This is just a part I portray.

I now have the deepest desire to write a "break into the vault" story were they are introducing The Crew™️and then they are just like "oh and that guy, yeah apparently they can pick any lock in the world" so everyone is like mystified by them until they go on the mission and one of them asks "hey, where is your equipment how are you gonna break in" and then they just pull out their single sided jiggler and start jiggling

people born in 2000 should be like 12-14 now. but they’re not. that’s how fucked up our world is now

The older this post gets the funnier it becomes

My cousin born in 2000 is a licensed psychologist.

that’s how fucked up our world is now

the idea that every summer will be as hot if not hotter than this for the rest of my life is unbearable i need to (remembers suicide jokes are bad for my mental health) murder an oil executive

i've got the kind of eyebags that make people in movies say 'you look like hell, detective. go home.'

people aren't even exaggerating indeed is literally like that. walmart attendant $13 an hour, target attendant $13 an hour, AI dick sucker $40 an hour, home depot attendant $13 an hour, guy who designs bullets that can only kill children $160k a year plus benefits, gas station manager $18 an hour

everytime i see this it makes me want to buy from them exclusively