After his lunch, Jack landed back in the office at his cubicle. He put the AWO bag under his desk out of the way so that nobody could see it. He felt like he had been scammed and that he opened himself up to a bunch of phone calls and text messages talking about the latest greatest supplement that will make him a man after four easy payments of 49.95.
“Hey, how did the walk go?” Alan said about twenty minutes later as he stopped behind Jack’s desk with a cup of coffee in his hand.
“Hmm? Fine I guess,” Jack replied. For a moment, he was both annoyed at Alan interrupting him and that Alan was concerned about him.
Jack looked at Alan and the smile on his face. “What the hell are you smiling about?” he asked.
“Hmm?” Alan said. “I never thought you would go shopping on your lunch break. What did you get Mister ‘I don’t spend money on anything’?”
“Very funny,” Jack said, rolling his eyes. He thought he had hid the bag so that nobody would notice it. “Just a shirt I saw in a window. Probably won’t wear it. And just for the record I do spend money on things.”
“Things that you need to survive on,” Alan countered. “But spending money on yourself? That’s never happened as long as I knew you.”
“Very funny,” Jack said as he saw Annie walk up to the cubicle to join them. “Hey Annie. What can I do for you? Here to complain about how cheap I am?”
“Excuse me?” Annie said. “No, just wondering if the walk helped clear your head a bit. I know you’ve been under a bit of pressure lately.”
“It did honestly,” Jack replied. “Now if I could get people to stop sending me e-mails with problems they know how to fix things would be so much better.”
Annie frowned slightly and looked at Alan. “I didn’t know people were doing that,” she said. “They’re supposed to be sending that to the help desk. I’ll send an e-mail out to tell people to stop that.”
“No,” Jack replied. “I got it. I need to start standing up for myself anyway around here.”
“Just try to be nice about it all right?” Annie said as she nodded to Alan and Jack.
“What has gotten into you?” Alan asked. “That walk really did something didn’t it?”
“What?” Jack asked. “No. It was just a walk. Just got tired of all these e-mails that’s all. I’ve got my own work to deal with.”
“I’ll leave you to those e-mails, killer,” Alan said as he walked away with a chuckle.
“Thanks,” Jack responded as he turned back to his computer and composed a polite e-mail telling everybody that if they had any questions about anything to e-mail the help desk. He was glad to help people with difficult situations and the like but that was his tolerance level.
The rest of the afternoon passed by in a blur. Jack was able to get some work done as the help e-mails dried up pretty quickly. Every time his foot would go up against the AWO back, he sighed and realized that he needed to get rid of it when he got home. Everything about that store felt wrong, like it was a dream. No.. more like a nightmare.
Right before it was quitting time, an e-mail from one of his co-workers came in and Jack, without thinking about it, slammed his fist on his desk. “Goddamn it,” he muttered under his breath. “Doesn’t anybody fucking read e-mails any more?”
He started to write a nasty response to the person but took a deep breath and stopped himself. Instead, he deleted it and responded back simply that going forward all help requests that were not complicated needed to go to the help desk so it could free up time for him to do things that needed to get done.
Jack grabbed the AWO bag and headed home. As he sat on the subway, his cell phone went off and he sighed. If it was another stupid e-mail from work, he was going to blow his stack. But this time, it was not.
It was an e-mail confirming his appointment at the AWO store:
This e-mail is to confirm your Stage 2 session.
You have chosen the Genetic Freak archetype.
Wear the shirt when you arrive. Be ready.
Jack frowns and immediately moves the e-mail to the trash on his phone. No, he was not going to go down that fucking rabbit hole again. There was no reason for him to even think about it. Honestly, the whole thing felt like it was something that he was going to automatically be signed up for and after six months of payments be told that he couldn’t unsubscribe without going through several nearly impossible hoops.
When Jack finally got back to the apartment that he and his soon to be ex-wife shared, he sighed as he looked around and noticed the big gaping holes where his wife had taken things. The living room was a mess and the bathroom wasn’t much better with a massive pile of laundry that was about to start moving if Jack didn't take care of it sooner or later. He didn’t even notice that he had put the AWO back down and that it had tipped over on its side causing the AWO shirt he had bought to fall out onto the floor.
He grabbed something out of the fridge to quickly make for dinner and sighed again as he looked at the dining room table and saw the divorce papers lying on them waiting for him to sign them. His wife had asked him a couple of times before to sign them so that she could move on with her life. He didn’t want to close that chapter of his life, Jack thought to himself. Besides, signing those papers made him feel more like a transaction, something for his ex-wife to move on from so she could find somebody else.
