Everybody remember where we parked.

the worst thing about those fancy pears is that you think “there’s no way a pear could be worth that much” but if you actually make the mistake of tasting one you will be forced to confront the fact that what you thought was pleasure is but a shadow of a shadow and there is a world out there more real than real that your senses have been waiting for, where the colors are richer and the water is wetter and sleep is refreshing. and you’re not invited.

fascinated by jeff the killer tbh. everyone in that creepypasta has generic white usamerican names (jeff, keith, barbara, billy, etc.) except for jeff the killer's doe eyed little brother liu. why is he liu. is liu chinese? it's okay if he's chinese. is jeff also chinese? has jeff the killer been chinese this whole time? am I a bad person?

easy life hack for becoming a nicer person: get older and more tired. u simply do not have the energy to deal with drama. u do not entertain the bloodthirsty. don't care too sleeby

conversely, as u get older and more tired, your tolerance for bullshit goes down the drain. u do not have the energy to deal with it. it does not belong. get out. I will not dance around and politely shoo the drama out with a feathery broom I will send a bulldozer at 80 mph

what I'm saying is as you age you walk more and more softly and carry a bigger and bigger stick. this is why the elderly are so powerful btw

no, mother... you should have read my supposed "school field trip" permission slip closer.... i foresaw your betrayal a mile away.... im afraid, mother, it is you who has been sold to one direction

General Lamarque has been dead for 194 slutty, slutty years

happy however many years this is now!

the results came back: the doctor says the beating of my heart echoes the beating of the drums