Something that happens a lot in non-binary spaces is that a new member of the community will ask a tone-deaf transphobic question like "Hi, AFAB here, I was wondering if any other AFAB NBs had advice about swimsuits? My AFAB chest means I can't wear swimsuits for AMABs," and an established community member will have to gently explain that not only are we are a community of people who often change their bodies to a degree that certificated sex becomes a useless way to describe anatomy, but we are also a community of people who often join the community explicitly to get away from our birth sex assignment, and so referring to people that way can be really offensive.
And no matter how gently this is pointed out, the newbie will often initially feel instinctively defensive towards what they perceive as scolding. Which means that when another community member comes along and says "Don't worry about the language police 🙄, many of us think AGAB language is fine, it's a useful way to refer to the kind of formative experiences you had as a child," the newbie will latch on to them like a life raft.
And yes, we live in a transphobic society, a lot of people coming into the trans community will have uninterrogated transphobic views, but that just makes them more vulnerable when there is always someone in the community willing to tell them "no, your transphobic views are fine actually, and in fact here are some more you might not have thought of!"
It means a sizeable chunk of newly-out NBs are swiftly radicalised into increasingly extreme transphobia and transmisogyny simply as a defense mechanism against having their own comments criticised. One day they're just happy to join a community where people supposedly don't judge you on your birth sex, and the next they're talking about the importance of "AGAB socialisation".
It's a really big problem and I don't know what we can do about it.
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