better to be lonely, yearning

the destiel angst of s11 is so delicious. like you have cas believing he's expendable, he's nothing more than a tool and his only worth is in being used and he needs to be helpful to the winchesters so he let's himself get possessed by lucifer. and then dean is struggling with his weird non-con connection to amara and he's being told he's pining after someone and to follow his heart and his heart got possessed by the devil and he's devastated and now sam spends every episode consoling dean that they'll get cas back and he'll be fine and then cas is back and he tells dean he'll go with him and die and oh my god its crack right into my bloodstream.

one day jack goes “cas, what’s your last name?” and cas looks at sam, who shrugs at him, and then at dean, who is just. staring at him. and cas is about to say “i don’t have a last name” (which he thinks will make jack sad and then jack will share his own last name with cas, and castiel kline doesn’t sound too bad, cas supposes) but before he can open his mouth, dean says “winchester”. cas and sam stare at him. “okay!” jack says cheerfully, and cas croaks out “are you proposing to me?” which is insane because a) they’re not even dating and b) dean has said multiple times that cas is his brother, so obviously he’s referring to the fact that brothers share last names, but dean clenches his jaw and says “so what if i am?” sam stares at him in shock. jack is obviously confused by this turn of events. cas just nods and says yes, because what else is he supposed to do?

cas lying to get out of trouble like misha collins voice Dean. im pregnant and it's yours. we cant argue because its is bad for the baby ... our beautiful baby in my womb

dean who has never had sex with castiel + dick hasn't worked in several years due to the ptsd and heavy drinking: oh my god..... i cant believe i knocked up my buddy cas

Also, Dean willing to punish himself by not letting Cas heal the damage he did while under the attack dog spell, because he can't let go of almost killing Cas while under the mark of Cain, and Cas's reluctance to let him sit in pain caused by his hands? Gay sex is less intimate than what these guys got going on