Enter OCEAN EYES and NOT DEAD YET, two of the kingâs most quarrelsome stablehands.
OCEAN
May one explain what powdered milk doth be?
Is it not gas? I live in constant fear.
NOT DEAD
The water flees to air, the rest is left.
The dry debris then forms the powdered milk.
OCEAN
Thou sayest water doth reside in milk?
NOT DEAD
Pray tell what thou believâst the liquid is?
OCEAN
Is milk not one pure substance in itself?
NOT DEAD
No;Â âtis only milk-stuff mixed with water.
OCEAN
Yet milk appears from living cowsâ own tits!
NOT DEAD
âTis juice from tits, yet water still it holds.
If water be in juice, then âtis in milk.
Enter DERIN, the scarlet pescatarian.
DERIN
âTis drops of fat afloat in water,
As if âtwas dressing for thy greens.
With water gone, the powdered milk remains.
A NOTE attached to an arrow, written by BURNING BRAND, flies through the window.
BURNING BRANDâS NOTE
Obsessed with he who foolishly believâd
That milk is element of chemistry.
The NOTE crumbles to ash. BURNING BRAND is not seen again.
OCEAN
As he who instigated such a fight,
I felt that this creation was my duty.
OCEAN unrolls a scroll of parchment with a flourish.
OCEAN
Behold, âtis milk, one hundred and nineteen.
Enter JASON FUNDER BERKER, a frog.
JASON FUNDER BERKER
And yet the burning question still remains:
âTis metal, not, or somewhere in between?
JASON FUNDER BERKER does not wait to hear the answer, and exits.
DERIN
A lanthinide! A special case, I see.
How fascinating, geometrically.Â
But let us leave atomic musings be.
For milk is a rare metal of our Earth.
OCEAN
Of course it is, for I am always right.
My choices are, of course, deliberate.
DERIN
I do not doubt thou speakest truth, my lord
Thy brilliant mind is utterly unmatchâd.
It seems that an agreement has been reachâd.
OCEAN
Of course; however, in sincerity
I wish to know thy scholar-driven thoughts.
DERIN
I fear âtwould be beyond thy comprehension.
To teach to thee would take this much too far.
Exit OCEAN, in a huff. Enter JESIN, BOOP BOOP, FLIPOCRITE, VELVET, and LOVELY DREAMS, curious onlookers attracted to the scene.
JESIN
Do teach us, it would not take this too far!
DERIN
Ye all complain of learning strangely,
Then ask me baiting questions such as this!
BOOP BOOP
Thy gross ineptitude shall be my death!
Milk is formed of small component parts.
The fat, the sugars, proteins all combine
They seep through pores of membranes in this drink
Unpleasant compounds all are filterâd out.
All this obtained for small amounts of coin.
DERIN
No, milk is lanthanide, pray keep the pace.
FLIPOCRITE
The word thou meanâst is lactanide, I think.
DERIN
May sharpened pain-shaped stones fill up thy shoes
So that thou never knowâst a momentâs peace.
VELVET
A cube of milk, three inches on each side
Could blow up the entire galaxy.
DERIN
Our galaxy was formed in such a fashion.
âTis why we gave it name of âMilky Way.â
LOVELY DREAMS
Thus ends our entertainment for the night
Here fools and pompous scholars come to fight.
Exuent, pursued by a cow.
(Shakespearean adaptation format inspired by @mortimermcmirestinksâ in this post)
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