Walking into the living room, Jack sat down and realized the AWO bag had fallen over and the shirt he had bought was lying on the table. He grabbed it and chuckled as he lifted him up. “What a fucking douchebag falling for this shit,” he said to nobody in particular. Besides the shirt, there was an AWO armband in the bag along with a Stage 2 appointment card.
Jack put the shirt down and grabbed his food and started to eat it. Every few minutes as he watched television and trying to forget about everything on, his eyes went back to the shirt just sitting there. Finally, he said to himself that he was going to try it on once and then it was going to get thrown into the garbage like the rest of his former life.
He took off his work shirt and put the AWO shirt on and immediately frowned. He had always worn a size large shirt no matter if it was a T-shirt or a work shirt but the AWO shirt actually felt tight on him. It wasn’t uncomfortably tight, just tight. He walked into the bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror and tried not to laugh.
Shirts like the one he was wearing were for guys who actually had a body that would impress women or depending on their point of view, other men. For Jack, the shirt showed exactly what was wrong with him physically and that was basically everything. He was slightly overweight, didn’t fill out the sleeves with his muscles and the logo across the front just felt wrong.
As he stood there, Jack instinctively raised his right bicep and flexed. He laughed and stopped flexing and put his arm down. Genetic freak indeed. But he looked at himself in the mirror again and thought back to the image that he saw in the AWO store. He adjusted his stance, the look in his eyes and even a bit of a smirk trying to recapture the image that he saw.
“What the fuck are you doing Jack?” he said as he immediately reverted back to his normal ‘non-asshole’ self. He took off the shirt immediately and walked into the bedroom and put it on the bed. Walking back into the living room, he grabbed the shirt that he had been wearing and put it back on and tried somehow to relax.
But relaxing was not in the cards tonight. Jack kept on thinking back to the store and the Genetic Freak. Grabbing his laptop, Jack started going through Youtube clips finding the wrestler that the archetype had been based upon. Even though he didn’t know wrestling that well, Jack knew that the New World Order had been one of the greatest heel factions of all time that shook up wrestling when they were active.
Watching old clips, Jack noticed the guy known as Scott Steiner and the image in the mirror hit him like a ton of bricks. Here was a guy that wasn’t afraid to take up space and didn’t apologize for anything. He even wore chainmail on his head during entrances and sunglasses. He looked like a roided freak and Jack immediately laughed at the videos but noticed the women that surrounded him and the massive ego and confidence that the wrestler had. Everything that Jack didn’t have.
The next few days, Jack tried to keep his brain on the right track and off whatever rabbit hole he was going down with the Genetic Freak issue. He had struggled to sleep with dreams or just half dreams where he was walking through a hall of mirrors, each mirror showing him transforming into the Genetic Freak with the last one him laughing at the reflection of two women in bikinis standing next to him holding on what was turning out to be massive biceps.
Work was just being work but even more annoying than usual. He had to catch himself a few times not to write an e-mail that would have gotten a strong reprimand from Annie or somebody else up in the company. The problem was that the people he worked with seemingly couldn’t get through their thick heads with basic concepts.
One afternoon, Alan stopped by and saw Jack looking at his computer as though he was about to throw it through a window.
“You all right man?” Alan asked.
Jack sighed and nodded. “Yeah,” he said. “Just co-workers being stupid as per usual.”
“Stupid?” Alan said. “Really? You get up on the wrong side of the bed this morning or something?”
“Huh?” Jack said. “Sorry. Just having trouble sleeping and trying to get a few things in order personally.”
“Is your divorce finally going through?” Alan asked.
“I’m signing the papers when I get home tonight,” Jack replied.
“And then you’re going to celebrate?” Alan said.
“Why the fuck would I celebrate my wife and I divorcing jackass?” Jack said. “Just like everything else, my marriage is a fucking failure.”
Alan took a step back as Jack’s voice had been raised and other people noticed. “Dude,” Alan said. “Relax. I meant that as a joke.”
“Bad fucking joke,” Jack replied as he turned back to his computer. “Just leave me alone all right?”
“All right… all right. Jeez… take a fucking chill pill dude,” Alan said he walked away leaving Jack to carry on with his work.
Jack immediately wanted to send or message Alan an apology. He didn’t know what came over him and he needed to lighten up a bit. The problem was that Jack always seemingly took jokes like that and laughed it off. It was the first time in a while that he had stood up for himself and say how he really felt about the situation. And a part of him felt good even though he knew that what happened was wrong.
The next couple of days at work had Jack seemingly isolated from everybody. Alan had landed up going out of town for a business trip and Annie was dealing with family issues. So as per usual Jack stared at his computer screen and just went about his business.
