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Soft tagging @blockcat-safari, @jackdraw-spwrite, @cityofangeisislying, @audioeidolon, @venusplantt, @bardicc-inspo and @voidindite in case they would like to play along :)
(Feel free to jump in if this looks fun and I forgot to tag you!)
If you want to actually fix your sleep schedule you need to consistently go to bed half an hour earlier than the night before AND either keep your wake up time the same OR consistently wake up half an hour earlier as well, until you are sleeping at the times you actually want to be asleep at. This is of course, very difficult to do but does actually work.
REALLY interesting how much conflict Mizi and Sua seemed to have even before the idol industry drove them even further apart, and while I'm immensely curious to learn of Sua's past it's nice to see even more evidence of how Mizi's own affects both herself and Mizisua's relationship.
In both ALNST and ZOMST, Mizi is in an abusive situation that causes her harm both physically and mentally. In ALNST, it's largely due to negligence and lack of understanding or proper care for her at the hands of Shine. In ZOMST, it seems to be at the hands of a mother who takes out her frustrations on her, however apologetic she may or may not be after the act. In both ALNST and ZOMST, she has the same issue as a result: she doesn't want to be seen as small. Treated as lesser. Seen as cute, or as some decoration, or pitied. When her options are crush or be crushed, she wants control, which leads to a lot of dysfunction in her relationships with other people, but especially with Sua.
Not some pet you keep around the house, huh?
Sua means well, at least to a degree, suggesting Mizi can stay with her at zero cost. She may have ulterior motives driven by immense love and a desire for total codependence (which, again, makes me wonder of Sua's own past and how she could have gotten here albeit we have her ALNST counterpart to go off of), but she would obviously never wish to see her lover harmed. It's just that by housing her and by asking for nothing in return (and really, having Mizi beside her is enough), she can kill two birds with one stone. Not only will Mizi be safe, but Mizi will rely on her. Finally, Sua will be needed as much as she seems to need her. But what Mizi once again longs for in this world is a certain level of control to feel safe, whereas Sua wishes to be one with Mizi in a way that strips her of the very autonomy she craves. Ultimately, Mizi's needs win out over her own. Sua will prioritize her until the very end, if only in hopes that one day, the same devotion will be returned. If Mizi needs solace, she can find it in Sua. If Mizi needs to lash out, get angry, Sua can be on the other end of that, too. She won't mind.
Sua frames her "desire" for it as an attempt to finally understand her, but there's almost a sort of twisted thrill in it for her too, I think, to be who Mizi's attention is turned towards, whether for better or for worse. I think this is another means of Sua wishing to 'belong' to her, another way of insisting that Mizi is fully hers, too. An attempt to frame it all as romantic. It is also, of course, a way of Sua wishing to forget her own emotional pain that I'm sure she's feeling, replacing it with physical pain. While Sua says such things, she leans in for a kiss, distracting Mizi from both the harm she's brought to the rat and from the argument they're having, further supporting the fact that she has an incredibly unhealthy idea of what love is. It seems they once again have no plans to discuss the elephant in the room when it comes to how much they hurt each other both with words and actions, instead focusing as much as they can on this fantastical idea of their romance that isn't actually as soft or as pure as they try to pretend.
Mizi doesn't actually return any of it here. No slap, and no leaning in for the kiss herself, merely staring. She doesn't want to hurt her, as much as it's inevitable. She doesn't actually want to pretend everything is fine, either, to lose herself entirely in this idealized version of their relationship until the very end. She'll take the latter over the former, but it hurts her. It hurts them both.
No matter the universe, Mizi will always want to have just a bit of power, to have a choice. And it seems that just like in ALNST, in this world, that choice will be taken from her in the very end by the one she loves most. Just like how, in every universe, Sua would do anything but live without her.
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In both ALNST and ZOMST, Mizi and Sua share the same toxic tendencies.
Mizi has a desparate need for control thanks to her lack of autonomy. She's both physical and socially helpless, feeling she despises.
In both ALNST and ZOMST, she's has no control over how her caregivers treat her. As she suffers abuse in both universes.
And socially as she's seen as just a pretty girl and nothing else. A fact thats better showcased in ZOMST. Where we see clear distaste for the position she is in. Her eyes loose their shine.
