daddy's bastard, very strong

I love tourist season because a lot of people buy sauna hats not knowing what theyre for. German mf at the tram stop rn has that shit on

Me: [upset] You know, sometimes I just read too much Real News and then I think, “You know what? I need to find that Photoshop with Stripper Anakin in it.” Husband: [laughs long-sufferingly] Oh God. Me: …but you knew which post I meant right away, didn’t you? Even though you hated that you knew it. You know exactly which picture I mean. Husband: …I do.

she’s a 10 but she’s a little too into wanting to see your organs

Imagine a bladeless knife with no handle. Now put the handle back. Now put the blade back. Yaaaay! everything okay! Yaaaaaaay!

I have multiple dead horses that I beat regularly

i really fuck with it when my oomfs start their posts in media res. they'll open it with a phrase like "it's just funny because..." and then i look at their blog to see what's funny and. nothing.

It's like how Beowulf opens with a call to attention.

posting is exactly like beowulf

The moral of Death Note is that cops raise evil children

free my girl she did all that and should’ve fucking done even more