Yiffmaster420

ok so I looked it up, and it turns out they made a track out of PVC pipes, down a hill. The owner didn't realise PVC expanded in the heat, so on a turn the track just fell apart and the dude inside went over a fucking free way and into a swamp.

The funniest part is that the inspector was watching the whole time, and once the ball stopped he left without saying anything. Park management just shut it down then and there.

another heavy handed symbolism moment: my mom has a potted sunflower in the kitchen. because it is a sunflower, it keeps turning towards the light from the window. my mother keeps rotating it so it faces inward because she wants "to see its beautiful petals and have it really brighten up the space!" . the sunflower is visibly wilting .

are you going to tell her or

her masters degree is in biology

go white boy! get stupid!

lost in the sauce

Happy Wet Beast Wednesday

This is what trying to speak a foreign language with a person who doesn't speak your language feels like.

just saw a horse scurry under the fridge

im feeling so sensual and nude

I'm in a little local cafe and the women behind the counter started griping to each other, "Oh Christ, Stephen's back again," "It's him, is it? I thought he'd stopped coming," "It's definitely him, look, it's bloody Stephen on a Thursday morning," "Do you want me to get rid of him or are you going to do it?" and so I was peering outside, trying to spot this nightmare customer, this pestilence of a person, this pox upon the cafe trade, and then one of the women from behind the counter ran outside, clapping two trays together loudly and yelling "GET OUT OF IT, STEPHEN!" and it turns out that Stephen is an absolutely gigantic fuck-off seagull who hangs around outside, menacing people for crumbs

woahhhh a floor beef clover it must be my yucky day

Monster dating sim with a Sierra adventure game circa 1990 ethos about bad endings where the monsters are genuinely well meaning and there are just an unbelievable number of ways for them to accidentally kill you, and – this is key – there's a fuckass narrator who has a unique stupid pun for every single one.

Ideally it should also have a 90s Sierra adventure game approach to routing, like you can make a seemingly innocuous decision in the first five minutes of play that locks you into an unavoidable bad ending. You neglect to pick up the condoms from the nightstand (which is not even visually flagged as interactable) in the very first scene, and three quarters of a route later you have a bizarre allergic reaction to your partner's bodily fluids that somehow causes your head to pop off of your shoulders and go shooting out the window like a bottle rocket. The narrator responds with a strained wordplay about the semantic distinction between "getting" head and "giving" head.