(My theory on why she stays in said industry because of the financial freedom is grants her. We know she comes from an abusive family who are likely also poor. As we can for a split moment mizis house in round one of ZOMST, where mizis mom (?) Is hugging her. Its messy and falling apart implying poverty. And in the same comic she gets angry at sua for offering to let her stay at her house for free. Saying she wasn't a pet that sua could keep around the house. She didn't want to depend on sua financial. She didn't want to depend on anyone so she turned to a career that paid well. That being KPOP. She traded her image for financial freedom)
While sua is obsessed with mizi to an unhealthy degree. With little regard to herself most like stemming from her own abusive upbringing. She's emotionally deprived so when Mizi offers her any form of affection, sua in return gives a complete and utter surrender of her being. Giving mizi an outlet for her feelings. Be that emotionally or physically (aka hiting) sua doesn't care if mizi hits her a thousand times she will still forgive her if it means being by her side
This next part may be more of a stretch but stay with me. Sua seems to also love being needed by Mizi. She knows that Mizi depends on her emotionally. She knows mizi can't be like this with anyone else so she had a tedher that keeps them together and when she looses that as Mizi becomes an idol she's desparte to get it back. Leading her to turn herself into a zombie . letting them stay in this twisted Paradise forever
(Sorry if this hard to understand I am running on pure caffeine
Breaking down the new Mizisua comic because hoo boy this is the clearest backstory for Mizisua weâre probably ever going to get considering Vivimengs writing
Honestly, the situation presented is pretty basic and should have a predictable path to go down. Mizi needs to escape from home and asks Sua to help her until Mizi is ready to be independent, which Sua accepts.
But already we see a very clear weak spot considering the people weâre talking about. Itâs the fact that Mizi wants to be independent. In response to that, Sua repeatedly reassures that itâs okay for Mizi to keep relying on her and that she likes Mizi for her kind character.
Sua has never been the kind of person to state what she wants, and more or less states it through her actions and implications. It seems like a fawn response, where she thinks if she can get Mizi to believe Sua is a good person and that Mizi herself is a good person as well, then there is no need to part when they both love each other in a stable relationship. Because the reason Mizi wants to eventually leave is because wellâŠitâs just a little too codependent and a bit of a burden on Sua. Sua knows this, so we can see everything after this conversation as an attempt on both parties to make their love work so they donât have to part.
By Sua rejecting Miziâs offer to pay her back, as noble as it initially seems, it has a sinister undertone in their relationship that almost all the time, one party is being taken advantage of by the other. Mizi does want to be on equal grounds with Sua, despite her main reason to come to Sua is because she needs help and has no one else to get it from. Mizi still loves Sua and wishes she could help her as much as Sua helps her, but when Sua rejects this, she worsens the stability of their relationship by coming across as incredibly one-sided in efforts. Itâs like Sua wants to be the one in an everlasting debt towards Mizi rather than paying it off by letting Mizi pay her back, grow on her own and inevitably still choose to love her regardless.
Of course, Mizi does have doubts and hesitation about this because she can clock that Sua is being incredibly passive about this, to another degree that is unhealthy.
Initially, Mizi âpitiesâ Sua and almost shocked Sua actually agreed, like she doesnât process the fact Sua loves her. She really does believe Sua is the rat she killed and allowing herself to be fully taken advantage of. She feels guilty over it, because even though it was Mizi who asked, shes always been self-loathing and denies herself of getting what she wants from other people despite how much she wants their love and understanding of her twisted character. She doesnât think she deserves it.
To give Sua some credit, I think this panel is probably the most genuine and kindest thing Sua says. Both Sua and Mizi have the wrong view of Mizi, but no matter what the other thinks, itâs still absurd to believe Mizi is one specific idea of herself. I know she immediately clarified she means that Mizi is actually wholly innocent and understanding, but from a general perspective, itâs very comforting. To know from someone else that your perspective isnât the whole truth feels accepting, like theyâre admitting they know you better because even they donât have the full idea of you. Sua looks so wounded at the idea of Mizi being evil, and would definitely not appreciate the treatment ALNST Mizi recieves after living as a witch.
The problem comes from the fact that Sua immediately then states that her very flat and ironically 2D idea is correct.
