It's the "Where the fuck is my delivery" song

please i've already hurt so much

Thread here

Incredible stuff happening. I want push notifications for every update. I hate push notifications.

this is a very delicate operation which involves not falling asleep until the late enough tomorrow that i can get a normal nights sleep

bothering that animal is a beautiful kind of playing and having fun

[id. A twitter post by @/Bennieeexyz Jury duty letter came addressed to my cat. Not a mistake. "Felix Martinez" - that's his full name according to his vet records. My last name. His first name. Somehow he's a registered voter now. Called the county clerk. Me: My cat got summoned for jury duty. Clerk: Is the name correct on the summons? Me: Yes, but he's a cat. Clerk: Is Felix Martinez a legal resident of this county? Me: He's a legal cat. Clerk: Sir, if the name matches our records, he needs to appear or file an exemption. Me: He can't file anything. He has paws. Clerk: You can file on his behalf. Me: Under what exemption? There's no box for "is a cat." Clerk: (pause) Check "unable to serve due to medical reasons." Me: What's the medical reason? Clerk: He's a cat. Me: That's not a medical condition. Clerk: It is if it prevents him from serving. Sent in the form. Got rejected two weeks later. "Insufficient documentation. Please provide medical professional's statement." Took the letter to my vet. Me: I need you to write that my cat can't do jury duty. Vet: Why is your cat summoned for jury duty? Me: Excellent question. No good answer. Vet: This is the weirdest request I've gotten. Me: Can you just write that he's medically unfit to serve? Vet: On what grounds? Me: He's a cat. Vet: (started typing) "Patient is unable to serve due to species-related limitations including inability to speak, read, or comprehend legal proceedings." Me: Perfect. Sent it in. Got another rejection. "Summons is mandatory. Failure to appear will result in contempt of court." My roommate thought this was hilarious. Roommate: Felix is going to jail. Me: This is serious. Roommate: Bring him to court. See what happens. Decided that was actually the only option left. Day of jury duty, put Felix in his carrier. Brought the entire paper trail of rejection letters. Checked in at the courthouse. Clerk: Name? Me: Felix Martinez. Clerk: (looked at the cat carrier) Is that Felix? Me: Yes. Clerk: (long stare) He's a cat. Me: I've been saying that for six weeks. Clerk: Why didn't you file an exemption? Me: I filed three. All rejected. Showed her the letters. She read through them, expression shifting from confusion to disbelief. Clerk: Someone rejected the veterinary documentation? Me: Twice. Clerk: (called her supervisor over) You need to see this. Supervisor read everything. Looked at Felix. Looked at me. Supervisor: How did a cat get registered to vote? Me: You tell me. Supervisor: This is a data error. Me: Took you six weeks to figure that out. They dismissed Felix immediately. Apologized for the inconvenience. Supervisor: We'll remove him from the voter registry. Me: Appreciate it. Supervisor: (pause) Out of curiosity, how would he have voted? Me: Probably whatever party supports universal treats. Got a formal apology letter a week later and a voter registration card. For me this time. Apparently I wasn't registered, but my cat was. Roommate: Felix committed voter fraud. Me: Felix committed nothing. He's innocent. Roommate: That's what they all say. Felix is sleeping on the jury summons now. Fitting end to his legal career. end id]

kindly reblog for bigger sample size, thanks!

what the hell is going on

i believe in you Binface. you can do it. this could be your moment.

Important to note also that Count Binface is the alter ego of comedian & political satirist Jon Harvey who seems to be an intelligent individual with reasonable politics. As I said no real downside.

The no hats rule clearly does not apply to him. He is not wearing a hat. It's a bin.

The two 'earthlings' in this video, Justin Webb and Nick Robinson, are known for being impeccably well read and well researched, for giving politicians really harsh, uncomprimising interviews, for reporting unflinchingly on massacres of civillians in Gaza, Sudan, and Iran, for speaking truth to power. And today they interviewed Count Binface. There are two possible outcomes here: 1) Farage wins and his investigation by the commons standards comission gets immediately reopened (and there's a motion in parliament at the moment to continue the investigation while Farage isn't an MP, and of course he didn't turn up to argue his point), and we're back where we started, or 2) Farage loses to a fecking bin. And I'm honestly not sure which is funnier

I want every ad on the subway to be this one. And then I want this also posted elsewhere. And then I want people who don’t use earbuds or headphones while listening to music or watching their videos in public to have their phones explode in their hands and faces. Or they get shunned and banned from public spaces.

me, weeping openly: potato

DEFECTOR HAS TAKEN UP THE MANTLE

The christian family in these memes (which are absolutely all over facebook these days) genuinely do always look miserable. Who the fuck is relating to these stock mormon farm cultists. That is a couple who made love only once in pitch darkness with bags on their heads then celebrated the pregnancy with a feast of uncooked potatoes and warm tapwater. The baby seems intrigued though. Maybe only by the bottle of pills??

Could not leave this in the tags <3