Xylem Sap

Confused by the numbering choices here

that's the order numbers go in.

but you have 12 options

this poll has five (5) options actually

they want you to make fried rice

who is "they"

the wok left

how am I supposed to make fried rice if the wok left

skillet issue

The feminine urge to write surfsahoy but flipped so madwise and elmike work together and madwise are both despairing because they think there crushes are dating while at surfer boys mike and el are coming up with the tenth plan of the day to try and ask them out

Fun family story: when my aunt was marrying her wife everyone was really excited but also dreading it because my aunt is known for her insanely long speeches so everyone knew her vows would be like 9 hours long so when it came time for her to say her vows she had a shit ton of cue cards in her hands and even her wife started groaning and my aunt took a deep inhale and then unravelled all the cue cards which were taped together and they all just read ‘HOT DAMN’ in giant letters and those were my aunts vows.

next time you’re at the thrift store and find a nice solid thick pile area rug for a shockingly good price and you’ve been looking for an area rug for the office forever and the color goes really nicely with the office color scheme and you think this is it, this is what i’ve been waiting for, stop, and ask yourself: did i take the bus here?

next time you’re on the bus and see someone with an area rug and a look of deep disappointment in themself mind your own business

"nazism is on the rise! more people support facism, racism, homophobia, ableism" that's true, but aren't you missing something? "right i almost forgot political violence"

I like to imagine that sometimes Will turns the radio on in his and mike’s apartment in order to have some background noise and when a song they particularly like comes up, he turns the volume on, they both leave what they’re currently doing to dance to the song in their living room and this eventually becomes a byers-wheeler tradition.

i always click the "track package" button as soon as i get the email. "oh boy i wonder where my package is!" warehouse.

For a moment I thought they were going to spend eternity together in the cosmic bookshop writing the whole universe back in existence in the blank books...

a while ago i saw a video of a chastity cage being used to separate an egg yolk from whites. another time, i saw a video of a hitachi wand being used against a metal bowl to sift the clumps out of flour. the question is what other culinary applications can we find for sex toys? today (gesturing toward adam and jamie with my gun), on mythbusters,

Was talking with a friend about this last night. Additionally, if this book of life houses everything that ever was and will be, why is Satan not in the book of life and why was he not destroyed as well? It makes sense that Gidvs not in the book of life, but Satan was originally an angel and should have been in it as well?