But then, sheâs angry. Angry at Sua and maybe at herself too for letting Sua get so close, so close that Sua is really the only person she can depend on out of anyone else. She doesnât want to be seen as fragile and innocent, and while Sua is partially right because itâs out of self-loathing, itâs also just because Mizi really is twisted. Itâs demeaning and dismissive of her whole character to view her as fully innocent, because it plays into the facade Mizi must uphold. To fully love Mizi is to acknowledge her good and bad and to support her throughout it. If you only acknowledge her good, sheâs like a âpetâ, the pet was under Shineâs control, the pet under the K-pop Industry, and the pet she feels like when Sua is there. If you only acknowledge her bad, she becomes the witch everyone despises.
Even through her anger though, Mizi loves Sua so much that out of everyone who has hurt her and oppressed her, she gives Sua âverbal consentâ to see her as said pet. To demean her and degrade her into something Sua wants her to be. Everyone else has physically harmed her in order to view her as a pathetic weak girl, so if she really is doomed to be viewed that way, then she may as well feel like she has some control in âallowingâ Sua to hit her compared to everyone else who âhitsâ her without caring for what she thinks.
Oddly enough, Mizi is both correct and incorrect, as she mostly has the means and intentions of how Sua wants her to act wrong. Itâs not Sua wanting to hurt Mizi to establish control, itâs Sua wanting Mizi to hurt her to establish mutual love, unintentionally taking control of Mizi in the process. Itâs why Sua lets Mizi to hit her, acting as a sort of âlonglasting consentâ when Mizi slaps at her years later. After all, itâs not âYou can hit me now,â but rather âYou can hit anytime you feel like it.â
She believes through this process of degradation, she could understand what Mizi feels.
If Mizi hits her, she too feels the sting in her cheeks numbing the pain. If Mizi views her as a âpet,â then Sua can understand how Mizi has felt her whole life. If Mizi temporarily abandons her, she too understands how lonely it feels to be by herself. It may be partially why she lets Mizi become an idol without herâ sheâs very happy for, of course, but she knows that the dream was always Miziâs and even if Sua did enjoy some aspects of it, everything is for Mizi in the end. Even if Mizi becomes a little busy, itâll be okay, because that loneliness is passed on to her on a way. Itâs a mix of both wanting to be there for Mizi because of Miziâs mental health but also because she could be someone Mizi could entirely need and depend on, which she highlights the most when comforting her. If she can wholly understand Miziâs pain, then that too is an indicator that they donât need to ever truly part. Itâs less of a genuine attempt from a loved one to comfort another through a long tedious journey of healing and understanding, but more of a task or duty Sua believes she must uphold for Mizi to just suddenly âfeel better.â
The problem comes when Mizi goes away for too long and entirely leaves her alone, which is not what Sua wants. She knows Mizi doesnât want it either, but rather than properly communicating, she lets the zombie go after Mizi and find a way to regain the unintentional control she has over their relationship.
I believe the almost-kiss at the very end is meant to represent Mizisua being, on a surface level, truly close to a perfect ideal romance. They loved each other deeply and did support each other throughout most of their lives. However, because of their enabling behaviors, miscommunication, Miziâs violence and submissiveness, and Suaâs control and dehumanizing view of Mizi, they never fully reach it.
After all, the closest they get in the kiss is when theyâre both infected. And despite Suaâs wants, itâs still not a true happy ending. Itâs âthe closest they could ever get.â
I really donât want to open this can of worms because Tumblr hath no fury like people called out on their political performativeness but it is literally driving me up the wall to watch people react to Serkisâ âkeep Tolkien whiteâ commentary by insisting twice as hard that Tolkien would descend down to earth and dropkick the entire Republican party to hell or whatever, just because they want to ensure that a piece of media they enjoy isnât seen as being morally impure. Case in point: I have seen at least five instances of Tolkienâs âI hate apartheidâ valedictorian address being used as a âcounterâ to Serkis being racist, including by actual news outlets.
Except itâs only ever the âI hate apartheidâ line thatâs shared, and not the actual quote in its full context. Because here it is:
If we consider what Merton College and what the Oxford School of English owes to the Antipodes, to the Southern Hemisphere, especially to scholars born in Australia and New Zealand, it may well be felt that it is only just that one of them should now ascend an Oxford chair of English. Indeed it may be thought that justice has been delayed since 1925. There are of course other lands under the Southern Cross. I was born in one; though I do not claim to be the most learned of those who have come hither from the far end of the Dark Continent. But I have the hatred of apartheid in my bones; and most of all I detest the segregation or separation of Language and Literature. I do not care which of them you think White.
