Magnificently Cursed

the phrase really should be "eat your cake and have it too" im with the unabomber on this one

I passed a flower shop next to a tattoo shop and at first I laughed because I thought it was ironic and then i freaked because IMAGINE YOUR OTP IN A FLORIST/TATTOO ARTIST AU

OMG I COULD TOTALLY IMAGINE THEM LIKE THAT IT WOULD BE SO PERFECT

When I was a kid watching tv was idiot coded and nerds read books, but now scrolling shortform videos is considered braindead behavior and watching tv means you're some kinda intellectual. You might think this shifting assessment of media's consumers might make readers into absolute super geniuses, but no. Only perverts read now.

Bear religion probably fucking rocks. You're a fucking bear, you're the deadliest thing on earth, once a year an endless supply of salmon just flings itself up the river to gorge on and then you nap for 3 months.

The most delicious food in the world is protected by tiny demons who can defend it from everyone except you. Your natural armor is thick enough that you can just eat the damn hive while they buzz around you. God's chosen animals right there

the species that can take you out are literally wizards with magic boom sticks that instantly wound you from a distance. they're mostly just scared of you though, if you catch one without the boom stick they're very easy to kill. also they leave treasure chests full of delicious food around where they live and if you're smart you can figure out how to open them. going into one of their settlements is basically a dungeon crawler RPG.

why do people think victorian orphans were like. the peak of sheltered pure innocence

"imagine feeding mountain dew to a victorian orphan" they'd probably appreciate the pick-me-up before their shift as junior osha violator at the accident factory

"imagine showing a victorian orphan vtubers" they'd say "this is boring i wanna watch public executions"

#that victorian orphan works as a chimblysweep to buy lifesaving medical cocaine and chloroform for his sister and yall dont even smoke weed

it’s what they would have wanted

happy moonwalk day

I sentence you to thinking about dragons for 10 billion year

it's soooo telling because like on one hand: yeah, we know. we all know. you acting as if we don't know says more about your attitude than ours. and on the other hand: maybe the fact that for over a century women (and it is mostly women, still) have been getting together to imagine "what kind of man would I like to marry" and the resulting archetype is, most notably, more supportive, more caring, and better in bed than the men who complain about romance novels being unrealistic... maybe that should make you realise some stuff, idk. about either yourself as a person or patriarchy as a societal structure, whichever

if you see me liking contradicting headcanons for the same character just know it's because I do not give a fuck and I have an active imagination #hewouldsaythat

sometimes it’s not about ‘would he say that or do that’ it’s more like that would be hilarious if he did because I have a jester’s heart

#id like if he said that for my entertainment

buzz aldrin and neil armstrong liked to do a thing where they’d tell unfunny jokes at parties about being on the moon and when people were confused they’d go “guess you had to have been there”

you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for an amazing reason