He got together with Jess as a way to get over the constant thoughts of Deanโฆ like, he was unable to think, to concentrate on his uni work, thinking of Dean. Of how he left and Dean didnโt stop him. Whatโs Dean up to now, is he safe, is he with dad, etc. Sheโs a distraction at first, but I feel like he falls for her pretty quickly. And genuinely so. Up until Dean resurfaces and ropes him into finding Johnโฆ
His guilt over Jessโs death a continuous if I hadnโt needed a distraction, she wouldnโt be deadโฆ
I think Sam questioned his sexuality at a young age. Not overly in depth, just a fleeting curiosity. But he was afraid of being even more abnormal. He craved normalcy, so he shut that part of himself away. But it comes through in subtle ways; his mannerisms, his appearance, his soft-heartedness, etc.
He slept with a comfort blanket up until the age of seven, when John took it away, because โyouโre too soft, Sam,โ and he cried himself to sleep for weeks after.
He was groomed into being the more submissive natured one in their family by John and Dean. I think without their influence, he wouldnโt be as self-loathing or allowing of such treatment. I think heโd display more of the side to him he has when having sex with women. Thereโs a certain control, strength, a dominating streak to him. But with his dad and Dean he doesnโt display it as often, and when he does, itโs quickly shut down by the two.
Heโs bicurious BUT heโd never be able to admit to it. I think he idolises certain hunters (John, Gordon) and lies to himself about it solely being about their skill, but thereโs a deep-seated curiosity there that he leaves untouched, unexploredโฆ until it comes to Sammyโฆ
He would have been a mix between Mary and John had he of grown up in a normal household, no hunting. I think heโd share similar traits to Sam at times; more caring, less judgemental. And I think, despite him believing otherwise, that heโd excel at studying. Once he sets his mind to something, he gets it done. But he never had that chance, so he doesnโt dwell on it. Doesnโt want to. The what ifs.
Dean craves control because heโs never felt in control of his life. He likes to hold the upper hand, to know whatโs coming next, because heโs the puppeteer and what he says goes. I think it shines through in how he treats Sam the most. Almost like Sam is his plaything. A doll to pose however he likes. But of course, Sam isnโt just letting Dean have full control, and thatโs where a lot of their tension stems from.
Dean starting looking at Sammy when he was 11. A stray glance, an errant thought. Sam, in his oversize t-shirt (Deanโs hand-me-down), mid heatwave, shaggy hair just a touch too long damp at his forehead, pouting as he chases a sticky drip of a lemonade icy pole with his tongue, licking up the side of his wrist. And Dean is lost in it all. He canโt shake that image from his head, it buries deeper every year. And he taunts Sammy, teases him, to cover up his true thoughts.
Dean only ever goes softly with Sammy (during sex) when heโs manipulating him. When he needs to convince him of something, or get back in his good books etc. When heโs fucking rough and dirty; spit-slicked and sweat-dampened and low-voiced grunts, thatโs when heโs being honest. He enjoys taking what he wants without preamble.
Sam likes to be rimmed. Deanโs a sucker for blowjobs. So they compromise and 69 as foreplay often. Sam gets loosened up and Dean gets nice and hard for the main event.
Sam had more kinks than Dean. He likes to hurt a little during sex, to be pinned down, fucked into the mattress, tied up, hit, spat on, bitten. Dean likes rough sex but he enjoys indulging Sam with the other stuff. Loves it when Sammy leaves scratch marks on his back. He leaves matching bruise marks on Samโs thighs and hips.