Which is to say. This isnât exactly the antiracist quote of the century, to say the least. This is a white South Africa born man and a white Australian shaking hands and going âomg we relateâ and expressing what is a very, very mild âsegregation is not greatâ opinion in order to convey his thoughts on an academic subject, ie the confluence of language and literature. Using race to make a point about his own subject of interest, in his own interest, which is, amusingly enough, what a lot of ostensibly well meaning progressive seem to be doing.
I also think that some of the general surprise around âwhat do you mean large swathes of the Tolkien fandom are incredibly conservative!?â in lib/left Tolkien fandom is the result of a tendency in said parts of the fandom to transpose oneâs own progressiveness onto Tolkien and turn a blind eye to things like, say, the Shire being a very specifically mid-century British racist construct that is very, very clear in its politics, often going so far as to insist itâs anarchist or an ideal society or whatever the fuck⊠and then getting really Pikachu-meme âbut theyâre misreading itâ every single time a conservative explains exactly what it is about the legendarium that they really love, and get surprised when someone uses the Shire being a racist construct to do more racism. It is 2026 let us do away with âI donât see colourâ interpretations of media, I beg. Nobody is cancelling you for enjoying a book that is not kind to race. Most of the books I love are not kind to race.
I genuinely donât have the energy to go deeper into it now because I and others have been beating this drum for ages but like man. Man. Iâm not surprised by Serkisâ comment. I donât really give a shit about what Andy Serkis says and does because if I was the kind of person who gave a fuck about Andy âI felt like an ethnic minority on the Black Panther setâ âI somehow interpreted Animal Farm in the most ridiculous way possibleâ Serkisâ opinions on anything, let alone race, my life would be much sadder. I think the adaptation will be an enshittified money-grab, and I will probably embrace cannibalism when McDonalds inevitably starts giving out little Gollums with every Happy Meal. Again.
What I am surprised and disappointed by is how the liberal-left reaction to this shit is to always and forever just either pretend it doesnât exist in the text, or is the result of a complete misreading. So seldom is the response âfuck me, this book has some real wild thoughts on race, letâs see how we can engage creatively with that in an adaptationâ. Which has never happened. In fact, all your thoughts on Amazon and lore faithfulness and other adaption criticism or applause aside, TROP, the only Tolkien interpretation that has directly engaged with race has thus far done so very, very badly, and only on a surface level. Why?
Because the loudest parts of liberal Tolkien fandom is not interested in exploring race as it exists in the text, to explore it progressively, to engage creatively with the structural conservatism present within the very construction of Middle Earth. Theyâre interested in concessions that change very little: you can have your brown elves, as long as we donât have to think about the implications of foundational aspects of our beloved world, which we relate to greatly and do not wish to think about why we relate to it beyond our own experience of encountering the text.
No, itâs always either an insistence that the Racists are Wrong because the Text is Pure, or a slight, grudging concession that Tolkien had âa few racist elementsâ but ânothing like the racism of todayâ. Of course itâs nothing like the racism of today. Tolkien isnât writing in 2026. It was the racism of yesterday, and it is very clearly written into the text. Tolkien is not your mildly problematic grandpa. Tolkien was an Oxford don with an enormous, wide-ranging cultural impact, and refusing to acknowledge that is the misreading, not the pointing out of or engagement with structural racism within the text.
There's also a version of this where people cite Tolkien's 1938 letter to the German publisher, ie the one where he refuses to confirm he's of "Aryan" descent and basically tells them to fuck off, as the other canonical "proof text" that Tolkien Was Not Racist, and it does the same flattening as the valedictorian quote. It's a great letter, very âget thee gone from my gateâ but it is also a letter about refusing a specific, legally coded Nazi racial category, not a statement about the internal racial logic of his own fiction.
Nobody is saying Tolkien was a fascist white supremacist Nazi. Hell, Tolkienâs own thoughts on military atrocity is pretty clear in the depictions of the escalating kinslayings. But people love to conflate "hated actual fascism, said so on the record and is very evident in his fiction" with "therefore the legendarium contains no racialised hierarchy," as though those two things have to rise or fall together, when they don't. You can be sincerely, personally opposed to Nazi race science and apartheid violence and still write a mythology where moral and aesthetic worth consistently map onto a Northern-European somatic ideal. Because the racialisation Tolkien both inherited and passed on wasn't Nazi race science, it was the broader Edwardian/interwar philological raciology he was actually swimming in, hell, drowning in, considering the Oxford environment. And I find it so, so frustrating how fandom keeps failing to make this distinction: structural racialisation and personal bigotry are not the same axis, and refusing to be measured on one doesn't clear you on the other.
