in what scientists are called “unprecedented” I just did laundry and then folded it and put it all the way on the same day.

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PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
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let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open

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we're not kids anymore.
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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@ashllynnlacey
in what scientists are called “unprecedented” I just did laundry and then folded it and put it all the way on the same day.

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Six flags commercial from 2004 you most likely forgot about.
Nobody who has seen this has ever forgotten about it.
I like the rock.
I think it's so funny how we bred JOBS into dogs. I have two shih tzus and they were bred to be lap dogs. All they care about is looking cute and cuddling with people. Meanwhile my grandma has a border collie and that dog needs to feel so useful all the time, he acts like he will pass away if he doesn't have a job to do constantly
On one hand this is extremely fucking funny, but on the other hand, it really boggles my mind how many people punish their dogs for just… doing the thing they were bred to do.
Your husky isn’t “hyperactive”, it’s bred to pull sleds for 8 hours straight and you have it in a 400 sq ft yard.
Your English sheepdog isn’t “pushy”, it’s bred to herd sheep, and you have neither to space nor the herd to allow it.
Your terrier isn’t “nippy”, it’s bred to kill rats and your hamster looks a hell of a lot like one.
Your Catahoula isn’t “mean to animals”, it’s bred to hunt any and all animals smaller than it, and you didn’t acclimate it to your cat.
Your Lhasa Apso isn’t “yappy”, it’s bred to bark at any tiny noise and alert watchmen to intruders
Like Jesus Christ, if you can’t provide an environment where your dog can’t fulfill its literal life purpose, maybe?? Don’t get that dog??? And if you do, maybe know the breed characteristics so you can redirect those traits into more constructive outlets????
Both your most common doodle's parts (labra and golden) want to hunt and retrieve water birds so the best suggestion I can give y'all is congratulations on your new duck hunting hobby.
#people will overlook the perfect breeds to suit their needs based on just their looks#and get a work dog because it looks cool
tags from @gnarlystarships because YEAH
@gallusrostromegalus
Any time someone sees Herschel and says "AWWW I want a Corgi <3" (because he is Very Cute (TM)), I immediately reply: "Do not get a Corgi unless you have a job for it to do. They were bred to bully livestock across the hills of Wales. This is basically a Border Collie that knows he is cute enough to get away with murder. If you get one and it doesn't have a job, it will apply its livestock-bullying instincts to YOU. Herschel's job specifically is to help manage my crippling ADHD, because I don't have a bull for him to micromanage." This gets me odd looks at the home depot but it does get the point across.

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all i need is a sweet treat. and six thousand dollars
The other night husband and I were watching a documentary about the yeti where they were doing DNA analysis of samples of supposed yeti fur, and every one of them came back as bears.
Anyway, the next night we watched a thing about some pig man who is supposed to live in Vermont. People said it had claws and a pig nose but walked upright like a man. Now, I happen to know that sideshows used to shave bears and present them as pig men. So every piece of evidence they gave of this monster sounds to me like a bear with mange.
So now the running joke in our house is that everything is bears. Aliens? Bears. Loch Ness monster? Bear. Every cryptozoological mystery is just a very crafty bear.
Bears. They’re everywhere. Be wary. Anyone or anything could be a bear.
oh shit
As the OP of this post, I’m going to threaten that if this gets to one million notes by the 10 year anniversary on 1 June 2026, one year from today, I will get a lower back tattoo of the loch ness bear monster.
I know it feels like a lot but I really believe we can do it 20k notes per day isn’t that hard to do?
I’m sad because at this rate we might not make it
having a pet kinda awesome wdym i got a little scoundrel running around named after the guy in dracula who eats bugs
my scoundrel eats bugs too. nominative determinism
the people have asked to see the scoundrel and who am i to deny you
mr renfield, ladies and gentlemen
your thang looked easy to draw. he wasn't
tumblr users on march 15th
Do any of u have decent recipes that are like 5 ingredients (not including spices) and take 45 mins or less to prepare i gotta stop eating sandwiches for dinner
yeah hang on
ignore the title of this google doc because it's a long story but it's a really solid recipe for southwest chicken alfredo
this is a vegetarian potato curry recipe that's about 75% spices; once you get the potatoes in there you can really do whatever you want with it
this is literally just pasta, broccoli, and cheese babey and you can live off that shit for DAYS it makes such a big portion
bro this spinach/pesto/3 cheese flatbread is so fucking tasty bro
also you can make the flatbread yourself it's super quick!!
oh hey I'm eating this white chickpea chili right now, much like the curry it's mostly spices and you can do p much do whatever you want with it
don't let the name fool you these potatoes are delicious any time. not just breakfast.
this is slightly more than five ingredient when you add them together but if you have time and really wanna fuckin treat yourself I recommend these chicken strips + this cornbread + either these potatoes or these buttered veggies on the side.
These are my two favorite comfort foods. They're very easy to make and dont take long to cook.
Garlic butter rice
Orzo mac and cheese (comes out a little bit soupy)
this recipe for gogumabap (sweet potato and rice) saved my life when i couldn't eat hardly anything for a long time. the recipe itself calls for a heavy bottomed pot but you can absolutely use a rice cooker and put the rice and diced sweet potato in together and just let the machine do its thing
If you have a crockpot, I do a really good pulled pork carnitas that is:
Pork - any cut boneless
Onions- chopped anyway you like
Orange juice - about one cup (you can use about 2 tablespoons of the condensed frozen stuff if you have it)
Root beer, pepsi, or other cola soda - about one cup
Preferred chili mix seasoning - 1-2 packets depending on how intense you like your flavoring and how much pork you put in
Garlic - as much as you wanna, specifically smashed not cut
Canned or frozen corn - to your preference
Dump all that into your crockpot in the morning (or the night before) and let it run on low until dinner. Cook some rice if you feel like it, or just serve over tortillas.
bro WTF, I wanna try this just for the sheer shit of it

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one of my friends started going on dates with her mailman but he cut things off and now it's like a situation where she's seeing her "ex" (lack of better term) like every day because he's her mailman
don't date your coworkers = normal advice
don't date your mailman = we need to work on this one
I took my little brother (autistic, mostly non verbal) out and he was using his voice keyboard to tell me something, and this little boy (maybe 4 or 5?) heard him and asked me "Is he a robot??" I tried to explain to him that no, he isn't a robot, he just communicates differently, but my darling brother was in the background max volume "I am robot I am robot I am robot I am robot"
My little brother insisted if I was going to post about him, he wanted a cut of the "profits". When I explained to him that Tumblr isn't monetized, and is pretty pointless, he and my older brother pointed out that he'd still be bringing me "fame and notoriety" if the post got "big". So we agreed, if the post hit 10k notes, which seemed extremely farfetched and silly at the time, I'd take my little brother out for sushi (his favorite food) and let him eat as much as he wants.
I guess God wanted the little robot to enjoy some sushi 🍣 🥲
I plan on watching a movie at some point in the future
(via poonchmooncher)

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issue: the kittens are still trying to learn words. gus knows his name and daisy knows hers, but they don’t seem to quite grasp that when I say “babies!” im referring to both of them.
hypothesis: “babies” is too similar to “daisy” and they’re getting confused
test: start saying “gamers” instead
Outcome: they’re understanding it and it’s hysterically funny
me, calling down the hall from stirring a can of cat food: LET’S GO, GAMERS
the kittens:
Yes please show us the gamers
here’s the gamers! Daisy is on the left and August is on the right! i spent 45 minutes trying to get this shot
I love drawing cats
OH MY GODDDDD