
Janaina Medeiros
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
occasionally subtle
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@theartofmadeline
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
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ā

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Jules of Nature
Sweet Seals For You, Always
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
almost home
styofa doing anything
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@yesalpacablog

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they love me because I be saying shit like alas and perchance
last night I said 'how fortuitous' unironically
my cat is completely obsessed with watching the bathroom sink drain and I have started calling this "her shows." as in when I'm in the bathroom and she meows and runs up I'll be like "oh you want to watch your shows?" and run the faucet for an extra few seconds so it fills a little. she will then sit there at the edge of the sink for ages totally entraptured by the drain. blorbo from her sink
her shows
got my first ever official customer complaint because when i was going over the terms of their life insurance they were like "well i don't plan to die" and i was like "well you're going to"
I work at a cemetery and you can make payments on your preneed grave and interment and this one guy had just paid his off and to communicate this to him I said, āyep, youāre paid in full so youāre good to go!šā and he just went ā you shouldnāt say thatā and then I Realized
you literally have to unironically listen to some shit like party rock anthem so you donāt kill yourself

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that coffee and pastry will save your life btw
me forcing myself to do things that make me feel better
nobody talks about how exhausting it is to live in that space between "things will get better" and "i can't handle this anymore." it's like your emotions are constantly swinging. leaving you both hopeful and defeated in the same day.

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save me, rice mixed with some bullshit
Ahh, itās back
i have disproportionately strong feelings about this.
unauthorized fucking thing!!!!!!
(warning: loud chirping throughout)
source: hellgate osprey cam
incredible sounds happening here
The Least Intimidating bakery in the village has closed for good so now Iāve got to go to the Intimidating Bakery, itās awful. If you donāt have a PhD in being French I donāt recommend going to that bakery, hereās the humiliating account of the 3 times Iāve visited it so far:
the first time I went in there I pointed at one of those extra-skinny baguettes and said āa flute, pleaseā feeling pretty sure of myself, and the baker said ā⦠thatās a ficelleā (you idiot) (was implied) āa flute is twice as large as a baguette.ā
Thatās insane, first of all, a flute is a skinny instrument. Call your fat baguette a bassoon, ladyāI made some timid remark about how it would make more sense for a flute to be a skinny bread and the baker said, āIn Paris it is. I thought you were from the South?ā
oh, that hurt
I guess Iām from the part of the South thatās so close to Italy the breadās waist size matters less than whether itās got olives in it, but I left the bakery having an existential crisis over whether living in Paris had made me forget my roots
the Least Intimidating Bakery just had normal baguettes vs. seedy baguettes vs. horny baguettes (easy mode, some have seeds, some have horns), while the new bakery has breads that are only different on a molecular levelāthereās a good old loaf and then another, identical loaf called a bastard? google told me a bastard is āhalfway between a baguette and a breadā but denouncing them like āthose are not regulation-sized bastardsā would get me banned from the bakery for life
on my 2nd visit (while I stood in line discreetly googling baguette terminology) there was an English tourist who asked for a baguette while pointing at what was either a rustique or a sesame and I felt a bit worried for them, but the baker just clarified āthis one?ā to waive any responsibility if they found out later it wasnāt a classic baguette, then handed them the bread without educating them in a judgmental tone and I felt envious
I know itās because she thinks the English are beyond saving but still it made me want to come back with a fake moustache and an English accent so I wouldnāt be expected to play bakery on expert mode just because Iām French. I asked for a pastry this time and the baker asked āno bread with that?ā which felt cruel, like she wanted me to sprinkle myself with ashes and admit out loud that my level of bread proficiency isnāt as advanced as I once believed it was
The third time I went, I had lost all self-confidence and I hesitantly pointed at a bread and said āIād like this, uhāwhat is it called?ā and the baker looked at me in disbelief and said āThatās a baguette.ā
God.
for the record, if that stupid bread had been flanked by a skinny bread (ficelle) and a fat one (flute) then yeah of course I would have known to call it a baguette, but in the absence of reference points I now felt lost and scared of being called a Parisian again
itās hard to express the depth of my suffering so Iāll just let the facts speak for themselves: this morning a French person (me) stood in a French bakery in France surrounded by French people and pointed at a baguette and said āwhat is this calledā

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sending "?" to represent myself tilting my head like a dog
sending "!" to represent myself perking up my ears in excitement like a dog
Why is it easier and more comfortable to sit in a position that actively damages my joints than it is to just sit with okay posture. Why does my body crave its own destruction