The Southrons/Easterlings material is obviously the part most quoted when it comes to Tolkienâs âproblematic elementsâ except it's imo super telling how rarely it actually gets quoted compared to how often it gets vaguely waved at (except Charles E Mills. I love you Charles E Mills). Anyway âBlack men like half-trolls," swarthy, slant-eyed, riding out of the south and east to serve Sauron⊠itâs the same mapping of good-north/evil-south-and-east you get in a dozen other early-twentieth-century adventure texts. And this imo actually undermines the "it's just medievalism, calm down" defense, because medievalism is a selectively retrospective construction of which past you're claiming and which one you're othering, not some sort of static, neutral historical styling.
Tolkien's medievalism is specifically Northern European heroic-elegiac medievalism, the "Northernness" he talks about loving as a kid, and that aesthetic preference is not extractable from the racial hierarchy it produces on the page. You cannot keep the aesthetic and disclaim the politics because as in all art, the aesthetic is the politics, that's what "structural" means as opposed to "incidentalâ, and I just wish that many extremely clever people who understand this in a contemporary sense would allow themselves to feel uncomfortable and look at it in a beloved text.
Jackson's trilogy didn't invent racialisation in Tolkien, hell I think he even softened some of it because the Scouring is straight up impossible to adapt without it being very clear about its politics, but his adaptation does go quite some way make the existing racism legible⊠casting, costuming, choreography and cinematography does the same racialised sorting the text does, and does it visually: Uruk-hai as a kind of grunting brutalised, brutalistic mass, Haradrim on oliphaunts as a fairly straightforward Orientalist boogeyman, and the Fellowship itself photographed like a Pre-Raphaelite fantasy lmfao. Serkis isn't introducing a new interpretive layer with his commentary, hell Serkis was in all those Jackson films as well! Serkis is being very clear about what aspects of the legendarium matter to him, and that aspect happens to be the whiteness of it all. And I genuinely cannot understand why the huge âscandalâ around his comment is not that someone said the quiet part, but that saying it out loud is what became the scandal, taken as some kind of transgression against Tolkien and all his readers with Good Politicsâąïž, rather than the quarter-century of adaptations, readings, and analysis of the text that wordlessly encoded the racism and got called faithful and dedicated for it.
I didnât want to go to author is dead territory but. Fandom discourse keeps reaching for authorial intent as the arbiter of textual meaning in exactly the way most of these same people would reject in any other context. Everyone is a massive New Critic the second the author in question is someone they love. But Tolkien doesnât need to have consciously intended a racial hierarchy or a white nationalist mythology for the text to functionally produce one, for it to be so loved by conservatives and ethnonationalists who come fifty years after his time.
Intent is not even a contested position in literary theory, it's just the very basic understanding that "text has ideology independent of authorial intent". The insistence on relitigating Tolkien's personal feelings as though that settles the structural question is wild to me, and I find it so extremely unproductive how liberal fandom reaches for this constantly, repeatedly chanting Tolkienâs few vaguely liberal statements that read far less liberally in context. But I guess the alternative, ie reading the actual construction of race in the legendarium on its own terms, requires giving up the fantasy that the thing you love is politically inert. And itâs just so sad man. Like I fucking love the legendarium, and I think insisting on its moral purity is the worst thing you can do to it.
I think my entire argument can be summed up in a few questions. Why do conservatives keep saying "I love Tolkien" completely unashamedly, in a way they donât realy say about most other âcanonicalâ twentieth-century texts, while we on the left have to perform a whole apologetic dance before we say it? What is it that they embrace about the text, that we have to occlude in order to express an unproblematic âloveâ? Why do we have to disavow parts of a text to claim we love it? Who are we performing to? What are we losing in focusing so hard on this performance?
This is why the Serkis-style comment, or the Rings of Power casting discourse, ends up being the deepest engagement we collectively get in fandom terms. Because both "sides" of that fight are actually shallow in the same way, just from opposite ends. The right-wing backlash to diverse casting is, repulsively, responding to something absolutely present in the text: a defensive crouch around a racial aesthetic it identifies as being under threat. The liberal-left response, the "just add brown elves" gesture, claims the problem to be one of representation and casting rather than structure, which is precisely why the racial elements of The Rings of Power satisfies no one and changes nothing.