A week from the day he went to the AWO shop in the first place, Jack got a reminder about his appointment for Stage 2 that was set for 6:30 PM. He finished work at 5 and there was no way in hell he was going to wait around for 90 minutes for an appointment that there was no point in going to.
When work was over, Jack walked out of the office building making sure that he didn’t land up going anywhere near that street with the AWO store on it. He walked down another street and down into the subway to catch the train home to his apartment so that he could finish up the divorce paperwork and have a beer. He shouldn’t have snapped at Alan like that. That whole conversation a few days still pissed Jack off.
As he stood there waiting for his train, Jack kept on trying to get that fucking store of his mind. But then he thought about all of the times he had not taken a risk, not taken the first step and instead played it safe. Here was an opportunity to see what could come of a choice that he consciously made but instead he was running away back to his safe spot.
Taking a deep breath, Jack shook his head. Not this time. He had walked away from opportunity before but not this time. He got out of line for the subway and actually pushed a couple people out of the way so that he could get to where he needed to go. He ignored the protests that he heard as people weren’t happy with Jack’s attitude towards them.
He walked into the subway bathroom and took off his work shirt. Without even realizing that he had put it on this morning, the AWO shirt was there and it still had that comfortable tight fight that Jack had expected. He stood there looking in the smudged mirror and smiled. If he was going to do this, he needed to fucking do it.
Standing outside the AWO store, seeing it again, Jack smiled and walked in. Unlike the first time where the entire store felt staged, over the top and honestly off putting, this time Jack noticed that it was efficient and powerful. Austin Theory was on the screens showing off his muscles and Jack smiled to himself at the arrogance and self-assuredness that Theory was showing.
The staff member, or at least Jack thought it was the same guy, walked over and smiled. “I knew you would be back,” he said.
Jack looked at him and immediately his defenses came up. “Just wanting to see what Stage 2 feels like,” he said. “Nothing more, nothing less.”
The staff chuckled and shook his head. “Brother, that’s what everybody says before they stop lying to themselves,” he said. “Shirt looks good on you by the way. Better than you thought it would probably.”
Jack nodded and was about to say something but the staff smiled and said, “Don’t have to answer that brother. Time to get you settled.”
Jack was led back into one of the back rooms of the store. There was a raised platform in the center of it with a number of screens on the walls filled with data points. On one of the screens was his personal information along with a personality assessment. On another screen there was the Genetic Freak archetype that he had chosen with both physical and personal traits listed that were as far from where Jack was as humanly possible.
A door opened that Jack didn’t realize existed in one wall and a young woman dressed in an AWO shirt and jeans walked in with a clipboard in her hand. She smiled as she looked at Jack and then at the staff member at the door.
“You must be Jack,” she said, walking over and shaking his hand. “My name is Cindy and I’ll be starting Stage 2 for you today. First off, I need you to take everything off except your underwear and stand on the platform in the center of the room.”
“You are wearing underwear brother right?” the staff member said with a smile.
Jack looked at him and rolled his eyes as he proceeded to strip down until he was just standing in his underwear. “Boxer briefs,” Cindy said. “Hmm. That’ll definitely change as you change. Now, let’s get you on the platform and see what we’re working with all right.”
The next ten minutes was filled with Jack being poked and prodded by Cindy, measuring basic things like height and weight but also body composition, grip strength, overall posture and resting heart rate. It was like Jack was going for his annual checkup at his primary care doctor. The other thing that he was assumed with was that the staff member was standing there watching him with a smirk on his face.
“Something funny?” Jack said as Cindy walked over to a terminal and punched some data in.
“Funny?” the response came. “No. You’ve got potential brother. You’re not starting from nothing. You need to just stop denying that you can be better.”
Cindy finally finished with whatever she was doing and the Genetic Freak profile that Jack had chosen a week ago came up on the screen. The words Mass. Loyalty. Mouth. Presence. Dominance were listed next to the screen and Cindy looked at Jack and nodded.
“Interesting choice,” she said. “The most obvious trait is muscle gain. But besides that, the Genetic Freak is meant to take up space, to dominate those around him and making sure he doesn’t apologize for anything. His ego is king and everybody around him knows that. You are embarrassed right now by standing there like a slab of meat. I can see it on your face. That starts to change today.”
Jack laughed nervously and Cindy and the staff member both looked at him as though he did something wrong. “What did I do?” Jack asked.
“That laugh,” Cindy said. “First thing we’re getting rid of.”
Cindy motioned Jack over to the wall and a reflection of how he looked at the moment stared back. He flinched at what he was seeing. Cindy looked over the staff member and said, “Terry get over here and show Jack here how it’s done.”
