the Wonders are Infinite

He did a wonderful job, but as he was returning my plant to my custody, he explained "I watered her every other day, I gave her new dirt, moved her into the sunshine, prayed the rosary-"

"What?"

He looked at me, confused. "Isn't she a plant you pray with?"

"No," I said slowly. "She's a prayer plant. That's the... colloquial name of the plant."

Upon seeing his stricken face, I realized something went wrong. Turns out, this entire time, he's been including my plant in on his prayers and leaving her near icons.

If I think about a Derry Girls au too long, I literally pass out. It’s like, what if the Losers were 8 times stupider and more chaotic? It’s all I’ve ever wanted!!

Like I don’t even know how you would even plot this fic out? Literally all 5 of them would encounter Pennywise and immediately scream and try to hit him with the nearest object?? Like Pennywise would starve to death in Derry. All the kids would throw hands the second they saw him.

“Are ye saying you saw a clown, Michelle?”

“Aye, it was a fecking clown, Claire.”

“But, clowns aren’t even scary!” 

“Aye, I know that, and I told the wee bastard as much, then he grew a bunch of fangs, like, total cracker actually if ye think about it.”

“Have none of you considered that a grown man dressed like a clown hiding in the sewers who wants to eat children might be something to take at least a little bit seriously?!?”

“Ach, seriously, fuck off James, go be a craic killer somewhere else!”

“Have ye considered James that maybe the clown is more afeared of us, than we are a him?”

“No, Orla, I hadn’t considered that, thank you.”

“Okay girls, I think we’re all missing the point here! You said that he grew fangs!??! Are you sure you weren’t just a wee bit blackout drunk?!”

“Well to be fair, I was boking all over myself, Erin, to be sure, yeah.”

___

“What’s this I hear about a man dressed like a clown in the sewers?”

“But da you don’t think our Erin is daft enough to play in the sewers do ye?”

“I’m sure it’s just an urban legend, Joe.”

“You watch your tone with me boy! I’ll not have some wee Southern shite tell me what’s real and what’s myth!”

“I tell ya it’s real! As real as my right hand, swear to God!”

“Erin! I don’t want you goin anywhere near no man approachin wains dressed like a clown!”

“But don’t you think the whole affair of dressing up as a clown like, is a wee bit… gay? Uh- I mean no offense son.”

When you're talking about the design of the boat, you say "it".

When the boat is still being built, your say "it".

When the boat is nearing completion, you can say "it" or "she".

When the boat is floating in the water you probably say "she", unless there is still a lot of work to be done (e.g. no engine yet) then you say "it".

When the boat is officially launched and operating, you say "she". If you continue to say "it" at this point you are not incorrect but suspiciously untraditional. You are not playing the game.

If you are referring to a boat you don't really know anything about you may say "it" ("there's a big boat, it's coming this way"). But if you know its name, it's probably "she" ("there's the Waverley, she's on her way to Greenock").

If you are talking about boats in general, you say "it" ("when a boat is hit by a wave it heels over")

If you speak about a boat in complimentary terms, it's "she" ("she's a grand boat"). If you are being disparaging it may be it, but not necessarily ("it's as ugly as sin", "she's a grotty old tub").

If she has a boy's name, she's still she. "Boy James", "King Edward", "Sir David Attenborough"? The pronoun is she.

If it's a dumb barge (no engine), you say it. But if it's a rowing boat (no engine), you say she.

Paid service with no ads: Well, if they're not funding it with ad revenue, they need to charge us something.

Paid service with ads: Well that's bullshit.