You can put actors of colour in NĂșmenor and Harfoot villages and yet the underlying moral framework of who is coded as inherently noble and who as inherently monstrous, whose skin colour the textual narrative uses as a standin for corruption, stays completely untouched. Again, see my TROP link above, with the jihadi-coding of the villains. Because that framework isn't located in the casting of an adaptation, it's located in the construction of Arda itself and physiognomy-as-morality at the level of the prose itself, constantly present throughout the text. Casting a Black actor as an elf doesn't do anything to the fact that "evil race coded as racially other" is still sitting right there in the Southrons and the orcs, unadapted, undiscussed, doing exactly the same work it always did, and this work takes on a new look in post-2001 adaptations.
So what you get is two adaptations of the same tiresome insanemaking discourse rather than two different arguments: the right defends the racial aesthetic as the substance of their love, and the liberal mainstream defends the fantasy that representation-level tweaks constitute engagement with race. And so, nobody actually produces the adaptation that takes seriously what nonwhite Tolkien scholars have been saying for decades, which is that you'd have to touch the orc/Southron/Valar/Valinor/blondeness architecture itself to ever productively have this conversation. Not diversify who plays the good guys, but interrogate why "evil" in this legendarium has a face and a hair colour and points compass east.
But if the talk about this goes on as it does, and continues between Tolkien the Pure versus Tolkien the Misread, there will never be anyone willing to make that adaptation, and weâll go on forever in a sisyphean climb, where both the reactionary embrace and the progressive denial are just two versions of refusing to read the same damn book. Basically, I think we on the left etc need to stop treating "is Tolkien racist" as a yes/no gate you have to clear before you're allowed to enjoy the books, and stop acting like enjoying problematic media makes you a fascist. We need to start treating the racialised architecture within Tolkienâs world as the actual object of study, same way you'd read imperial romance or Forster or Kipling or Haggard, without needing to acquit or convict the author first.
Which means we have to name the conservatism specifically rather than gesturing at "some outdated attitudes," trace where it comes from historically (the philological Northernness Tolkien grew up steeped in, not some special personal failing that reflects badly on you), and then ask what an adaptation would look like which dramatised that rather than smoothing over it or weaponising it. We have to let go of the idea that critical engagement is disloyalty, and let go of the idea that loving something requires defending its honour. We need to get the resilience needed to engage with the idea that a work can be both formative and ideologically compromised at the same time.
We donât need to resolve that tension into either adoring hagiography or totalising cancellation. If we do, we're going to keep getting âkeep the Shire whiteâ Serkis soundbites and âhooray we cast a brown elf in our we-invented-elf-jihadis show!â news cycles standing in for a conversation that hasn't actually started yet, and ngl buddies I have to say I personally will be biting people the next time I see yet another rendition of the same damn response-reaction cycle start again because everyone, both the conservatives and the left, wants the things they love to be a reflection of themselves, and will twist themselves into pretzels to ensure that remains the case.
"here's my original character, Man Who Sucks But Loves His Daughter Very Much" and it's a guy who worships at the altar of patriarchal violence and the woman he uses as an excuse and an effigy to absolve him
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A bouquet of Winter Heliotropes (justice shall be done to you)
Today was the day of Maeglin's funeral. Idril wore a pale white robe, her braids were undecorated, and she thought of her mother when she needed to cry. Thankfully she wasn't expected to make and present a speech for him, only to stand there and be a the perfect Vanya symbol of sadness; beautifully crying of course.
Here's what happened next.
They brought out the coffin
Someone, propbably one of Maeglin's admirerers, dramatically drapped themselves over it
A guard shooed them off and the rest of the Lords began saying their goodbyes
Idril said meaningless words and placed her flowers on his casket
Her fatherâŠhe mourned, quietly, but with his grey eyes like ManwĂ«'s storms
A procession lead him to his cryptâwhich is next to Aredhel'sâand his coffin was laid to rest.
The doors were shut once they finished and finally Idril's nightmare was over.
Trying to murder him and make it look like an accident was one of the most difficult things that Idril has done in her life. She had to not only kill himâwhich was hard due to his paranoiaâbut also make it seem accidental or at least that there was no foul play, because she did not wish to fall under the definition of a kinslayer. However, Idril made it work.
