Curiosity and Wonder

i find sherlock's relationship with touch incredibly interesting, especially when its related to watson.

throughout the show, sherlock is seen declaring his undying love and devotion for watson in the most matter of fact way possible. bouncing on his feet, eyes darting everywhere. standing firmly on the ground, gaze fixed on her. frenzied, relaxed. he has told her how much she means to him time and time again, in all ways possible. and yet, when it comes to touch, he shies away. those screenshots are from s5? s6? yeah so by that time he has made FAR more intimate declarations, so it stands to no reason why he should fuckin. poke her to wake her up😭😭

it is no secret that sherlock is, at least to some extent, touch averse. yes he has sex, but casual touch is Not his thing. whenever people get too chummy with him (physically) his look of disgust/unease is very apparent. to him, touch is usually seen as a means to an end. he seems to give touch easily when it's related to sex, something that gives him pleasure (which is also something he seems to view quite clinically. it's less about intimacy and more about endorphins and such. #asexualsherlock). he does not, however, touch people just cause. he doesn't give casual touches easily. so it's easy to say that even if he Does love joan a lot, he doesn't exactly like physical touch in the manner of hugs, arms on shoulders, etc. and its totally valid, because not being comfortable with physical affection doesn't mean you love someone any less.

but! it doesn't end here. sherlock's feelings about touch w.r.t joan evolves throughout the show, just as their relationship does.

in season 2, joan gets kidnapped. sherlock is beside himself, and mycroft tells him that joan is "the person you love the most in the world". very early on its established just how much she means to him.

this scene was so impactful. maybe more so than it would've been if sherlock hugged her or frantically checked her for injuries. the first time I watched it, I was struck by the sheer weight of his gaze as he stood in front of her and just. stared. how he crossed the distance between them and stood so close, and yet didn't touch. silent, but breathing hard. not a single movement made and yet, i could see him almost vibrating out of his skin. the noise in his head finally just. stops. she was here. watson was here. and he didn't need to touch to make sure, no—it was her. he could never mistake her. not her, never her.

and watson must've known it too, known his desperation. after all, she is the one who knows him best. that's why right after she sees him she says "it's okay. it's alright." when he comes close, she doesn't move. doesn't step back to put any distance between them. looks back at him steadily, sees the noise in his head, the trapped chaos in him. softly, softly, she says: "im alright."

this scene from s4 is the first time joan hugs sherlock. he doesn't seem to be expecting it, so he just. freezes. you can see him realising what happened only seconds after the hug got over.

this is so lovely because watson doesn't linger. she doesn't ask him why he isn't hugging her back, because she knows. she knows he isn't really comfortable with physical affection, and that's why throughout the series we see her keep any physical touch limited when it comes to sherlock. but sometimes it just bursts out of her, all that love and relief and just the sheer magnitude of it. so she hugs him, and doesn't wait for him to hug her back. sherlock has always been better with words and actions. she knows without a doubt that he loves her, so this does not bother her at all. but she needs to show it, you know. she can't bare her heart to him through words as often as he does to her. this is how she loves, and she's aware that this is not how sherlock loves, too. and she's okay with that.

what strikes me the most is the surprise in sherlock's face. the momentary glitch in his brain that is always in overdrive. he always does that whenever watson expresses her love for him, when she shows that she loves him as much as he loves her in her own way. it's baffling. he lies and he is rude and he is a lost cause. and yet, she loves him. his dear watson.

scene from s6 that kills me. my god. the way she's hugging him. the way she holds him closer even after he says "my personality has not changed, watson." what sets this hug different from the previous one is the ease of his shoulders. he didn't expect the hug, sure, but he doesn't look like his fight or flight response has been triggered, either. AND YOU KNOW WHAT'S SO SO IMPORTANT ABOUT THIS SCENE??? THE WAY HE DOESN'T TRY TO SHRUG HER OFF. he doesn't hug her back, sure, but look at the placement of his hands. after he gets the text he is holding his other hand in a way that makes sure he isn't jostling her too much. steadying their hug. he isn't the one who says "that's enough now, we have to go." WATSON is the one who pulls back after she's done. he is keeping her steady. HE IS KEEPING HER STEADY. HE DOESN'T WANT HER TO LET GO. WHATEVER!!