“Yes ma’am,” Terry said with a grin. He walked over to where Jack was standing and immediately pointed out things that needed to change. His feet were too close together, he slouched slightly instead of standing up straight. He needed to look straight into the mirror with confidence instead of wondering if he was doing things good enough.
“Brother,” Terry said as he moved Jack’s body into a particular position. “Don’t fucking apologize for who you are. You aren’t a weak man. Stand there like you deserve to be the center of attention.”
After a minute of Jack getting his body to cooperate, Terry nodded. “Getting better,” he said. “Give me a smirk for good measure will you.”
Jack attempted a smirk but immediately laughed and he shook his head. “I look like a fucking idiot,” he said.
“No,” Cindy replied from where she was standing. “You’re not an idiot. You’re starting to belong and be who you are supposed to be. Different things entirely.”
“Now what?” Jack said as he looked at himself in the mirror. “Do I hop up and down on one leg while you take pictures to post to Instagram showing yet another idiot being taken to the cleaners?”
“First,” Terry said. “Stop that. You came in here looking to change yourself for the better. And that’s what is happening. Fucking knock it off.”
“Second,” Cindy said. “I need you to repeat after me. This is not a costume. This is not fake. This is the new me.”
Jack turned and looked at Cindy and frowned. At first he shook his head because he felt that what he was doing was entirely fake. He looked at Terry and then back at the mirror. Nobody said anything for a minute but then Jack repeated what he had been told to repeat.
“This is not a costume. This is not fake. This is the new me,” he said softly.
“Say it like you mean it brother,” Terry said. “You know you want to. Stop worrying about what everybody thinks and focus on you for a second.”
This time Jack said it with more confidence but not enough confidence it seemed. He had to repeat it two more times before Jack accepted the fact that this was going to be his new identity.
“This is not a costume. This is not fake. This is the new me,” he said forcibly and he noticed there was a hint of arrogance in his voice as well.
Cindy and Terry nod almost in unison. “Good,” Cindy said. “Now we’re going to take you through what we call focus training. Just look at the screen, breathe, listen and try to focus on the fact of the person you are becoming and what you are leaving behind.”
The lighting in the room slowly began to become more focused but quieter as Jack looked at the screen in front of him. He heard a soft beating in the background, rhythmic in nature that allowed his mind to focus on it, breathing in and out with the beats and all of the stress and uncertainty he had previously felt started to dissipate.
He watched as a series of images flashed before him, one after another of the Genetic Freak posing in different ways followed by words like Arrogance, Power, Determination, Attitude flashed across the screen. At some point, Jack realized his lips were moving with the words. He did not remember deciding to read them.
After what seemed like an eternity, the screen turned off and the light in the room went back to normal. Cindy was working at a console probably resetting it back to normal. Terry walked over to where Jack was standing and asked, “Brother, how do you feel?”
“I’m not sure how I feel honestly,” Jack said as he looked at Cindy. “How did I do?”
“Within expected parameters,” Cindy replied. “I suggest getting your clothes on and then I need you to do one more thing for me.”
Jack stepped off the platform and had to catch himself as a wave of dizziness came over him. Terry took a step towards him but Jack shook his head. He took a deep breath and grabbed his clothes and put them back on. First though he held the AWO shirt in his hands and for the first time he smiled and didn’t feel like a loser for putting it on.
“Now, one final question,” Cindy said. “Look at the screen and give us your honest answer.”
Jack walked over to the screen and the words appeared:
Stage 2 Progression requires active confirmation.
Do you confirm your continued ascent?
Starting at the screen and thinking back over where Jack was in his life: the deadend job, people walking all over him, his ex-wife about to enjoy her freedom while he felt like he was stuck in neutral. All of that came rushing back to him in an instant. He looked down at the shirt he was wearing and then at Terry.
He nodded and smiled. “Yes,” he said. “I want to continue.”
After the screen went blank, Jack stood there and actually looked at himself in the mirror. The shirt, instead of some sort of cosplay, now felt that it belonged. There was an intensity that Jack hadn’t felt in a long time. It was strange but it felt like his body was coming alive.
“There he is,” Terry said with a grin.
“There who is?” Jack said not even noticing that Cindy had left the room.
“The one who you came in here looking for brother,” Terry replied as he led Jack out of the back room and then out the door into the street.
Jack stood there for a moment, looking at everything around him and he realized it felt a bit smaller. The noise of the city wasn’t nearly as chaotic and overwhelming. Everything felt better. Jack looked at himself in the glass of the store and smiled at what he saw. He didn’t look away quickly this time.
For the first time in months, Jack did not feel tired.
He felt unfinished. He felt that he taken the first step to something greater.
And above else, he wanted to know what came next.
