i eat so many shrimp i got iodine poisoning

Obama really did say the phrase "we tortured some folks" and now he gets to publish his Spotify Wrapped

Polycules should be able to trade people like sports teams do

Listen -- you're a good defender and your pussy is fantastic, but that's not what our team needs right now. We're trading you to Greater Boston in exchange for someone who has a car.

i’m so thirsty… won’t you use /water to water me?

/water

anyone remember #cutforbieber and #cutforzayn. a cult of teenage girls cutting themselves to better the fate of their idol. there was something very intrinsic about it…like a bloodletting ritual. couldn’t happen today.

clowngirl getting an orchiectomy and the surgeon just keeps removing ball after ball after ball after ball after

clown nurse standing by solemnly adding each successive ball to the ones she's already juggling

I love the word "beeline." youre in such a hurry youre doing bug movement

people will really come on here and be like "wow being smart as a kid was so alienating for me, i was just so smart i couldn't relate to anyone" and then repeatedly fall for obvious bait posts

"dog residue" post means so much to my ocd