My friend Alex had a friend with Tony Hawk Pro Skater when he was about twelve. He was at his friendβs house and they were playing it together. After a half day doing sick kick flips and rail grinds these two young lads realized an incontrovertible fact of the universe: they were awesome at skateboarding.
So awesome, in fact, that they needed to take to the real world! Luckily for them, the friendβs mom was seeing a skateboarder at the time. They went hunting for a board among his belongings and came up with a deck!
That was okay by these enterprising young men though because they were so good at skateboarding that wheels were immaterial.
So they took to the front lawn. The deck wouldnβt actually slide on the grass, though. They were problem solving machines so this didnβt slow them down. They grabbed the hose and wet the grass down and began to make merry, skateboarding across the sodden lawn, absolutely shredding the blameless grass.
Eventually the friendβs mom came home and saw this absolute trash fire and decided to pour gasoline on it by yelling, βWhat the fuck are you doing to my lawn?!β
She did not tell them to stop. Instead she went inside and returned to them with the accelerant to the trash fire:
βUse that,β she said. Its worth noting at this point that the only reason to own a twenty five gallon barrel of lubricant is orgies or wresting and that this particular mom was a bit notorious around the neighborhood for not always closing the blinds when she had sex parties.
The boys were delighted by this turn of events.
They slathered the skateboard with lube and had hours of fun doing an activity that had realistically had more in common with snowboarding than skateboarding but nevertheless worked up quite the appetite.
After a while they were ravenous. They decided that they wanted waffles.
So they pumped out more lube and mixed up some waffle batter.
Once they had a nice stack and had tucked into their lubricant enhanced feast of waffles the kids mom came back out. She observed the pile of waffles. She looked at the lube barrel.
βAre these strawberry waffles?β
The boys nodded enthusiastically, mouths full of synthetic sex juice.
She did what any reasonable parent would. She sat down to join them in consuming a plate full of strawberry waffles.
