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Shout-out to aromantic people whose lives are so fucking busy that they periodically forget what day of the week it is. today is Wednesday, June 5th. Happy Aromantic Visibility Day.

Today is Thursday, June 5th. Happy Aromantic Visibility Day.

It's June 5th again!

I have a Message for Horror Film Makers: If your film's opening sequence is completely silent, I will not feel a building sense of anticipation because I have already stopped the movie to check what's wrong with my speakers

it's so neat how we invented air conditioning so that if it's too hot you can recreate the conditions of the lost franklin expedition in your bedroom

i saw someone licking their wound and felt really bad for them - that must taste awful! so i decided to do them a favor and add some salt in there

FUCK OW SHIT

THE FUCK

[record scratch] [freeze frame]: yeah that's me. that's me in the corner. that's me in the spotlight, losing my religion.

When the post goes triple platinum in the mutual circle and you have to scroll past the same thing seven times in a row

but i don't LIKE being in a creative fallow period. i want to be an eternal harvest!!! i want to sow a little bit and then reap and reap and reap. waiting for the seeds to grow sucks.

Yeah okay there are like 11 species of heron native to the USA and yes fine I’ve only managed to spot 10 of those species. You might think I’m bitter about that one species evading me but I’m not. I’m actually the Least Bittern person about it in the entire world

[Image ID: Tweet from rachel coster (@/ Rach4_theStarz) reading: We don't get a song of the summer this year because we were bad /End ID]

My girl said she wants me klarnally (we fuck in 25% completion installments over the course of 3 months until climax)

kind of crazy no one has drawn the time traveler and the medieval peasant staring at the night sky with their bag of doritos

in 2014 there would have been shipping fanart

"theyll hate you for this" "but theyll be alive" is THE juiciest thing to me

i will ensure you stay alive above all else. even if what i do to make it happen is horrendous. even if it violates all your wishes or moral principles. even if you can never look at me the same way again, even if you hate me for it. because at least if you hate me it means youre alive

I think the "pre" and "post" parts in "preposterous" should cancel each other out but everyone else seems to find my idea completely erous

(nods sagely) (nods basily) (nods rosemarily) (nods saltly) (nods star anisely)

I hate calling in sick I don't want to inform anyone about my abnormal bowel movements

I love it. I call them up and say hey bossman I'm camped out on the shitter today yeehaw

you are so beautiful in every way

We will get married on a windswept cliff and the dinner will be easily digestible

i hate when apps know that i’m screenshotting something. when i screenshot something, that’s me acting outside your realm of understanding, app. i am beyond what you consider the observable universe. you’re not supposed to perceive me. we don’t know when god screenshots the earth. we don’t know when he’s like, “okay i’m just gonna take a pic in case i ever want to add dinosaurs back to something later and don’t remember how.” and if we did, we wouldn’t act all smug about it like, “hey, you wanna share that post? you could just click here to share it.” no, man. you didn’t catch me. i screenshotted this for my own reasons. what’s next? i can’t take a photo of my computer screen with my phone out of laziness without being shamed by the printer i don’t own?