hi i am a wife in a current “more like a lesbian couple” “straight” marriage w a spouse who has talked about “wanting to be a girl” especially as a kid since we met (when WE were kids/teenagers!!) and i feel like what is holding them back is wanting to maintain a relationship w their mother which frankly makes me want to kill her but anyway ur wise and knowledgeable and kind, how can i better support my partner beyond killing her mom.
hi angel, if you ever need like a foot massage or a couch moved or whatever you need just let me know I gotchu.
keep doing what you're doing. it'll seem like she's brushing it off, but that's a defense of long habit. I promise it's doing more than you know
the mom thing is probably where her anxieties are coalescing, but (on some level) she's anxious about every other relationship changing too. I'm sure she's the most worried about her relationship with her mom, totally valid worry, but just keep in mind that it's a lot bigger than that.
you can and should push, but you have to be careful that you don't turn get-pushed-then-push-back into a routine. I'm sure you know this, but I figured it'd be helpful to hear that you should push.
experimenting at home with a trusted, supportive loved one is basically ideal. keep in mind that saying "I'm a woman" is a much later step, little things like calling her "girlypop" (or whatever feminine term of endearment comes naturally to you) and getting a smile out of her.
this is extremely tricky to pull off, you're going to want to really do some research here, but you might consider buying her something pretty and girly to try on at home. my wife did this for me early in my transition, sparing me from feeling like A Man In A Dress trying to go into the changing rooms to try on girl clothes... godsend.
the tricky part is that buying clothes for her is just going to work differently than it does for you. you'll have to learn a little bit about that and use it + what you know about her style/preferences, but this is a very high-reward move.
the ultimate end-goal is that she's living as herself, of course, but keep in mind that ANY degree of improvement is going to matter here. even if she does the pretend-to-be-a-man thing forever, coming home to you and slipping into something more comfortable can make all the difference in the world.
please do feel free to DM me, I'd be happy to talk more or give you my discord to pass along to her. we're all rooting for her :)