. in fact he bathes himself in spf 50+ thrice because rhaegel dares him to a beach volley match and who's maekar targaryen if not a man suffering from his own pride and now he's roasting himself kebab-style, yelling profanities because why the fuck is sand so unbaerable anyway UGH YOU ABSOLUTE WANKER

all the while dunk didn't even get properly invited, the conversation went like

baelor, pouring himself a glass of wine and ignoring aerys double-texting him about wanting him and rhaegel to explode: so there's this all-inclusive resort with a private beach and all-you-can-eat breakfast and every room has a built-in jacuzzi and we all book the whole place for two weeks because it's tradition, i mean it, it's engraved on our schedule, and i hope i didn't overstep by booking a room for two this time around

dunk: are you paying for it

baelor: the company card does

dunk: did egg put you up to this

baelor, who witnessed his nephew's exasperating meltdown the day before about how BORED he gets each summer so it's only right that he concocts escape plans that promptly get him to the er and make the capillaries in maekar's eyes burst: partly

dunk: as long as i can make my own protein shakes i'm in

so he goes and buys swimming trunks and every day looks and feels like a parks and recreation episode because egg drags daeron on some good old crab hunting, which ends in egg pissing on his brother's leg because he got stung by a jellyfish and THIS IS THE PROPER WAY TO DEAL WITH THIS STOP ACTING LIKE A FOOL URINE DISINFECTS THE WOUND (it doesn't) i'm going to die, am i not

meanwhile valarr and keira are enjoying their stay like it's their honey moon, they literally pull a The Three Wise Monkeys and valarr manages to write his thesis from his striped deckchair and keira sips her fancy cocktails in her colourful bikinis and the only occasion where they look possessed targ-style is when rhaegel and dunk challenge them to a table football match. they become Monsters and win 5-1 (the one goal dunk scores is purely pity-driven. keira lets him score and obliterates him a second after)

dunk spends 75% of his time sleeping and building sandcastles which baelor avidly collects by taking pictures of the whole structures and their details (dunk once sculpted a three-headed dragon and yes the thing was lopsided and yes it resembled a chimera of weird dogs but it sure is baelor's favourite). he stares at his man working and documents his process. aerys sits under the parasol next to him and he's half-reading a book about ariosto's usage of a hippogriff to get his insane hero to the moon so that he could retrieve his sanity back and he goes

aerys: are you marrying him

baelor: i would love to

aerys: good. please do so next year. i will not tolerate seeing these many people again before my battery's fully recharged

and that's it he's getting back to his room

also shiera tries to negotiate with the town's local aquarium because she wants to adopt the sturgeons and pouts for a total of 36 hours after accepting her defeat. brynden buys her two betta fish and she starts talking to them non-stop, consequently ignoring him for the rest of their stay

things get absurd when dunk suggests he and daeron rent a pedal boat and get offshore and daeron had a spritz too many and the sun is cooking him to sleep so he's not pushing on those pedals anymore and they get STRANDED with no phones and dunk panics and daeron panics and after 45 minutes here comes maekar on a coast guard boat red in the face SCREAMING and he gets them back and has them sit on the reception couch and screams some more. baelor pops in and goes are you done not yet go on then and just WAITS there with his arms crossed on his chest looking at dunk like he's the whole world and he's having the most fun he's experienced in a long time and dunk catches it and maekar catches it and now he's screaming at his brother too