On this season of the Dallas Stars: it’s time for battered knight miro heiskanen to get the respect he deserves. Time for mavrik bourque our sopping wet kitten to have the breakout season befitting his model-esque features. Time for young old man thomas harley to continue being odd about mouselike future captain wyatt johnston. Time for thrice jilted (4 times if you count our ex coach) lover boy extraordinaire jake oettinger to score a goalie goal or five and remember the he is That Girl ™️. Time for misplaced european club rat roope hintz to serve levels of speed and cunt heretofore unseen. Time for esa “the thighs” lindell to light up our screens with the sunniest smile you’ve ever seen. Time for mikko motherfucking rantanen to continue what is already the greatest revenge arc in hockey. It’s hockey season, folks. Let’s get it.

















