i eat so many shrimp i got iodine poisoning

Obama really did say the phrase "we tortured some folks" and now he gets to publish his Spotify Wrapped

do not make fun of bug style

much like a beautiful horse i like salt and roaming freely

There was a girl on neopets a few years back who had a pet tick. She'd post pics of it in polly pocket playsets. I gotta find it again it sounds too fake

bro, go to Jimmy John's and ask for the Fetty Wop meal. The looks on their faces won't change and they'll give you a buffalo chicken wrap and buffalo chicken flavored chips with a drink of your choice.

just learned from my friend who works at Jimmy John's that the parentheses in the meal name caused a nationwide software glitch for 24 hours that made it so the order was free. Her store had to cancel hundreds of orders that day.

Fetty Wap infinite meal glitch at Jimmy John's

notice how everyones 30 now