The plan went like this:
She will act nicely; take his jewelry and stares and the way his eyes undress her without complaint. Let him hold her hand and sniff her hair and secretly take out the pins within. Allow him to speak for her, to tell her what to do as your kinsman. Give him the illusion of control that soothes him like his father.
Convince him she means no harm no matter how much her body freezes with fear and boils with disgust. Her heart beats like it wants to escape; her appetite is non-existent, her eyes are underlined with the shadows of the Encircling Mountains. It is worth it. It must be.
Take him to the lake near the end of Gondolin's winter, say that she wants to see the town and pick the blooming flowers. They are not common in the capital. He does not know ice like she does; he does not know how to see at a glance how thick it is, he doesn't know how to swim. (Neither does Idril)
Maeglin has heard the stories about her past, so he isn't afraid when she suggests walking on the ice across the lake. It nearly killed her, she wouldn't go back unless it was safe. Idril knows it's not and the very sight of foot steps on crystal makes her want to give up then and there, yet she can't. It is now or never, or at least until he tries to marry her (kill her). There is no excuse for self-defense in Gondolin's definition of kinslaying.
Last week she came to this lake to visit the town nearby. Idril claimed it was to help them with the issue with their taxes, and she did, but that is not the only reason she was there. With the help on a sturdy axe and the fuel of his glances and whispered 'fantasies', she broke a section of the lake. It will refreeze weaker than before.
Idril leads him to this section now, laughing with him the entire time about how they both nearly slip with every step. She's only pretending to make him less scared. He grabs her waist the next time he barely slips. "It was an accident," he says, holding on tighter with a bruising pressure. He pale hands don't let go. They pull her forward like a mantis bringing it's prey to it's maw.
Dark Tree-less eyes stare at her. He says then that she is perfection itself, golden and bright like the first time he saw the sun. Once again his hands drag Idril closer, until his breathes warmth against her neck. He tells her he wants to marry her once day. Damned be Turgon, damned be the laws. Maeglin and her are perfect opposites meant to be together, like Tillion and Arien; Finwë and Indis, Telperion and Laurëlin. She are fated to be one. He knew that it was written in the theme that she are meant to be his.
He goes on about how angry Idril made him in the past, how her rejections infuriated him. To see her with anyone else would have killed him. But of course he wouldn't have done anything if she truly didn't want to be with him, but he loves her so much that he would have to make sure. Maeglin doesn't say how; He doesn't look at Idril but through her. Idril's breaths come in pants, the ice below twists and turns like waves, and still he doesn't let her go. She can't push him away eitherâhe's stronger and the weakened ice is behind her.
Once, only once, he kisses her neck. His lips are like a brand and the cold air coming to chill the stain feels like the Helcaraxë. Idril trembles in his grasp, quietly begging the Valar that he stops there. There is no one here to save her if he doesn't and she has no weapons. There is no excuse for self-defense in Gondolin's definition of kinslaying. He is grateful that Idril sees who he is past his father's acidic blood, past his sinda-pale skin and moriquendi eyes. She thinks he's exactly like Eöl. With a face like Uncle Fingon and a smile like he was eighty and seeing Gondolin's Trees for the first time, he muses about the future.
He will be high king, she will be by his side. He will be beloved, she will love him. He will be a father, she will give him children. He will protect the city, she will be his possession. Maeglin stops at one point, eyes widening as if he has finally heard himself. A pained look crosses his face and poisons his entire mood. "Gondolin will still accept me even if I'm...half-sinda right? The son of that avari kinslayer?"
Aredhel's face looks down at Idril in despair, begging her to reassure him. She tell him they will, becuase that's the truth. It doesn't matter who his father is, the city already loves him. He's a great smith and warrior, a good lord as well. Maeglin is also a ner and looks like Fingolfin who looks like FinwĂ«; Gondolin loves it's superstitions. Idril has never even been a competitor, there is no other choice but him. It won't matter if Idril is drowning in despair, locked in his sunless heart and trapped like Aredhel once wasâher feelings are unimportant and her symbolism as Arien, LaurĂ«lin, Indis isâGondolin has always loved him more.
Maeglin relaxes, his shoulders drop and his grip loosens. He rests his head on her shoulder and breaths in her perfume. If he notices her rapidly beating pulse, he says nothing. Her face is still frozen in it's mask of happiness. The cold dries out your gums and freezes the small tears that never left the corner of her eye. Its also a good reason for why she is still shaking.
