mutuals can always dm me but be warned i talk like your coworker who is trying too hard to get to know you and my response times are akin to the response times you might get if we were communicating by letter

he wasn't even looking at me and he found me

tannertan36
trying on a metaphor

romaā

ē„ę„ / Permanent Vacation
Today's Document
Aqua Utopiaļ½ęµ·ć®åŗć§čØę¶ćē“”ć

if i look back, i am lost

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todays bird
Jules of Nature

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ellievsbear
Sade Olutola

izzy's playlists!
wallacepolsom
Cosimo Galluzzi
we're not kids anymore.
cherry valley forever
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@benevolentvulture
mutuals can always dm me but be warned i talk like your coworker who is trying too hard to get to know you and my response times are akin to the response times you might get if we were communicating by letter

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how it feels to be surrounded by perverted mutants
STOP REBLOGGING I MEAN MUTUALS
hello! i am crumb cat!
socials
twitter youtube twitch
me: *googling what kind of bike helmet i should get*
search result 1, AI-generated article: Since the dawn of time, humans have wondered what kind of bike helmet is best for protecting their cranium and lower intestine. In the event that you find yourself with a bike helmet, you must find a way to save your family. Therefore, we have compiled a list of qualities to look for. First, sodium content is of great importance when biking your helmet.
search results 2, 3, and 4: sponsored ads for bike helmets on amazon
search result 5, reddit thread: bikeaholic363736: hey guys, do any of you have experience with the windslapper 30g helmet from spronklegear?
spokejunkie666: it's probably the best helmet on the market right now. if you're not using the windslapper you might as well just be riding your bike into a woodchipper
handlebar_hamburglar: idiot. we've had this thread a hundred times. don't the mods enforce the repost ban anymore? OP, don't listen to spokejunkie. the windslapper is the leading cause of death in the netherlands
Fibre crafts are 50% soothing repetitive action and 50% "God Fucking Damnit"

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Here's some summer advice from a guy who worked in skincare:
-you need to wear sunscreen if youre going out in the sun. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. You don't need the expensive designer stuff but please just wear sun protection.
-you still need sunscreen if you are black or dark-skinned. Not only can you still sunburn, but direct UV light exposure also increases your risk of skin cancer, no matter how much melanin you have. There's tons of brands out there that are made for darker skin tones that don't leave that ashy finish behind, you just need to know the terms to look for. Look for the words "tinted, matte, mattifying," and shea butter-based sunscreens. There's also lots of brands that are formulated with your skin tone in mind. I don't have any to recommend unfortunately because I don't have experience needing that, but I know they are out there.
-if youre very hairy and cream sunscreens get caught in your body hair and glob up, get a spray sunscreen instead. It'll get in all the nooks and crannies instead of getting caught in your hair. Spray sunscreens are also good for those who have troubles with the effort and time it takes to put on sunscreen. Just make sure you spray it in a well ventilated area or, better yet, under cover outside, like on a porch or balcony.
-dont believe the fearmongering about chemical sunscreens. They're much more reliably protective than mineral sunscreens are. Thats because theyre chemically formulated in lab settings to be consistently protective and keep on shelves for long periods of time, while mineral sunscreens have a bad habit of ingredient separation and uneven formula mixes. Really, unless youre swimming directly in the great barrier reef or you have a specific skin condition or allergy to the ingredients in chemical sunscreens (the only customer i actually recommended our mineral sunscreen to over our chemical one was a regular who had skin cancer), you don't need a mineral sunscreen. Your wallet will also suffer less.
-you might have to double cleanse in the shower to get all sunscreen residue off your skin. Thats a good thing actually, it means your sunscreen is really good at barrier protection, but its also annoying. The way to do this without drying out your skin too much is by doing one quick cleanse of your skin with about half the soap you's typically use just to loosen up that residue and dirt, and then another deep, proper clean like you usually would that will get it all off. While leftover residue isn't really a health risk at all, it can clog your pores over time and cause uncomfortable acne breakouts, as well as trap dust and dirt under all the gunk. It can also get on your bedsheets.
-if you double cleanse, I recommend moisturizing after because it does dry you out a bit. You don't need a big fancy designer moisturizer either, just go to the drug store and get their basic pump bottle of body lotion, and separate facial moisturizer (the separation matters, the skin on your face is a lot more thin and delicate than the skin on your body). The main thing you want to look for with any product is that you arent allergic or sensitive to the active ingredients and avoid anything that uses alcohol as a binding ingredient.
-hats, hats, hats!! They keep the sun out of your eyes and your face!! You cant put sunscreen on your eyeballs!! Wear hats!!
-go have fun!! You can have your beach days and sun fun without cancer risks!!
and if you think "what's the big deal? I don't even sunburn that much!"
neither did my mother but she still had to have most of her upper lip reconstructed after skin cancer removal surgery last year
wear your sunscreen
why your sewing machine is acting up: - tension is wrong - wrong needle size - thread bit stuck somewhere - tension again - needs a deep clean and oiling - you said something and now its offended and refusing to cooperate until you realize your error and beg forgiveness
free the nipple has to make a resurgence for a number of reasons but bro look at our upcoming eternity of wet bulb temps youre smoking straight up cock if you think im keeping a shirt on when it hits 105° in new england
White people be like: I have to take my french bulldog to the chiropractor
White people be like: I have to take my elderly cat to acupuncture

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As a Greek, in response to the current controversy about Matt Damon being cast as Odysseus, I'd just like to share that one of the moments that changed my brain chemistry as a kid was reading a novelized version of the Odyssey and coming across the following description of Odysseus when Circe sees him for the first time and thinks he's hot: "his hair curled like a clematis and his eyes were very brown".
So may I present my own casting choice for Odysseus:
Excuse me???
you are right and you should say it.
Is this the face of a man who would put his own infant in front of a plow to avoid going to war?
Absolutely not
You know who would try that shit?
Is this the face of a man who would defy the very gods to get home to his wife?
You know who would defy the gods just to show he could get away with it?
The last thing Penelope's suitors ever see:
Pilgrimage to visit the Oaksey mermaid - the remains of a circa early 15th century religious wall painting of St Christopher carrying the Christ child - with a beautiful yellow-haired mermaid between his ankles - complete with her mirror and comb. She, and the other church paintings, were covered in layers of lime wash during the reformation. All Saints in Oaksey also has a fabulous sheelagh-na-gig on the outside.
my austin powers soundtrack cassette is warped and i feel like im in some fucked up mario kart map and i got struck by lightning
audio as requested
i think chris flemings is one of the only comedians thats going to get into heaven

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as it gets warmer let's all remember the two most beautiful accessories a girl can have this summer are hairy legs and a bunch of bruises from bangin around
Listen to me. Listen to me. Listen to me. Listen to me.
I know there is a lot of discourse (tm) around this right now but listen to me
sometimes you do just have to lie to children.
If, when my toddler is, you know, toddling around saying āmama? Big ball?ā
If I were lean down and say āunfortunately the big beach ball for some reason fills you with such an unadulterated rage that is beyond human comprehension that you scream until you pass out, so mama had to remove the beach ball from the premises until you can better regulate your emotionsā she would simply stare at me like I had 3 heads full of equal betrayal.
So, for now, instead ābig ball went night night!ā
Please understand when I say āremoved the ball from the premisesā I mean I popped it in a fit of exhausted confusion. I murdered the beach ball.
See Iāve lied to you all too and it was better this way.
you canāt just leave this in the tags etc.
You canāt be funnier then me on my own posts, Iām in tears from laughter