s6 again. here, he invites her for a hug, more or less. he is expecting it this time. arms open, grin blinding. he knows she'll come to her. he's home. he's back by her side.

the most interesting part about it is that he still doesn't hug her back. and it's not that he doesn't want to hug watson, no, but it's that it's too much.

it is established very early on that sherlock experiences everything—be it emotions or senses—a lot more intensely than the average person. throughout the series, there are many many scenes where he has declared his love for her and almost every time, he seems stricken. shaken by the intensity of the love he feels for her. it seems to hurt him sometimes, and often overwhelms him. he doesn't have anything against hugs, you see. he hugs marcus back in the beginning of s7, smiling. but never once has he hugged back joan (till that point) when she has hugged him. and i submit that it's not because he loves her less that he doesn't hug her back—it's because he loves her in ways he can't really express. it's bigger than him, you see. this kind of love is unfamiliar to him. what he had with moriarty was different. but this? he is utterly unprepared for this.

and then, crescendo .

no longer will he try to hold himself back. he almost lost her because he wanted to hold himself back, because he told himself that he is too much, too rotten, burning, burning and he thought he will take her down with him because his watson, his dearest watson, is good. she will follow him willingly. he thought he was sparing them both the hurt, and he almost lost her because of his stupidity. so it doesn't matter if his skin feels like it's on fire when he holds her. it doesn't matter if all the love he has labelled and put in neat boxes spill out, messy, never ending. it doesn't matter if she thrashes against his hold and tells him she's fine. it doesn't matter if she fights his love. he's staying. of course he's staying.

Hero: You… are asking for OUR help? Why?

Villian: Simple. They threatened me.

Hero: Threatened? You? And we’re just supposed to believe that, huh? Ridiculous.

Villian: You don’t have to believe anything but that I’m here asking for your help.

Hero: Seriously: With what could they have POSSIBLY threatened YOU with?!? There is no one you fear and nothing you care about except your self.

Villian: You. A picture of us. Who we used to be. What we were. Wouldn’t you like to know? Ha! All you NEED to know is that they’re more dangerous than I am. But you already knew that so why pretend you’re not already making plans in that little head of yours.

Hero: …. Fine. Be a mysterious mf and don’t tell me. Okay so here’s the plan.

Weapons. Trained, tested, forged in steel and fire. Failure is an inevitability that ends in death. Pain should not be felt--it should be recognized, familiar, and inconsequential

Martyrs. In the form of servants and princes, of leaders and underdogs. If blood is necessary, the martyr will lift their hands and offer it all

Shields. Like tempering a sword, but only to bear and not to lash out. Wounds are medals--not symbols of pride, but symbols of worth. A pretty shield is useless; scars mean a job well done

Experiments. Raised on the cold comfort of a lab table. Restraints are only necessary when they're not in their right mind. Is it honorable, to be twisted beyond recognition? Or is it just a necessary evil?

Monsters. Cruelty, caution, and regarding one as a creature beyond reasonable thought is tempering in its own right. But if you keep a leash at the right length, perhaps the massecre won't reach you. One can hope.

Idols. Pretty face, pretty name, pretty hands around their shoulders and throat. There to seduce, manipulate, force any feeling to come to the surface and twist it to their favor. Any genuinity stays locked behind the guilded cage that surrounds their pretty little heart

Trophies. Status and wealth and the traditions that keep someone at their heels, on their knees, to display and serve and decorate one's ballroom.

And I know, the scene where the Ring tempts Sam with being "Lord of the Garden" is funny and awesome, but people forget that A) Sam had been wearing the ring for all of a couple days (compared to Frodo's 17 years in the book), and the Ring was clearly desperate and at the end of its tempting rope. Tolkien himself said that "no-one", not even Sauron himself (if he were inclined to do so), could destroy the ring at Mount Doom. The temptation at the ultimate moment would be too great. In fact, in the initial draft, this is exactly what happens to Frodo - the Ring shows him a vision of him using it to protect and save the hobbits from Sauron, and that's what causes him to finally put it on. (Presumably, Tolkien cut this because it didn't make sense for Frodo to narrate this moment.) So Sam's vision doesn't seem so ridiculous or out there now.