Idril wants to run away into her father's arms; He would pick her up in the air and keep her away from the monsters. His grey eyes would shine with love and harden when faced with the threat that scared her. She wants to be protected and safe and warm and her mother to dry her tears and say that she loves her. Her friends would notice her shaking and wrap her in blankets. They'd all laugh over gossip or stories or the like. In her room, she could let go and laugh and be safe. She wants Aredhel who taught her how to use a bow, who fought a bear for her, who played games with her and told her that she was amazing. She wants to go home. Please, someone take her home.
She nearly starts crying there, only her experience as princess of Gondolin stops her. That, and her planâher safety and savior and the only thing that will stop this growing nightmare. Maeglin lets go of her. Blood flows to her waist that he had bruised. Idril steps to his side and points to the flower patch she had planned to take them to. He laughs at her and promises that they will go to get the silly flowers. Chiveraly says that he will cross over first to make sure it's safe. The ice glitters and shines like a jewel, glowing like the stretch that took her mother and her legs. Maybe Idril felt sad for the eighty-year old Maeglin who had entered Gondolin for the first time, she did like that version of him; For a moment she thinks about warning him and shoving the whole plan aside. She doesn't want to murder anyone, but he will never stop chasing her. She will never be free of his grasp and the vision of Nam Emloth in his eyes unless he is gone.
The city of Gondolin has debated over the meaning and requirements of a kinslayer over the course of her life time. It was hard to find a description that kept the fëanorions guilty and her father innocent. There is no excuse for self-defense in Gondolin's definition of kinslaying. No law would allow Idril to protect herself if Maeglin attacked; She had to be proactive. The laws say nothing on knowingly leading someone to their death, nor setting up a situation in which it was likely someone would die. Gondolin refused to even imagine why someone would be desperate enough to go to that level to purposefully kill someone. This was the most legal protection Idril could get, and what she will use to argue with herself when doubt comes in.
Maeglin stared at her a few seconds before the ice broke. She did not know if he finally realized he was prey or was still looking at her through the lens of predator. Whatever was going on behind his Tree-less dark eyes, Idril will never know. He fell into the cold waters, grasping at anything to keep him afloat as he was dragged further under. Panic filled his gaze. He reached towards her for help, and Idril stood still. She watched as his movements slowed, his legs stopped thrashing, his eyes lost their shine. Idril did nothing as Maeglin drowned. Only once she was sure he was dead, and that the ice wouldn't crack anymore, she ran to the town screaming for help that would be far too late.
Her father cried for days after Maeglin died, asking the Valar what he had done for his family to be cursed to die and him being unable to save them. A part of Idril felt sad for him. It hurt to keep on loosing your loved ones and there being nothing you can do to stop it. Another part of her felt relieved, warm, and free. No one ever asked Idril why she didn't try saving him. The answers were obvious: Idril wasn't very strong, the memories of the HelcaraxĂ« must have frozen her, the lake was far away from the town and she was never a fast runner, she is just a womanâthere isn't much she can do.
The marble doors to Maeglin's crypt closed, trapping his darkness inside forever. Clouds above the crowd moved and shifted away, revealing the bright sun. Arien shown down upon Idril and warmed her skin. Through the sounds of crying Idril could hear the birds singing in their light notes and complex voices. They danced in the sky, twirling and spinning like ribbons in the wind. Idril felt like she was up there with them. She was above the stone walls, out of the dark forest and freeâfree to roam and fly and soar to incredible heights. free free free free. Idril was finally free. A person-sized weight fell of her shoulders, smashing into a cloud of dust on the ground. Tears went down her face, going from a simple drip of a faucet to Sirion's mighty streams. Idril was sobbing uncontrollably in the middle of the procession; snot rolled down her face, the world was a blurry mess and she was breathing in gasping pants. It was over. The nightmare was gone, the darkness receded, the winter banished by the warmth of spring. It was over.
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Till is the only one who fucking NAILED the cover for All-in. Not hating on the other covers but till one genuinely is similar to hyuna version. Makes sense that till and hyuna are so alike. If till wasn't SO out of it because of ivan's death, he might as well have traumatized luka. Hyuna and till's mannerisms as well as their passions are quite alike.
i do think it's important to realise even if you like the books that when white supremacists really like LOTR they aren't mistaken about the work or misguided or foolishly failing to comprehend the text. they are identifying something very much present in the work that aligns with and expresses their beliefs about the world and connecting with it