Everybody remember where we parked. @audiblelight - Tumblr Blog

Squidward looks so cute and happy here he is loving this bath

He's So Adorable And Misunderstood

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cassili

anthraxofeffervescence

The core conceit of Lord of the Rings is pretty funny. You are a twenty three year old in a suburb of Maine. The little bracelet in your grandpa’s attic has an inscription on it that is the password to the world’s entire nuclear arsenal. It is up to you to walk to the only hydraulic press in the world, located in Arizona, before the FBI finds the bracelet, kills you, and enslaves the suburb of Maine you currently live in

anthraxofeffervescence

Also the 90-year old hobo that your grandpa beat in a rap battle for possession of the bracelet while hiding from the Romanian secret police really loved the bracelet because it was coated in small amounts of LSD and tried to hunt and kill your grandpa to get it back. He was then apprehended by the FBI and instantly gave them your grandpa’s address. Seal Team Six is about to break down your door and shoot you, says your local congressman who can also do cool magic tricks

bloodyraven1001

There's a guy in NY who MIGHT be capable of destroying the codes but won't coz he simply wants to spend time with his wife. So it's up to your grandpa's old friend in rural Ohio to get you the friends capable of finishing the task.

ariaste

And we must not, at any point, remember the existence of aircraft and ask aloud why we can't just fly to Arizona

horizon-penblade

We can't use aircraft because the fbi has access to all the flight data how many times do we need to go over this

copperbadge

It’s been the kind of day that culminated in my telling someone moments ago that the date was the fifth of Wednesday.

I hope you all have a really good fifth of Wednesday.

latveriansnailmail

you fool

you just created another tumblr holiday

copperbadge

Bold of you to assume that was not my intent!

jacyevans

Happy Fifth of Wednesday everyone!

sorryimamagpie

Omg I almost didn’t see this in time

orteil42

I must not explain the joke. Explaining the joke is the joke-killer. I will face my followers who did not get the joke. I will permit them to pass over me and through me

orteil42

you are making this so difficult

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calamitys-child

Other comic strips I think about all the time: this one Calvin and Hobbes arc where he gets an alien to impersonate him in class. Every single time I bring a packed lunch to work I look straight down the metaphorical camera and think "Lunboks:)"

calamitys-child

The fuckin hold this single comic panel has had on my psyche for almost 20 years now

contemptible-scoundrel

norbert, the aggrieved

ever-jovial barnaby

the great archibald

shrewd percival

timid constantine

bowelfly

biomaterial

The night gardener once asked me if I knew how citrus trees died: when they reach old age, if they are not cut down and they manage to survive drought, disease and innumerable attacks of pests, fungi and plagues, they succumb from overabundance. When they come to the end of their life cycle, they put out a final, massive crop of lemons. In their last spring their flowers bud and blossom in enormous bunches and fill the air with a smell so sweet that it stings your nostrils from two blocks away; then their fruits ripen all at once, whole limbs break off due to their excessive weight, and after a few weeks the ground is covered with rotting lemons. It is a strange sight, he said, to see such exuberance before death.

When We Cease to Understand the World, Benjamín Labatut

biomaterial

thank you for the insight

renthony

I am begging people to use LibreOffice and personal storage devices like hard drives or USB sticks instead of relying 100% on Google Docs. LibreOffice is free and open-source, it saves files to your own computer, and it lets you save as many different file types. You can write in it, format ebooks in it, and do everything you might possibly need to do as a writer.

"Oh, but I'll lose my USB stick--" Fine, back things up in whatever cloud you use as a form of extra protection, but you should also try your absolute damnedest to also put them on some form of storage that isn't a cloud.

I know it's not accessible to everyone, but if you at all have the ability, don't rely on shit that lives on other people's computers. Especially with everything going on with AI theft and aggressive censorship of adult media. If you don't store your files on your own personal computer that you have control over, your files aren't fully yours, and they're at the whims of whoever owns the cloud.

Learn where your files are stored and how to access them. Get into the habit of backing up your files to your own personal storage. Even if you're not up for intense tech research and you don't care about how the computer actually works, please stop letting your art live in corporate clouds.

malice-kingdom

I somehow just realized Vulcan and Erid share the same sun.

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achillesinhighheels

origami-butterfly

We can't live like this

komaedalovemail

i fucking hated your shoelaces this entire time

butterfirefly

for the uninitiated

invisible-goats

saw an ad outside a local restaurant that said "have a star-crossed dinner this valentine's day"

do...do people not know being star-crossed is bad?

"come here and have a dinner that's cursed by fate"

3liza

everone in the replies going "no it isnt" and "ive never heard it used that way before" take a look around at what and who you are surrounding yourself with. ignorance is contagious, never just assume you know the actual literal meaning of anything, look it up

bmoviebabylon

1994

girldraki

angelic-odette

When I say women should have higher standards for how they're treated, this is exactly what I mean. At the first insult? Kick. Him. To. The. Curb.

somethingfangirly

Seriously. What the fuck did he think was going to happen?

bigmickswingin

protip for everyone, but mostly boys in this case:

when you are on a date, and someone has an interest you don't quite get, instead of saying lol lame, try saying hmm i don't quite get that, please explain that to me, and then listen as the other person talks about why that thing is something they are in to.

you might learn something which recontextualizes the matter, and you will definitely learn something more about your date, which is the entire point of dating.

you don't have to be a superfan by the end, but you will have shown you can be chill and take an interest in stuff, which is much more likely to result in a second date instead of being ditched in a coffee line.

this also works outside of dating, btw.

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thoodleoo

if anyone ever tries to tell you that the ancient greeks were more sophisticated than us, just remember that there was a ship war between plato and aeschylus over whether achilles or patroclus was the top in their relationship, while xenophon was off complaining that he didn’t ship that

opossumprince

“Is Achilles A Twink” - the greatest thread in the history of forums, locked by a moderator after 12,239 pages of heated debate,

so-much-for-subtlety

pingintech

literally a cartoon bad guy

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