6:21

im so sorry that you're doomed by the narrative but i really need you to answer my message on Microsoft Teams

hard cider was invented when someone decided to make beer that tastes good instead of bad

stupid fuckin post. People have been making beer since before they even knew how to write and you think that they don’t like the way it tastes?

damn all that time and it still tastes really bad. huge L tbh

it’s never a normal temperature anymore it’s always some fucking bullshit

functionally suicidal character saying “I would die for you” to their significant other and its like. I get the sentiment, honey, but if a hot dog vendor told me he’d sell hot dogs for me, I wouldn’t feel very moved now would I

Now a functionally suicidal character saying “I will live for you”. Now that’s a dynamic I can sink my teeth into.

now how about a functionally suicidal character saying "I will sell hot dogs for you"

Hotdog vender lays down their life to protect their suicidal partner, who then takes over the hotdog stand to carry on their memory...

It's like talking to a 2010 Old Spice commercial with you people

nobody else doing it like me. particularly because the way i’m doing it is needlessly difficult

it is impossible to watch a movie. every night i think i want to watch a movie. no movie gets watched. because it's not possible

and yet they keep making movies with the hopes that one day humanity will discover a way to watch them. it's so inspiring

fuuuuck i forgot to give a shit about stupid bullshit that doesnt matter 🤦‍♀️

happy father's day specifically to that one scene where eddie calls buck a deadbeat dad in the middle of a supermarket for their entire team and the rest of the store to hear and buck stumbles over trying to negotiate visitation "do you know how much christopher misses you? how could you? you're not around" "maybe—maybe i could come visit" you will always be so famous to me <3

sorry im not giving into the cutting out sweet treats propaganda. life is hard enough

filtering down ao3 results from 14000 to 6 based on a single tag is foul. im sorry none of you are as enlightened as me ig.

kitten if you don't get daddy his 3D printed sensory slug in the next five seconds you can kiss your grandma's drywall goodbye

This was supposed to be unrebloggable, but I was flying into a gamer rage at the antique store because someone was wearing too much Victoria's Secret Love Spell body spray and it gave me a migraine.

you were born in 2006? what are you? a Honda Civic?

can i fucking help you?

one of the funnier incidents of me assuming someone knew a meme irl was when a new coworker was talking about some woman who got arrested for tax fraud and I went "God forbid women do anything" and he got scared and thought I was accusing him of being sexist, so he started apologizing and saying how tax fraud isn't even bad, actually.

having unwashed hair will have you believing shit like i can’t be saved