pining for the fjords

measure once cut also once, no prablem

Every time I see a duck I think to myself that I want to pick up that duck. There is a sort of quality of the duck that makes it feel like the act of picking up the duck would somehow be analogous to those strange videos where people use knives to cleanly cut through multilayered cakes. There would be a sort of accumulative act even without taking permanent possession of the duck. It would rather be more like pulling the lever on some ancient machine which makes a counter increase by one. The duck is the lever. I hope my meaning is clear to you all?

if i was in that situation i would simply ignore the 1/4''-5/16'' discrepancy. and i would just not go in any weird rooms that suddenly appeared. skill issue

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did anyone else just hear the silence become disconcertingly more quiet somehow . i think i need to investigate

(Making small talk) yeah I’ve been having some new and intriguing stomach issues lately

“start your free trial now” what if i told u i am already experiencing trials. and the cost is more than i can bear

his feelers stretch to the far ends of the earth

thanks for making time for an interview for this managerial role overseeing the microsoft 365 team. what really stood out to us about you - and what rocketed you to the top of our list - was that part in your cover letter where you described yourself as a “sick fuck” who “would stop at nothing to see the microsoft 365 suite of products reduced to a functionless, pale imitation of their 2007-era predecessors” and that the user should “toil fruitlessly as they navigate a completely bewildering interface while being forced to ruminate on how they own nothing and instead rent increasingly expensive useless vapor.” when would you be available to start?

*voice of someone craving even the tiniest sliver of control* i could make a spreadsheet,

In order to solve the ethical conundrums present in eating meat I have created the world's first ontologically evil pig

what makes it evil, and why a pig? well you see, it wants to destroy all life, but pigs can't look up at the stars so it's ambition for galactic warfare is tempered. This morality shit is easy.

Impressed by new roommate today by showing them the gromit mug, the gromit mug mug, and then the gromit mug mug mug