aurhum

Me having sex after 10 years of playing WoW: i need you to wear these giant shoulderpads Her: why? Me: please

I just outsmoked a wild boar and it dropped two gold and 12 exp as it greened out

i just apolitically killed the king like i have no agenda or whatever im just the jester here but i stabbed him anyway LOL all the courtiers and advisors are trying really hard to figure out who did it LOL all of them wanted him dead but they dont know whose scheme it was so nobody can promulgate a coherent political maneuver based on the circumstances LOL just playing my lute #MyLute

everyone on the block hates me because I have to take my pet loose sheet of aluminum siding on a walk every day at 3am

Dahling you simply must read this book! It’s all about this devious little caterpillar who simply gorges himself on all manner of divine things

fuck, marry, kill: the wound that won’t heal, the past you can’t undo, the ghost that keeps returning

stop thinking with your dick and start thinking with your pussy. ok now stop thinking with your pussy and start thinking with your dick again. meditate on the differences between them. call me back when you get it.

we all have the homie that's a cautionary tale

had