as it gets warmer let's all remember the two most beautiful accessories a girl can have this summer are hairy legs and a bunch of bruises from bangin around

You can’t be funnier then me on my own posts, I’m in tears from laughter

#my family does this thing#when we've majorly unfucked a room or done chore that we were putting off#or whatever. Any sort of household Improvement.#'Come brag on me.'#I means come look I cleaned/rearranged/did dishes/put away the laundry#and the scripted response is 'oh nice it looks SO much better in here now'#like my mom did this when we were kids.#'girls comr brag on the garage I finally organized it so I can get my car in there'#and we go and 'ooh' and 'aah' and tell her how nice it looked and how she did a good job#and we could have her 'come brag on' us for like doing the dishes or cleaning our rooms#I do it to my wife now too#it's a dialogue that means#'I did a chore and it feels like an Accomplishment even if it objectively wasn't a big thing. Please acknowledge this.'#and#'Wow you sure did do a thing. It has improved our material circumstance even if only in a small way. Thank you for doing it.'#like yeah scrubbing the pans is my Job and it's a Little Task but sometimes it feels like a Big Task#and it's nice to have an Accepted Script where I can just demand 'I have functioned as an independent adult praise me with great praise' - by @thepioden

the sewing machine is like if a horse and an inkjet printer had a child

This only applies to the modern show breeds of sewing machines. Heritage breeds like the Singer 27, 15, 66, and 201 are docile and extremely hardy. They're easy keepers, requiring oil and the occasional light bulb to maintain working condition. Treadle and crank varieties thrive on an electricity-free diet. Injuries, while rare, are quickly resolved thanks to a thriving aftermarket parts trade. In cases of severe neglect, percussive maintenance via sledgehammer can restore motion.

“This collapse is a telltale sign of a problem known as publication bias. Small, early studies which found a significant sex difference were likelier to get published than research finding no male-female brain difference.”

Your heart is not true enough to enter the gates of Margaritaville

My kids call these popcorn trees

"The world's first trillionaire murders 9.4 million people" would be a more appropriate headline.

baby girl I don't know what that acronym means. it would be so sexy of you to write out that piece of media's name in its entirety. Just the one time for momma please.

The internet is so staggeringly immense that I can’t help but be disproportionately delighted when things like this happen.