I Am Who I Am

"If they made you feel betrayed or abandoned it was abuse!" But I have to add the extra step of "pretend you're normal -> would it have made you feel this way?".

It can be abuse without the victim being much affected and that doesn't make the abuser any less guilty of abusing, contrary to what some people have told me.

Everyone crowds around Coco. Agott looks stunned and Tetia excited as Riche points out, “Looks like it’s not the only thing they switched.” Next we see Olruggio and Qifrey entering, Qifrey with a basket of something colorful in hand. He spreads his hands out and exclaims, “Girls! We’re ba–” but is cut off by a loud shout of “Professor Qifrey!” He quietly goes, “Ah?”

Tetia, Riche, and Agott all press forward while Coco stays back nervously with the book held up. Teri makes a triangle with her fingers and smiles as she asks, “How long have you been married?!” Agott looks angry as she asks, “Why didn’t you tell us?” and Riche half-hides behind Tetia to say, “Keeping big secrets is just lying…” Coco frowns, “Um..?”

Qifrey blushes and sweats as he repeats, “M-married?” Olruggio has a high flush and nervous expression as the girls exclaim, “You’re wearing part of each others’ hats!” “So you’re engaged at least, right?”

Qifrey blushes harder and hunches as he says, “Is that so?” He quietly wails “Oh nooo” as he remembers a young Olruggio blushing and looking wondering as he plays with his tassel and says, “Qifrey you– Y-yes!” Behind him, Olruggio’s face is in his hands as he shakes.

The last image is a screenshot of tags that read: “#god i love this #and the headcanon oru just doesn’t have the heart/courage to explain the true meaning of things to qifrey #like that updog post #but additional.” End ID]

Tumblr post from jesncin reading: my high school english teacher would often critique our literature analysis work by pointing out: "you're treating these characters like they're real people. They're not. They're characters." And it took me a long time to understand what he meant by that. Because I always thought "isn't that the point? That writers want to write characters to be so three dimensional that they act and feel like real people?" but that's not it.

Characters are tools a writer uses in service of a story. Of course characters can be written with depth to the point the feel real to us, but they exist in service of their narrative. Something real people aren't beholden to at all. When discussing characters, I think it's easy to accidentally see these characters as "real people" and not extensions of the author's beliefs. Tools for a narrative. Means of storytelling.

Quote tweet from Inkfy (@/ inkfyCreates) reading: People have developed unhealthy attachments to fictional characters. "A character can't be a narrative tool, they make you Feel things so therefore they are Real to me" is a major problem for literature nowadays. People can't engage with what's actually being showcased.

Image #2: Tweet and reply from rea (bubbles emoji) (@/ lyfjiaberg) reading: Half the reason why we cannot get genuine readings of characters anymore is because people project too heavily on them and treat them as extensions of themselves so when the character is criticized it feels like a personal attack on their own personhood

Vague spoilers up until Silver Eve (around chapter 62)

I've been thinking about how Agott was kicked out of her family for supposedly being too mediocre when it comes to magic, at least in comparison to her mother, and how a common interpretation is that she is indeed not talented, but a hard worker. While I do agree that this is a valid take, especially considering how Shirahama loves to flip common tropes around, I don't think this is entirely true. Agott appears to have talent when it comes to purely decorative magic, as we can see during the Silver Eve arc, and it's even implied when Coco is defending her while they are at the Great Hall (making plushies dance is apparently quite complicated). It just so happens that this is the kind of magic that is considered useless, because it is rather impractical. I can't help but wonder if this is meant to parallel how artists in real life are often told that what they do isn't a "real job". And what is a child supposed to do when she is told her talents are worthless? Of course, she would start hiding her favorite magic and try and learn all of the "useful" spells. Yet she will never quite reach the expected brilliance, instead she will only follow the path of other people's expectations. Not because she wants to, but because this is how it is supposed to be. I believe this is one of the reasons why she struggles to be as creative and daring as Coco in stressful situations. After all, Agott's own ideas were never considered good enough for the Arklaum family, so why even bother experimenting? No wonder she sometimes gets envious of Coco's seemingly easygoing nature and unconventional, but successful ideas when it comes to magic.

I think this is 100% correct. Young Agott probably composed a spell based on the things she most loved at the time. From what we know of her, probably using the decorative/animal seals. Which was seen as useless or generally undervalued by the adults around her. So she sticks to strict, rigid learning and suppresses this side of herself as frivolous for years.

Until she starts hanging out with the other apprentices and sees them liking fun, cute, soft and frivolous things. And she mimics the same dismissal she was taught as a child, but the others don't absorb it and instead give her a new experience. Tetia's silly cloud bed helps them stop a dragon, etc.

Like, no wonder Agott starts crying when her knowledge of the blood leech sigil saves the day! This thing that she loved but hid and buried has saved lives and is suddenly getting her praise and recognition from Every Adult Witch Ever. And this is an important lesson in art as well as other fields. Things that seem decorative, frivolous or impractical can sometimes lead to world-changing innovations (e.g. "rat tickling" scientific studies were pivotal into understanding the effect of touch on saving the lives of premature babies).

But if the lesson stopped there, I think it would be incomplete. That's some Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer "Even you can be useful to society, freak!" kind of stuff. And I don't think Kamome "Disability Rights" Shirahama is going to go for a "everyone can be productive" moral.

pretty sure this is exactly how lessons at qifrey's atelier go

me as soon as im home: