sapphic piece of shit

There's no better case for socialism than the world's first trillionaire being a massive loser who cosplays as his mom and baby online and lies about being good at video games in an attempt to give his life meaning.

There are four categories of people you will meet: Underlings, superiors, rivals, and love interests. One of my underlings has been attempting to convince me of the existence of a fifth category, "friend", which appears to have no purpose. I suspect it is a ploy to get out of performing her duties.

If you have enough passion in your heart, superiors, rivals, and even some underlings can also be love interests.

an underling love interest isn't a person they are a Toy

They missed. 😔

Fanfiction is cool because you get to learn what other people's parents taught them the hymen is like

I know that I had somewhat unusually comprehensive sex ed but it still surprises me every time I'm reminded that some people genuinely think that losing your virginity is a capri sun kind of situation.

senior/elderly nonbinary people. I adore you and you make the world a better place. whether you've known for multiple decades or you just found out last year. thank you for just Being. so much love from me.

hypnosis works on me because I listen to women

lowkey kinda hate how all the pride flags are just stripes, can we get some shapes up in here pls

Hell yeah 🤙

Biczechual

please do not look up to me. I am 1 inch tall. I'm down here. if you look up you won't see me

I REALLY LIKE THIS ART THIS IS SO CUTE I'M BEING HELD UP

villain going to the goon shelter to pick out a new henchman

this energetic and diabolical boy was rescued from a goon hoarding situation… he loves pulling levers, gloating, and turning cranks with great abandon. prefers to be the only goon. needs an active lair with plenty of enrichment.

now this fella comes with some baggage. his previous villain was going to have put down when he refused to perform unsedated human vivisection as a form of torture. one of our agents intercepted the execution and brought him to the goon shelter. would thrive in an environment of G or PG-rated villainry.

on the other hand, if you’re looking for something a little more… advanced… then this fine lady over here would make a great challenge for an experienced villain able to set firm boundaries. she will NOT be released to first-time villains; proof of prior henchpeople must be demonstrated before adoption approval. high prey drive. under no circumstances should she be left alone with children or small animals. must sign waiver releasing the goon shelter from responsibility if her behavior is deemed excessively depraved.

These two are pair-bonded and may only be adopted together. Up for anything, they are fiercely loyal to their employer provided their needs are met and they are permitted to hold hands. They look alarmingly similar to one another but it is undeterminable whether they are close blood relatives or lovers who choose to dress and style themselves in identical ways. Habit of finishing each other’s sentences with rhyming couplets; we have not attempted to train this out of them. Will answer to whatever names or titles you give them so long as they are complimentary and/or rhyme.

Will you help this goon find his forevil lair? He’s been returned to the goon shelter six times now but we refuse to give up on him. A vile little rat of a man, he’d be the perfect accomplice to someone willing to overlook his unfortunate heterosexuality. If gay-coding is not your style and you don’t expect it from a henchman, please consider giving this little guy a good home in your dastardly schemes.

This guy is not your typical goon. He was rescued from a high-kill shelter after being deemed unfit for henching. His deep baritone voice, his darkly handsome good looks, and his flair for the dramatic have made prospective employers pass over him time and time again, making him the longest resident of the goon shelter. But don’t judge a book by its cover—while his appearance and demeanor suggest “villain”, his real passion is taking orders and faithfully serving a master. If you’re secure in your villainry and not prone to jealousy, he may just be what it takes to turn your base into a lair.

Now this big fella, we've named him Tony the Greek, he was rescued from an illegal goon mill for Runyonland Thugs. This is a very popular breed due to their classically intimidating looks and charming speech patterns, but they are very high-maintenance. The Runyonland Thug was originally bred for debt collection and deterring private investigators, so they need a bustling urban environment to run around in--if you keep him cooped up in your ominous castle or island volcano lair, he'll get restless and start roughing up your other minions. Proper grooming is essential; make sure his suits are nice and pressed and he has a long coat and a hat for when he's going out on errands for you. And they love toys--mostly Tommy guns and brass knuckles, but Tony, you can see, loves his blackjack. Sadly selective breeding has resulted in a tendency towards health problems--alcohol abuse, excessive gambling, getting shot in a police raid--but with care this loyal henchman will bring you joy and your enemies pain for years to come.