I Am Who I Am

ID: a yellow and black plastic cable cover which is approximately 5-10cm tall with steep sides and looks like a small speed bump /end ID

Every time I go over one I need someone to help hold my chair and get me over it. Even with that support it hurts like Hell and has caused whiplash injuries for me in the past. It’s also very unsafe for others because even with support I cannot 100% control the angle my chair will end up lurching over it (and my chair weighs over 150kg without me in it so it’s not something you want to collide with). It’s also terrifying and makes noises that make me very concerned for my chair’s structural integrity.

If you want your event to actually be accessible to wheelchair users then consider using something more like this:

To recover, you literally need to manually learn skills that most people learn as a toddler

You need to learn what makes your body uncomfortable, and what to do to fix it

If you are high-masking, that usually means that you have learned to ignore every distress signal your body sends unless it is a distress signal that a neurotypical person would recognize. People have likely been unintentionally gaslighting you about your lived experience your entire life

If you feel bad or panicked for no reason, stop and try to pay attention to your body. Are you tense? You are likely feeling physical pain somewhere. If you've been gaslit about your pain your entire life, you might not be able to identify it.

Go through a sensory checklist.

SIGHT: Try closing and covering your eyes. If this gives you relief, the lights are probably too bright. You may also need differently-colored lights

SOUND: Cover your ears. Does this give you relief? If so, you may need earplugs or noise canceling headphones. You may also benefit from a neutral or pleasant background noise, like soft music or brown noise.

TOUCH: Are your clothes uncomfortable? Your chair? Your body? Do you feel greasy, like you need a shower? Do you need softer, sensory-friendly clothing?

TASTE: Do you need to brush your teeth or tongue? Would chewing on something help?

SMELL: Is there a strong or unpleasant smell in the room? Do you need to clean or empty a trash can? Would an air purifier help? Would a pleasant smell like a candle help?

INTEROCEPTION: Are you hungry? Thirsty? Tired? How is your posture? Are any of your muscles tight or sore? Scan your body slowly from head to feet, tensing and loosening each group of muscles. Going for a walk or doing a series of quick stretches may help a lot.

Learning how to do this stuff is not intuitive, if you've had an entire lifetime of gaslighting telling you that everything hurting you isn't a big deal and you're being dramatic over nothing.

This takes time, it takes work, it's not intuitive, and it's hard. Most people forget how hard it is, because they learned this as toddlers.

Wanting something requires dopamine signaling, but liking something doesn’t.

If you have a mental illness/disorder that affects dopamine, you might feel that you don’t want to do the things that you like. You do still like them. You will appreciate having done them.

Let your likes guide you.

(If you want to read more, here’s one experimental paper about it. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5171207/ This theory called the incentive-sensitization theory was originally created to explain behaviors in addiction but can be applied elsewhere as well)

You may not want to exercise, but you like how it makes you feel.

You may not want to write, but you like the feeling of accomplishment.

You may not want to wake up early, but you like the calm beauty of morning.

Check under the cut for my own thoughts on this.

KACHOW

"It's pride month, Rin," Mephisto says. "You know what that means!"

"Huh? What?" Rin gestures outward in confusion as Mephisto turns away smiling. "Do you want to do, like, gay exorcisms? What?"