Jeez.

time is not real i walked past myself on a bus i was already sitting on

i would be nothing without 3,000 - 17,000 songs

my body is a machine that turns normal situations into psychological horror

"What made you follow your mutual" I don't know. I don't remember anything. In my mind we were mutuals at birth. Since the dawn of time. The start of the earth's spin

january is one of those months where you experience every feeling on the human spectrum and you just have to go about your day like that isn't happening

7pm to 10pm on a weeknight is 30 minutes

oh sick someone paved this whole road with good intentions. i wonder where it leads

Wait so you’re telling me my only options for letting people know I’m having a hard time in real life are 1) telling them (won’t happen, humiliating) or 2) public mental breakdown (also won’t happen, more humiliating)

god help anyone who has to teach math in the era of 67

early to bed and early to rise leaves a man so fucked up that he dies

The funniest hyperfixations have gotta be the ones where you watch something and go "this thing is cute. I like it. not sure if Id call it a favorite of mine but its definitely enjoyable at least" and then cut to a month later and its completely overtaken your life

you are the crew of the Perihelion, a research and teaching vessel. there are dozens of university students aboard for a whole semester-long study trip. you, the human crew, are trying to act so so natural right now to keep the students from clocking the fact that the ship's resident security consultant (definitely not a highly advanced MI) is in the middle of a scorching nuclear fight with the bot pilot (also definitely not a highly advanced MI). none of you know what the fight is about. it could be soap operas. it's probably soap operas.

platonically shooting my friendshot hoping I don't get acquaintance-zoned

i grew up in a family of left leaning hippies (thank god) but i can't stop thinking about the one holiday dinner party where my teenage cousin said something about immigrant hotels and needing to stop the boats and there was like. a pause at the table until our grandpa, a very mild mannered man, just went "now where the fuck did you hear that?" Incredible aura. ive never heard that man swear before or since but man did he pick a perfect time for it.

PG-13 Grandad perfectly deploys his one permissible f-bomb.

i love finding out what degrees my mutuals have. like what the fuck do you mean you do law? you’re a doctor who blog