Tuatha's Thoughts ?

This post exists to do that, and hopefully inspire other men to read the comics from Projet Crocodile. Please, guys. Educate yourselves. Do something.

The absolute thoughtlessness of some people. Learn some empathy, would ya ?

Damn it. After years away from Dark Souls on Xbox 360, because I couldn’t beat Chaos Witch Quelaag no matter how many times I tried, I start a new playthrough on PC. It’s tough, I’ve died more times than I could count, but I surprised myself by managing to beat every main game boss (did not play the DLC yet). I finally make it to Gwyn, Lord of Cinder, which, given the rather poor framerate on a 7 year-old laptop, is an achievement in itself. And I can’t beat Gwyn. The bastard’s flaming sword takes its toll on my framerate, making the already risky gamble of parrying his attacks near impossible. I don’t know how to parry and counterattack in this game, and I’ve never needed to to find a way to beat enemies with minimal health loss. But the blasted Lord of Cinder is a relentless boss with unlimited stamina. He keeps on attacking, rarely lets up, and blocking uses up my stamina in three hits max. So I figured I should try dodging attacks. I’m usually fairly good at identifying the moments to dodge an attack, but bad framerate makes this, like parrying, near impossible. So I figured I would do something I don’t like to do: using the arena setup to block his attacks, when it was never intended to be used in that way. Using the columns for cover when fighting Ornstein and Smough was acceptable, as you could clearly tell that there were here for that reason. But using mounds and small rock spikes that are clearly here for decoration ? That’s cheap, to me. But I decide to resort to that, as Dark Souls has a way of making you think that everything is fair game after a while. But even that doesn’t work as well as I had expected, as even if put up a better fight that way (heh), he still beats me senseless. And again, I have to deal with bad framerate, which makes an already hard fight even harder to. What is it going to take to beat this old blasted geezer ? I mean, he’s incredibly old, according to lore, and linking the First Flame has taken its toll on his abilities, says the lore of the game. And i’m still getting massacred by a crippled old man figure in an already unforgiving game ! Gwyn, Lord of Cinders, they say you were a God. No wonder I’m a fucking atheist then. You prick.

Someone wrote, on their Facebook page, “I’m good at pretending”. And I wondered “Aren’t we all?”. We all pretend. In some way, we all do. I pretend. I have to. I can’t afford to let people see just how insecure and prone to negativity I can be. I can’t afford to be so vulnerable. So I pretend, adopt traits and attitudes when in social situations. I couldn’t let my underclassmen, whom I’ve gotten to meet today in class after a semester abroad, see how negative and vulnerable I can be, so I pretended. I showed them only the side of me I wanted them to see, the upbeat, sassy, but nice upperclassman ready to offer help if need be. I wanted them to see me as the nice, sassy comic-book nerd with a Venom T-shirt. I’m not pretending to be someone I’m not. When I pretend, I merely emphasize certains aspects of me that ARE there to begin with, but aren’t necessarily as pronounced as I make them out to be. I’m not sassy every minute of the day, even if I think I might enjoy that. I pretend that I’m confident, because I really am not - I’m awkward as fuck, but I do a pretty good job of pretending that I’m not. I pretend that I am calm and composed whenever I do a presentation, because, at the beginning of each and everyone of them, I’m thinking about running away, until I gradually calm down and compose myself naturally - until I become what I pretend to be. Don’t we all do that? Isn’t that part of being human in our society? Don’t we HAVE to become good at pretending, so that we can go on everyday and hope to become what we yearn to be? I think we do.

I thought I felt bad at the end of Episode 3 - little did I know what Episode 4 had in store for me. Good thing Episode 5 will probably take at least two months to come out, because I’m going to need some time digesting it all...

Yes, this is a blatant reference to Life Is Strange. You know, the game that puts you in the shoes of slightly introverted high school student Maxine “Max” Caufield, a student at the fictional Blackwell Academy in Arcadia Bay, Oregon, who discovers by accident that she can rewind time. So, if you haven’t played the full game, please read no further, unless you want to be spoiled. In other words, SPOILER ALERT ! Still reading ? Well then... In episode 3, “Chaos Theory”, Max eventually and unknowingly travels back to when she was thirteen years old by looking at a photograph she had of herself and Chloe taken moments before Chloe’s father died in a car accident. Max, knowing how much Chloe suffered when she lost her father, decides that her father must be saved, and at this point, seeing how gentle Chloe’s father is, you don’t even think otherwise. So, you save him, and by doing so, you completely alter the timeline. You wake up at the present time, 5 years after the accident that finally never happened, and realized that everything has changed. Victoria acts like she’s your best friend, Warren is dating Stella, and while William, Chloe’s father, is alive and well, Chloe is not quite so well off. Sure, her dad’s alive, she never had to mourn his death, never had a veteran probably suffering from PTSD for a stepfather, never turned to dying her hair blue or to getting tattoos, and clearly, she never smoked weed. The biggest change of all is that she is now in a wheelchair. Happy to see you when you visit her, but in a wheelchair, meaning she has at least lost the use of her legs, if not worse. Understandably, at that moment, you share Max’s horrified, remorseful expression, her ‘What have I done” face. I found myself thinking about the way time changed, about how Max’s original timeline was completely altered - and it reminded me of what DC Comics had done with their Flashpoint Paradox, when The Flash, by altering a single moment in time, modified all the events after that, and perhaps even before, with Bruce Wayne dying instead of his parents, and Thomas Wayne becoming a Batman with no qualms about killing, with Superman not landing in Smallville but right in Metropolis and being taken in by the government, and so on and so forth. Basically, The Flash had “broken the time barrier” as Zoom states, and by basically “detonating” a time bomb, shifted all other events just tiny bit - like a stone dropped in water creates ripples. Of course, at this point, I lack enough elements and knowledge to make a definite claim, but if that is the theory about time travel and chronal modification that the devs of Life Is Strange decided to follow, then it’s pretty impressive. Can’t wait to see what Episode 4 has in store for us, to be honest. Although, Chloe being crippled did shock me a lot. I rarely felt that guilty and remorseful in life, let alone in games...

Being an introvert for the most part, I have a strong tendency to internalize everything, especially the bad things that happen to me and the negative feelings resulting from such things. I don’t want to show any weakness, I don’t want to feel vulnerable. But that’s not exactly a good thing. I should let these things out, express these negative feelings I keep inside me at all times. I should find someone to talk to, I guess, or channel these feelings into some activity, I guess.

I guess that what I want to say is, I feel more comfortable on my own, and I don't want either a girl not committed enough to hurt me again, nor do I want to possibly hurt a girl who could be committed enough. All in all, I'm better left alone at the moment - until I get a life-changing experience or experience love at first sight again, I guess.