reading a historical romance novel and reflecting on the way these stories often present woke nobility for the contemporary reader. a big thing is servants. you can’t not have servants in those times but many modern readers think “but I would never have servants. it would be so weird to have servants” and in order to make the protagonists of the story more relatable they are actually friends with the servants. but flip your perspective and think of it from the side of the servants. wouldn’t it be so awful if your boss was always trying to be friends with you. a really common thing you’ll see is the woke baronet having tea in the kitchen with the servants bc he’s not like other baronets. but what if your boss wanted to hang out and talk during your lunch break every day. not so charming when you think about it that way
one of my favorite parts of anna karenina addressed this. as i remember it, a landowner (levin?) basically had a midlife crisis and started working the fields. the farmhands were pretty confused and annoyed at this relatively weak, ineffective guy playacting as a farmhand. he was in the way, had no idea what he was doing, didn't understand their micro culture (esp. things like what they liked to talk about and what they found funny) and most of all, he was...THEIR BOSS.
this is why I get annoyed by people being like "why is the noble heroine in this 19th-century novel lonely? why does she say she's all alone? her maid is there! ugh! so dehumanizing!!!!"
she is the maid's BOSS
they are not FRIENDS
the maid probably does not DESIRE her friendship
the servants are not your confidants in this scenario. IRL, the notion of the Loyal Family Retainer was most common in sentimental literature for the employing class (which btw was like upper-working-class on up, although the lower you go, the more work the family would be doing alongside them) and sometimes weaponized by them to try and get extra emotional or physical labor out of domestic workers
did emotional intimacy develop sometimes? absolutely- and it was often encouraged for upper-class 19th-century children in the US and UK, who could spend a lot of time with their nanny and in the servants' sphere in general. was classism a factor? 100%.
but it's not dehumanizing to be like "my employee is not my BFF"
