I Gotta Get Better, I’m All That I’ve Got

I briefly forgot there were normal humans named Elijah and wondered why this person thought they were getting messages from Actual Prophet and Messiah-Herald Elijah the Tishbite.

….yeah me too.

Me three.

Imagine getting visions of someone else’s holy prophet and having to text your friends like “….what am I supposed to do with that?”

I have not laughed that hard in so long I literally cannot remember when.

haven't kept up w/ pokemon but i'm assuming there's a whale type that uses its blowhole to shoot a beam attack of some type, yes? surely?

losing my goddamn mind over "Water Sport the pokemon attack"

“Not affected by snatch”

I’m going to the grocery store does anyone want to sublet my apartment for 45 minutes

How much

Only 3400

hot damn 🏃‍♂️ cmon guys lets go 🏃‍♂️🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕🧞‍♀️

ok I’m back you and your boyfriend and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your djinn can go

hey bestie i think ur post might be charmed 'cause you aren't gonna fuckin believe what happened today

“we live in an uncaring universe” yeah dude and I live in an uncaring house. and I shit in an uncaring toilet. but do you touch an uncaring lover? do you comfort an uncaring child? do you guide to sleep each night a cold and uncaring self?

please hurry up in reblogging this I wanna jorts it before someone puts it in one of those heartwarming tiktok slideshows

i was like 'what could jorts it possibly mean' but as with many things clicking the original post immediately clarified the situation

Reblog if you write fic and people can inbox you random-ass questions about your stories, itemized number lists be damned.

something about the most erotic part of what they do being the ways shane’s body can accommodate ilya’s. finding new limits to push. reaching back when ilya fits a thumb in alongside his cock and being shocked by the stretch. four fingers in his mouth and the threat of a whole fist and ilya looking at him like he can’t believe he’s real. he already knew he could take a hit but this is the first time he’s wanted to lean into one. his body always being a machine and a product but with ilya he actually gets to live inside it, to find out how much it can want, how much it can feel, how much pleasure it can give and take.

i dont need a "career" i already have a 9 to 5 its called listening to my music while making flop posts for my three active mutuals