I Am Who I Am

Tumblr post from jesncin reading: my high school english teacher would often critique our literature analysis work by pointing out: "you're treating these characters like they're real people. They're not. They're characters." And it took me a long time to understand what he meant by that. Because I always thought "isn't that the point? That writers want to write characters to be so three dimensional that they act and feel like real people?" but that's not it.

Characters are tools a writer uses in service of a story. Of course characters can be written with depth to the point the feel real to us, but they exist in service of their narrative. Something real people aren't beholden to at all. When discussing characters, I think it's easy to accidentally see these characters as "real people" and not extensions of the author's beliefs. Tools for a narrative. Means of storytelling.

Quote tweet from Inkfy (@/ inkfyCreates) reading: People have developed unhealthy attachments to fictional characters. "A character can't be a narrative tool, they make you Feel things so therefore they are Real to me" is a major problem for literature nowadays. People can't engage with what's actually being showcased.

Image #2: Tweet and reply from rea (bubbles emoji) (@/ lyfjiaberg) reading: Half the reason why we cannot get genuine readings of characters anymore is because people project too heavily on them and treat them as extensions of themselves so when the character is criticized it feels like a personal attack on their own personhood

Vague spoilers up until Silver Eve (around chapter 62)

I've been thinking about how Agott was kicked out of her family for supposedly being too mediocre when it comes to magic, at least in comparison to her mother, and how a common interpretation is that she is indeed not talented, but a hard worker. While I do agree that this is a valid take, especially considering how Shirahama loves to flip common tropes around, I don't think this is entirely true. Agott appears to have talent when it comes to purely decorative magic, as we can see during the Silver Eve arc, and it's even implied when Coco is defending her while they are at the Great Hall (making plushies dance is apparently quite complicated). It just so happens that this is the kind of magic that is considered useless, because it is rather impractical. I can't help but wonder if this is meant to parallel how artists in real life are often told that what they do isn't a "real job". And what is a child supposed to do when she is told her talents are worthless? Of course, she would start hiding her favorite magic and try and learn all of the "useful" spells. Yet she will never quite reach the expected brilliance, instead she will only follow the path of other people's expectations. Not because she wants to, but because this is how it is supposed to be. I believe this is one of the reasons why she struggles to be as creative and daring as Coco in stressful situations. After all, Agott's own ideas were never considered good enough for the Arklaum family, so why even bother experimenting? No wonder she sometimes gets envious of Coco's seemingly easygoing nature and unconventional, but successful ideas when it comes to magic.

I think this is 100% correct. Young Agott probably composed a spell based on the things she most loved at the time. From what we know of her, probably using the decorative/animal seals. Which was seen as useless or generally undervalued by the adults around her. So she sticks to strict, rigid learning and suppresses this side of herself as frivolous for years.

Until she starts hanging out with the other apprentices and sees them liking fun, cute, soft and frivolous things. And she mimics the same dismissal she was taught as a child, but the others don't absorb it and instead give her a new experience. Tetia's silly cloud bed helps them stop a dragon, etc.

Like, no wonder Agott starts crying when her knowledge of the blood leech sigil saves the day! This thing that she loved but hid and buried has saved lives and is suddenly getting her praise and recognition from Every Adult Witch Ever. And this is an important lesson in art as well as other fields. Things that seem decorative, frivolous or impractical can sometimes lead to world-changing innovations (e.g. "rat tickling" scientific studies were pivotal into understanding the effect of touch on saving the lives of premature babies).

But if the lesson stopped there, I think it would be incomplete. That's some Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer "Even you can be useful to society, freak!" kind of stuff. And I don't think Kamome "Disability Rights" Shirahama is going to go for a "everyone can be productive" moral.

pretty sure this is exactly how lessons at qifrey's atelier go

me as soon as im home:

having plans or being excited for sex with your partner(s) is amazing and fun, but don't let it get you down if the plans change for whatever reason.

we've been conditioned by all kinds of media to interpret "I have a headache" etc. as an excuse, a sign for a failing relationship, for a lack of communication, but that's usually not the case.

you can have bad health days, can be tired or sad or whatever! or? just not be in the mood for the scene you were talking about for days.

all of that is okay. it's fine. there will be other opportunities, there will be days you feel better, and it might be disappointing for all involved parties because you were so excited for it, but not letting yourself get pressured (or pressuring yourself) into uncomfortable situations is more important than a fleeting sense of disappointment.

after i dropped out of high school i found a torrent of like 5GB of OCRd romance novels and i read like 3 romance novels a day for a while

read enough romance novels and you will realize that they live or die entirely on technical skill. if you are new to romance novels then even bad ones can dazzle you with novelty but by the time you are on your 30th historical fake engagement between a bluestocking and a rakish duke you can grade them and you know when they've failed. when two books have what should be the same main characters hitting the same plot beats, but one of those books is delightful and the other fucking sucks, you learn some things. some books are bad and still delightful. other books are good but they just don't hit. you start to see the seams in the bad ones. 'oh, this is a weird out of character moment because she wanted to have the kabedon moment and didn't know how to get there'. 'she didn't want the ust to end but couldn't think of a better reason than this deus ex cockblock.' that kind of thing.

you could probably do this with other genres but i like romance because the plot is two people fall in love. that's it. everything else is set dressing. if you can figure out how to make that work you can carry it over into whatever other genre you feel like. mysteries would give you a different skillset around plotting that i don't have.

and the other thing is that you can't really sub in fanfic for this. plenty of fanfic takes characters from other genres and plops them into romance, but it's not the same. a good romance novel says, "here are two characters. you may know their archetypes, but you don't know them. you are going to get to know them, and you are going to love them, and you are going to want them to love each other, and when they love each other you are going to be happy for them". i love a rakish duke. when a man who's never had to do his own laundry is slutty as fuck that's my shit. but you still have to make me like him. you can take that archetype and make a guy who fucking sucks. most fanfic will not impart to you any knowledge about how to make a reader like a guy from scratch. you already know that guy. that's the whole point. fanfic with as much character building as an original work is the exception, not the rule.

the whole reason i get catty about fics that just make a different guy is that... you've made a different guy. i don't know who this guy is and i don't like him, and you haven't bothered trying to make me like him, because you slapped another guy's nametag on him like a cheat code. it's cool if you did make me like this new guy, but why is he wearing that other guy's nametag if no other aspect of him is present?